The Cost of Being Single (not single mums, proper single)

carolt

MissMoneypenny wrote: »

Apparently not, according to the benefits board. If only one of the married couple are working (the other could be claiming JSA or not claiming anything) and they lose their job, they don't just claim a single persons job seekers allowance of about £64pw, they can claim for their non working spouce too and that will be about £103pw plus all the extra benefits they claim for their children.

A married couple with children can be better off not working or working for just a few hours a week, as their cash welfare will be high.

Which is very silly.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

A few years ago I met a man about 10 years older than myself. Nice guy, very pleasant, good company. He showed interest, and if I'd played my cards right I could have no doubt "snared him". He earns a lot of money and owns a large house in the Home Counties and by now I could have had a fancy wedding and be safely several rungs up the wondrous property ladder without ever having to mess around with tedious stuff like saving for a deposit. I didn't fancy him however. A few years down the line, I look at the attitude of society towards those who are single and rent, and wonder if I made the wrong decision; even if it had ended in divorce I would still be better off financially and would have had a chance to enjoy the social status a wedding ring magically confers.

The above is essentially a plot point for a minor character in a Jane Austen novel. I find it pretty depressing that educated, independent women in the 21st century still find that marriage is often the main option to financial security and social respect.

MissMoneypenny

ninky wrote: »

but my experience of many longterm singles is they would struggle with the loss of personal space even sharing with a friend. which is possibly why they are single.

My experience has been different to yours in that many I know have divorced their partner and then go on to find happiness with someone who was never married or lived with someone.

Can you not accept that many of those married, are not happy with their lives but are too scared to live alone?

carolt

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

A few years ago I met a man about 10 years older than myself. Nice guy, very pleasant, good company. He showed interest, and if I'd played my cards right I could have no doubt "snared him". He earns a lot of money and owns a large house in the Home Counties and by now I could have had a fancy wedding and be safely several rungs up the wondrous property ladder without ever having to mess around with tedious stuff like saving for a deposit. I didn't fancy him however. A few years down the line, I look at the attitude of society towards those who are single and rent, and wonder if I made the wrong decision; even if it had ended in divorce I would still be better off financially and would have had a chance to enjoy the social status a wedding ring magically confers.

The above is essentially a plot point for a minor character in a Jane Austen novel. I find it pretty depressing that educated, independent women in the 21st century still find that marriage is often the main option to financial security and social respect.

It isn't.

You want to move in a different social set, then.

I have a close single female friend and single brother - 1 owns property, 1 is way cash richer than I and could easily afford to buy. I'm not aware of either feeling socially less respected - if you have friends like that, find better ones!

PS I was convinced you wwere a bloke until this post.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

carolt wrote: »

It isn't.

You want to move in a different social set, then.

I have a close single female friend and single brother - 1 owns property, 1 is way cash richer than I and could easily afford to buy. I'm not aware of either feeling socially less respected - if you have friends like that, find better ones!

PS I was convinced you wwere a bloke until this post.

I held off relating that story as I'd enjoyed posting with my gender not clarified.

A lot of the time it's relatives incessantly asking if you're with someone/getting married/settling down/on the property ladder- I can't discard that social set unfortunately!

I completed an OU degree on top of a full time job recently, which took a lot of time and effort. Most of my friends greeted this with mild bemusement or indifference. If I'd got myself the requisite diamond solitaire to flash on my finger, there'd have been squeals and shrieks and congratulations pouring in. That's when I realise society appears to value coupledom over education and self-betterment.

Re your rich single aquaintances; I will revert to Jane Austen and quote Emma Woodhouse who states that "a single woman of good fortune is always respectable." Sadly I'm not rich enough.

Badger_Lady

Out,_Vile_Jelly wrote: »

Re your rich single aquaintances; I will revert to Jane Austen and quote Emma Woodhouse who states that "a single woman of good fortune is always respectable." Sadly I'm not rich enough.

I've had feedback from dates before that I'm "too independent". A lot of the guys have set themselves up with job, house etc and just want a pretty girl to slot into it.

A strong woman with her own career, house and plans just doesn't slot in :cool:

Brallaqueen

Badger_Lady wrote: »

I've had feedback from dates before that I'm "too independent". A lot of the guys have set themselves up with job, house etc and just want a pretty girl to slot into it.

A strong woman with her own career, house and plans just doesn't slot in :cool:

Just wanted to give hugs

ninky_2

MissMoneypenny wrote: »

Apparently not, according to the benefits board. If only one of the married couple are working (the other could be claiming JSA or not claiming anything) and they lose their job, they don't just claim a single persons job seekers allowance of about £64pw, they can claim for their non working spouce too and that will be about £103pw plus all the extra benefits they claim for their children.

A married couple with children can be better off not working or working for just a few hours a week, as their cash welfare will be high.

yes but this is the key point isn't it. in many couples not just one person is working. plus if they are working it is quite unlikely the other one will be on jsa. the reason if only one person is working and they lose their job they get more is because that money is intended to cover both of them. in fact it is not equivalent of two single people claiming. so in fact they get less per person as a couple than two single people claiming.

ninky_2

MissMoneypenny wrote: »

My experience has been different to yours in that many I know have divorced their partner and then go on to find happiness with someone who was never married or lived with someone.

Can you not accept that many of those married, are not happy with their lives but are too scared to live alone?

yes i do accept this. can you accept that many singles are too scared to live with someone?

neverdespairgirl

Badger_Lady wrote: »

I've had feedback from dates before that I'm "too independent". A lot of the guys have set themselves up with job, house etc and just want a pretty girl to slot into it.

A strong woman with her own career, house and plans just doesn't slot in :cool:

It's an easy way, then, of seeing off blokes you'd be wasting your time with.

There are perfectly gorgeous men out there who don't mind (who positively enjoy) women with their own minds, careers, and plans.