The Cost of Being Single (not single mums, proper single)

MissMoneypenny

ninky wrote: »

yes i do accept this. can you accept that many singles are too scared to live with someone?

I think this thread shows that singles would like to live with someone: if only because it would double their income.:D I'm still not quite sure why you insist that they don't?

PasturesNew

MissMoneypenny wrote: »

I think this thread shows that singles would like to live with someone: if only because it would double their income.:D I'm still not quite sure why you insist that they don't?

Secretly wants to be in our gang... shackled in a loveless marriage, only the joys of Stannah stairlifts to look forward to?

ninky_2

MissMoneypenny wrote: »

I think this thread shows that singles would like to live with someone: if only because it would double their income.:D I'm still not quite sure why you insist that they don't?

not all singles. just as not all married people secretly long to be single and are just too scared to split.

ninky_2

PasturesNew wrote: »

Secretly wants to be in our gang... shackled in a loveless marriage, only the joys of Stannah stairlifts to look forward to?

are you talking about me? that's charming.

ceridwen

SandC wrote: »

Any threads about single people and living costs always seems to end up with the singles being picked on for daring to have the slightest whinge when obviously they could all be living in flatshares all their lives enjoying all their cash that they are apparently not contributing to society anyway. We're a selfish lot aren't we?

See even when it's down there in black and white that it does actually cost more to live as a single over the long term nobody believes it and comes along with the 'yeah but no but yeah but no but'.

Ohhhhh....don't I know it?:cool::mad:

I've had so many years now of people resolutely refusing to believe that its dearer to be single that I despair.

What REALLY REALLY annoys me is the frequent rejoinder "(my) children cost money you know". I know I know I know children cost money - BUT I am referring to single people - as opposed to married/coupled up people. When did I EVER mention children? So - why do people with children bring them into the conversation. Peoples personal choices as to how they spend their money are one thing - peoples basic living costs (that they have - regardless of any personal choices) are a TOTALLY different topic of conversation (and not the one I am talking about at that particular point):mad::mad::mad:

Okay - I'll get off my soapbox now...i just get SO frustrated at how very very few people admit that their living costs are lower than mine - because they are married/coupled up.

ceridwen

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

A few years ago I met a man about 10 years older than myself. Nice guy, very pleasant, good company. He showed interest, and if I'd played my cards right I could have no doubt "snared him". He earns a lot of money and owns a large house in the Home Counties and by now I could have had a fancy wedding and be safely several rungs up the wondrous property ladder without ever having to mess around with tedious stuff like saving for a deposit. I didn't fancy him however. A few years down the line, I look at the attitude of society towards those who are single and rent, and wonder if I made the wrong decision; even if it had ended in divorce I would still be better off financially and would have had a chance to enjoy the social status a wedding ring magically confers.

The above is essentially a plot point for a minor character in a Jane Austen novel. I find it pretty depressing that educated, independent women in the 21st century still find that marriage is often the main option to financial security and social respect.

I have sometimes wondered (on bad days) whether I should have accepted one of those offers of marriage I had and thought "Maybe if I had taken this one" or "Maybe if I had taken that one" - but I know, in my heart of hearts, that none of them would have worked out. Reason - not because I'm so protective of "my precious space" - but because they werent right or werent right for me.

What gets ignored by many "smug marrieds" is that many of us singles did have an "Other Half" size space in our lives and duly kept it "clean and dusted" - whilst waiting for the right person to come along to fill it. At some point though - we just sat down and thought "Well - I'm still single - so I'd better make the best of it and see the good points to being single - because that is obviously how my life is going to be". At that point it seems to me "smug marrieds" go "There you are then - that person is clearly not suited to being married at all and they are single because they are selfish/prefer their own company anyway (delete as applicable)".

Not so for many of us - we have simply adapted to the life we actually have - rather than bemoaning the one we would like to have had. Makes sense to us to be that way...:)

carolt

Yay! A 'smug marrieds' comment!

So it wasn't just me who noticed the similarities of this thread to Bridget Jones.

BTW, not all married people are identical sterotypes either. I certainly don't think all single people are somehow fundamentally different let alone inferior - they're just people who don't happen to be currently married.

I'm not really sure that inventing this artificial gulf between single people and married people is that helpful to either side.

fc123

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

A few years ago I met a man about 10 years older than myself. Nice guy, very pleasant, good company. He showed interest, and if I'd played my cards right I could have no doubt "snared him". He earns a lot of money and owns a large house in the Home Counties and by now I could have had a fancy wedding and be safely several rungs up the wondrous property ladder without ever having to mess around with tedious stuff like saving for a deposit. I didn't fancy him however. A few years down the line, I look at the attitude of society towards those who are single and rent, and wonder if I made the wrong decision; even if it had ended in divorce I would still be better off financially and would have had a chance to enjoy the social status a wedding ring magically confers.

The above is essentially a plot point for a minor character in a Jane Austen novel. I find it pretty depressing that educated, independent women in the 21st century still find that marriage is often the main option to financial security and social respect.

Love this post but then there's the s e x thing......most females (I desperately don't want to generalise here so bear with me) just can't get it on with someone they don't have spark with. It's different if it's your job (was it this thread about the prostitutes and cleaners?) and I have known a few in the profession well enough to now how they regard it.........but it has to feel right 24/7 otherwise it'll be dipping into the sherry at 2pm to numb the feelings.


I got married young and had kids young...not A Plan, just happened that way but, careerwise I would have been a zillion times better off (as so much energy both physical and mental) goes into being mum, wife and the rest. However I think I may have just lived through the perfect solution the past year; P/T hubby and 2 households.

Heaven...but wasn't a cheap option.:o In fact, it was soooo perfect I am busting a gut to make more ££££ so we could choose it as a lifestyle option one day..he loved it too and it got the sparks going again after 25 years.

We are back under one roof now and both adjusting...really politely....to living together again....and now with a 16 yr old who is challenging my decorating choices :eek:


I was thinking about the costs of child free very old people too (as I have had experience of that) and, in many families, the kids can support the very old person (like 85+) in their own homes but, with no family, they may 'cost' the state more.

To PN, I think it's just luck when the right person comes along and that can happen at 22 or 52. Just cos I met the right bloke @ 22 doesn't mean anything really...just a bit of random chance and luck....but it did take bucket loads of compromise to make it last mind.

ceridwen

fc123 wrote: »

Love this post but then there's the s e x thing......most females (I desperately don't want to generalise here so bear with me) just can't get it on with someone they don't have spark with. It's different if it's your job (was it this thread about the prostitutes and cleaners?) and I have known a few in the profession well enough to now how they regard it.........but it has to feel right 24/7 otherwise it'll be dipping into the sherry at 2pm to numb the feelings.





I was thinking about the costs of child free very old people too (as I have had experience of that) and, in many families, the kids can support the very old person (like 85+) in their own homes but, with no family, they may 'cost' the state more.

To PN, I think it's just luck when the right person comes along and that can happen at 22 or 52. Just cos I met the right bloke @ 22 doesn't mean anything really...just a bit of random chance and luck....but it did take bucket loads of compromise to make it last mind.

Thats always assuming that old people with children will get looked after by those children - FAR from a given in our Society......

Anyways.....some of us wouldnt ever live in an old peoples home if you paid us....:rotfl:- and it simply aint gonna happen ever....

fc123

ceridwen wrote: »

Thats always assuming that old people with children will get looked after by those children - FAR from a given in our Society......

Anyways.....some of us wouldnt ever live in an old peoples home if you paid us....:rotfl:- and it simply aint gonna happen ever....

True...and my old neighbour in Brighton was childless and her hubby had passed away 13 years prior to her needing help.
Social services were absolutely amazing and she had me next door to call on (which she did a lot) and she was determined not to go into a home...but there was no-one to state her case on her behalf.

She had a great niece, apparently, but I never met her and an old accountant friend of her husbands who 'did' the money.
He told her, about 8 months before she passed away, that there was no money left at all.....it was all 'in' the house.

She was determined to stay in her own home...and did manage it until she went into a hospital 4 weeks before she died but my step grandmother would have had a nightmare as she lived to 94...but my Dad sorted everything out for her. She married his widower father @ aged 65 ish and outlived my Grandfather by 15 years.