The Cost of Being Single (not single mums, proper single)

ninky_2

ceridwen wrote: »

Some people doubtless choose to be single - but a lot of single people are single because they couldnt find Mr or Miss Right.

I am one of them.

There were various men that wanted to marry me - but, as none of them was right for me, I didn't do so. If I got married - then I would want to STAY married - not get divorced later, because I had chosen the wrong man, as so many people do.

here is the problem though. i was in two longterm relats before my marriage. both i expected to go on forever. i don't think many people go into a marriage expecting it not to last.

however, there is a myth about mr / miss right. doesn't exist. it's all about making compromises and making it work. plus you don't start a relationship thinking you are going to marry. you can't possibly know that straight away.

it's a bit like clothes shopping (though clearly more important) - some people will go and easily find an outfit. others will spend hours faffing around being fussy and come back with nothing.

MissMoneypenny

Just been reading on the benefits board and it seems a single person and a couple with 2 children will get their housing and council tax paid when they lose their job, but the difference they get in cash benefits is huge.

A single person who loses their job will be given £64pw cash benefits to pay their food and utility bills.
While the couple with 2 children will be given £268.95pw cash benefits.

ewloe wrote: »

Both me and my Wife are currently out of work here are our circumstances.

2 qualifying children
we have full entitlement for child tax credits and we are to receive £88.90 per week, I also receive £102.75 income based JSA.

Total £225.25

<sniP>

I have not included Child Benefits in the above calculations

Child benefit for 2 children is £33.70 pw.
Plus the £10pw family premium that some say is is missing. Total £268.95pw

SandC

ninky wrote: »

here is the problem though. i was in two longterm relats before my marriage. both i expected to go on forever. i don't think many people go into a marriage expecting it not to last.

however, there is a myth about mr / miss right. doesn't exist. it's all about making compromises and making it work. plus you don't start a relationship thinking you are going to marry. you can't possibly know that straight away.

it's a bit like clothes shopping (though clearly more important) - some people will go and easily find an outfit. others will spend hours faffing around being fussy and come back with nothing.

That's a rather skewed viewpoint actually. And clearly backs up my earlier point of threads about single people where we just end up getting picked on.

We're too fussy to have a partner and cannot compromise is what you are saying?

Sometimes you know, we make wrong choices, like everyone does. But if I had been perhaps a little more fussy I might have found someone by now who was a potential life partner instead of ultimately not being right. I have leapt in with high expectations only for things to not work out, either on his side or mine. I just didn't happen to live with any of them - maybe if I had they would have ended sooner (but with much more hassle no doubt) but I would have for some strange reason been held in higher regard by most of society for having been shacked up at least with 'someone' (read 'anyone') to make me a bit more normal and non fussy.

ninky_2

PasturesNew wrote: »

No privacy, can't have your stuff around, other people using your stuff maybe if you leave it out, can't enjoy a living room when you want, to watch TV you want there, because the other person likes other things, so you spend your time in your room watching your own TV. It's not quality.
.

why is this any different to being in a couple?? i've got my inlaws staying in my sitting room for a month at the moment. that's the sort of thing that happens when you are in a couple.

SandC

It's the sort of compromise anyone makes from time to time to help out friends or family - not JUST couples.

PN is referring to the suggestion that singles should share their home with some other single who is not their chosen partner in life - this is not the same as being in a couple at all.

ninky_2

MissMoneypenny wrote: »

Just been reading on the benefits board and it seems a single person and a couple with 2 children will get their housing and council tax paid when they lose their job, but the difference they get in cash benefits is huge.

but you're forgetting that a couple don't lose their 'job'. they both need to lose their job to get the benefits. otherwise the partner still in work is expected to subsidise.

ninky_2

SandC wrote: »

It's the sort of compromise anyone makes from time to time to help out friends or family - not JUST couples.

PN is referring to the suggestion that singles should share their home with some other single who is not their chosen partner in life - this is not the same as being in a couple at all.

yes but when you are single you choose who help out. when you are in a couple you have to accommodate your partners choices too.

anyway, it's not as if it's only strangers who are available to share with. there are such things as friends. but my experience of many longterm singles is they would struggle with the loss of personal space even sharing with a friend. which is possibly why they are single.

SandC

Well you really are charming aren't you?

MissMoneypenny

ninky wrote: »

but you're forgetting that a couple don't lose their 'job'. they both need to lose their job to get the benefits.

Apparently not, according to the benefits board. If only one of the married couple are working (the other could be claiming JSA or not claiming anything) and they lose their job, they don't just claim a single persons job seekers allowance of about £64pw, they can claim for their non working spouce too and that will be about £103pw plus all the extra benefits they claim for their children.

A married couple with children can be better off not working or working for just a few hours a week, as their cash welfare will be high.

carolt

SandC wrote: »

It's the sort of compromise anyone makes from time to time to help out friends or family - not JUST couples.

PN is referring to the suggestion that singles should share their home with some other single who is not their chosen partner in life - this is not the same as being in a couple at all.

I think you possibly don't get the reverse - that when you live in a couple, not only do you also have to share everything, but you have to tidy up after them too! (Esp if you have kids).

If I shared a house with strangers and they left me all the waashing up, say, or threw their dirty washing on the floor, or expected me to make their bed, hoover their rooms etc, as my kids do, I'd have some serious complaining to do!

Obviously I don't mind because I love my kids, and they're too little to manage for themselves, and OH works longer hours so it's fair I should do more of the housework - but my point is, there are swings and roundabouts - living with strangers bring you less joy but a lot less mess, too.