TAXIS...Beating the cancer and clearing the mortgage the final hurdle.

GreyhoundAngel

Ohhh Hun, that's a really hard situation for you to be coping with right now, my heart goes out to you.

I'm glad KM has pointed you to a SW on here who may be able to help you and give you some guidance on this.

I was attached as a Temp to Child Services at a local SS office for quite some time, and whilst I am NOT giving advice, perhaps some of the observations and information I picked up during that time might help a little.

taxi73 wrote: »

Wish I could leave it to self combust but I can't ...this is serious business and sod it I'm going to post as it as I'm at my wits end.

DD1..is on self destruct drinking and partying too much and hasn't took DGS to school for weeks..parties she's had at her house have resulted in the police visiting and involving social services. Because he hasn't been to school they want to help her sort herself out by doing an assessment of her lifestyle but she isn't cooperating with the agencies.If she doesn't cooperate they will take my grandson into care whilst they do the assessment...SS services haven't even contacted me about this....
They do need to gain access in order to do an assessment, not only of the child but also of the immediate family. This is as much to determine what support the parents might need as the child, and there are different programmes designed to help.

what is also bad is do you remember that DS took his baby daughter from his ex as she wasn't interested in the baby...well it turns out he isn't that good with looking after her either and has been leaving her at DD1S for days on end...so when police visited baby was there and now has been put on a vulnerable list.
SS may well look at this as a seperate case, as the baby belongs to someone else, albiet seemingly living there sometimes.

Reports that have been sent to DDS house say that dgs is a happy loveable boy,clean well fed but their concerns are her drinking and lack of school...there is no talking to her...
This would seem to be a good thing, showing that the childs physical and mental welfare appear to be good, though they will be concerned about the school attendance.

I have a 2 bed house and DD2 lives here...I could send her to live at DS3 house down the road.

I am not well enough to care for a 5 year old for a few weeks yet and certainly not a 1 year old as well....am at my wits end.
I would take them both in rather than them go in care but can't see SS services allowing that due to my illness and the 2 beds.
I remember reading that when children reach a certain age, they must have their own room from a parent, and if there are siblings of the opposite sex they also can't share a room. I dont remember the exact ages etc, and this may have changed since I read about it. However, with the baby - I think she may still be young enough to share with an adult, but you would need to confirm that.

why oh why can't she cooperate ..she was due a meeting with the authorities at 10am yesterday in her house and didn't answer the door.
If she keeps blocking them, they may have no choice but to follow internal proceedures and put the child into interim fostercare, but they should only do so as a last resort.

cannot believe what selfish !!!!!!!s they are being.

As for DS3 he is bi polar and has got in a muddle with his rent as I've not kept an eye on the ball but can easily be solved.

so very weepy at the moment as don't know what to do

taxi73 wrote: »

DD1 has always been very headstrong and defiant but not this bad.
I haven't spoke to SS as don't know whether that will make things worse...I've talked to DD until I'm blue in the face...if she cooperates with them they can do the assesment at home if not they will do the assesment with him in care...she shuts off sometimes and won't answer the phone to me but I need to try and keep getting through to her.
Perhaps going round to see her (if she's close by) would be better than trying to call her ? Some things are better dealt with in person BUT... Only do it if you feel strong enough to deal with it.

My only other thought, would be to reiterate some of the others ... As difficult as it may be, you need to focus on yourself and your health. If you are tired and rundown, you will not be able to deal with this situation from a position of strength. You will be no good to yourself or others if your health deteriorates.

Whilst many of us here, can only offer distant emotional & moral support - please remember to lean on those you can in real life so to speak. Hang in there Hun, there are so many on here routing for you, and sending their friendship your way.

Thinking of you, and sending our love from here

EDITED TO ADD: I also seem to recall, a couple of cases where (under some circumstances), the "fostercare" was actually with another member of the family - so it may be worth asking this question as well to see if that would be a possible option ?

G:A xx

macgirl

God love you Taxi, you *so* do not need this stress.

As others have said sometimes people have to learn the hard way (and some never learn) but it's difficult for you to sit back and let your little grandson suffer the harsh consequences of your DD's actions...
It's a tough one, but as Nargle says, these things have a way of working out, but in the meantime YOU should be the main focus.

Hope DD comes to her senses sharpish. Hugs and positive vibes to you xxx

Lula-Hula

Thinking of you hon & echo what all the other lovelies on here have said

xx

slowlyfading

Oh my goodness, what a pickle. I don't know what to say (as per usual ) but I hope this gets sorted soon. Sending hugs your way xx

Karmacat

I've just got back from work Taxi - sorry there's no news of your DD yet.

dizzy_lizzie

Oh Taxi! Can only add what everyone else is saying. So so sorry to hear about all this going on. You must be out of your mind with worry.
Easier said than done but please look after yourself and concentrate on getting well.
Lots of love
Dizzy x

mum2one

I wish I lived nearer, your one in a million and don't need this. You've got it inall directions, thou atleast with ds3,thats sorted out simply.

I don't want to say or do as they say, feel useless,as I want to do something but can't as not close enough.

Just a long shot -but as the others have said social services only use foster carers as a last resort, and the positive the report on JJ was good, which is the big part of it all. If DD couldn't manage JJ they would look at family 1st. I know you have said short term dd2 could stay with her brother, and JJ with you, if that was the case you may be able to apply for financial assistance, - just thinking as DH would have to cut his hours back.

I know ds who has dgd, has the mum been in touch or anything, is there a chance they could patch things or has it gone to far.

Whatever happens you need to look afteryourself as well, I know its hard, but were all here for you, in what ever way shape or form we can be. xx

InaPickle

Bl00dy hell, Taxi!

I'm sorry - I have no concrete advice to offer at the moment, but WHATEVER ELSE you do, take care of yourself first and foremost. Your health is of the utmost importance, beyond ANYTHING else, as if you are not healthy, you can't help anyone else.

I'm so sorry you have to worry about all this while you have other stuff to be dealing with. If there's anything I can do, just PM me.

Hugs, hugs and more hugs,

Pickle

taxi73

Thanks everyone ...you are all so lovely xxxx

All your lovely replies made me cry.

I haven't managed to get hold of DD and there's no point in going around as she will have the door locked and not answer.
After a lot of soul searching and as much as it breaks my heart I've come to the conclusion that I need to get myself well as I'll be no use to anyone if I don't.My rads start on 9th dec every weekday for 3 weeks and I know I'll not have the strength or the energy to deal with anything at that time.
Unfortunately,this may mean DGS being in temp care to be assessed and this is heartbreaking but what can I do

I will get in touch with SS and let them know my situation and ask them to consider me and take it from there.

urg123

Dear Taxi,

I can't believe what's been going on. The worry itself must be totally stressing you out. I think you have come to the right conclusion. You have to look after you first before you can look after someone else. It will be hard to know DGS may have to go outside the family but it sounds like that's what's right for now. As your treatment ends and your health improves, you'll be in a far better position.

Grrr to your daughter and son for doing this to you.

Love and hugs

Urg x x