Clearmydebts - new chapter to becoming debt free before moving home

savingholmes

hi CMD I can so relate re OH - perhaps you could sit him down and explain how much there is to do and appeal to his better nature - I've tried but I can't do it all any more - I need your help. We need to focus on Max and making sure this little one inside me is okay and he/she won't be unless I manage to rest more!

A bit emotive but you get the gist

Hope things improve for you there... my OH is doing a little more - but still not enough either!

As to the CC - I find they are often a warning sign of other things that we are unhappy about in our lives - I know you are trying to resolve the main one by seeing if you can move back to Ireland

Perhaps review where you've been spending your money and on what - is there a common theme.... I found I never used half of what the kids were bought/given.... Perhaps that is an area you can cut back.... they won't notice as the age they are...

Hugs - its a difficult time - but I rarely speak to a mum to be who feels her OH is adequately supporting her - they tend to be one extreme or the other - under or over protective!

clearmydebts

savingholmes wrote: »

hi CMD I can so relate re OH - perhaps you could sit him down and explain how much there is to do and appeal to his better nature - I've tried but I can't do it all any more - I need your help. We need to focus on Max and making sure this little one inside me is okay and he/she won't be unless I manage to rest more!

A bit emotive but you get the gist

Hope things improve for you there... my OH is doing a little more - but still not enough either!

As to the CC - I find they are often a warning sign of other things that we are unhappy about in our lives - I know you are trying to resolve the main one by seeing if you can move back to Ireland

Perhaps review where you've been spending your money and on what - is there a common theme.... I found I never used half of what the kids were bought/given.... Perhaps that is an area you can cut back.... they won't notice as the age they are...

Hugs - its a difficult time - but I rarely speak to a mum to be who feels her OH is adequately supporting her - they tend to be one extreme or the other - under or over protective!

Thanks SavingH!

We are having a chat tonight about finances etc and where he can help more. I know OH doesn't feel he gets any time to himself but he spends so long procrastinating about doing things that he doesn't do them and spends hours walking up and down talking about it. It can take him an hour to actually get out the door to go to the shop instead of just going.

One example is that he needs new runners (the others are falling apart). I sourced a pair that he had before (and loved) and they were £35 which is very good for the brand. He dithered so much about it last week that they were sold out when he went to buy them. Maybe I should have bought them, but I have to organise everything else so why should I do that.

Ahhhhh - maybe I am just having a bad day because we are waiting to hear news back from the job and he hasn't heard anything in 2 weeks. Do you think it would be cheeky if he sent them a mail asking if they need anymore info, or should he wait another while. What annoys me is that there was a huge drama about him getting the info to the fella asap and then he doesn't even acknowledge it!

Dinah93

I know exactly where you are coming from CMD. I do all our finances, 80% of the housework, starting the business etc, and there are the ongoing baby negotiations which could bring an extra thing for me to manage. Before I went to Turkey I left a very small list of the absolute essentials I needed NIM to take care of while I was away - posting a few parcels, making a few phone calls, picking up some bits of furniture we'd bought, and checking the banking every day to make sure no account went overdrawn. When I got back he was so pleased with himself bless him he'd cleaned the kitchen, but nothing else had been done, the rest of the house was a state, we had £48 of OD fees and £450 sat in another account that would have prevented them. I spent the morning upset because I couldn't relly on him to help me manage the house when we both have jobs and its not like I have more time than he does. Seeing me so upset was definately the wake up he needed, in his own words 'I need to be more responsible if I want to convince you I'm ready to be a dad'. So what we did was sit down together and decide what he would take responsibility for. I still have the finances, but he has more of the housework. We actually wrote it down on the mini white board in the kitchen, so he knows what his jobs for the day are and he just gets on at doing them. I felt like a bit of a b***h to start with giving him a chore chart like a kid for pocket money, but he insists he asked for it, it helps him, and I feel a lot more supported as a result. Not saying it works for everyone, but we've been a LOT happier and closer the last fortnight than we were before, and I think seeing how it's changed our life for the better has given him a good incentive to continue. Plus it's taken away pretty much my last worry (apart from the icky squishy bodily stuff) about starting a family so he's pretty pleased with the result!

Birdie85

See that's what I need Dinah, but OH doesn't want to give me a chore chart because I'm old enough not to need one! But if it works for you guys maybe it'll do us good rather than me getting told off because I didn't clean round the back of the coffee maker because I didn't know I was expected to!

I hope you can get somewhere with your OH CMD, I'm sure that if he's a bit of a ditherer by nature then the not supporting you fully thing isn't intentional, he's probably just a bit like me and doesn't think a lot of the time about what needs doing!

I think he should chase up about the job, it shows that he's keen and pro-active IMO, I did that when I applied for my job the first time round and I'm fairly sure that's the reason they decided to give me an interview as on paper I wasn't qualified enough but the fact that I got in touch made them give me a chance and they saw the potential when they met me. Obviously your OH hasn't got that problem, but I reckon the same rules apply! I really hope he gets the job!

clearmydebts

Dinah93 wrote: »

I know exactly where you are coming from CMD. I do all our finances, 80% of the housework, starting the business etc, and there are the ongoing baby negotiations which could bring an extra thing for me to manage. Before I went to Turkey I left a very small list of the absolute essentials I needed NIM to take care of while I was away - posting a few parcels, making a few phone calls, picking up some bits of furniture we'd bought, and checking the banking every day to make sure no account went overdrawn. When I got back he was so pleased with himself bless him he'd cleaned the kitchen, but nothing else had been done, the rest of the house was a state, we had £48 of OD fees and £450 sat in another account that would have prevented them. I spent the morning upset because I couldn't relly on him to help me manage the house when we both have jobs and its not like I have more time than he does. Seeing me so upset was definately the wake up he needed, in his own words 'I need to be more responsible if I want to convince you I'm ready to be a dad'. So what we did was sit down together and decide what he would take responsibility for. I still have the finances, but he has more of the housework. We actually wrote it down on the mini white board in the kitchen, so he knows what his jobs for the day are and he just gets on at doing them. I felt like a bit of a b***h to start with giving him a chore chart like a kid for pocket money, but he insists he asked for it, it helps him, and I feel a lot more supported as a result. Not saying it works for everyone, but we've been a LOT happier and closer the last fortnight than we were before, and I think seeing how it's changed our life for the better has given him a good incentive to continue. Plus it's taken away pretty much my last worry (apart from the icky squishy bodily stuff) about starting a family so he's pretty pleased with the result!

Thanks Dinah

It's funny you should mention that, I have given him a couple of chores today and when we sit down tonight I think we will write a list as well. It sounds like it definitely works for you! It's a terrible feeling to feel responsible for everything. I think OH thinks I like it. Well - I don't! I would like to be carefree sometimes!!!

Sounds like you have done some thinking and talking about starting a family. All sounds very positive. We were petrified when we first made the decision to try for a baby and when I got pregnant there were times I felt completely overwhelmed by the whole thing. Nature is amazing though, and it does all click into place once the baby arrives.

You know where I am if you want to discuss anything by PM

clearmydebts

Birdie85 wrote: »

See that's what I need Dinah, but OH doesn't want to give me a chore chart because I'm old enough not to need one! But if it works for you guys maybe it'll do us good rather than me getting told off because I didn't clean round the back of the coffee maker because I didn't know I was expected to!

I hope you can get somewhere with your OH CMD, I'm sure that if he's a bit of a ditherer by nature then the not supporting you fully thing isn't intentional, he's probably just a bit like me and doesn't think a lot of the time about what needs doing!

I think he should chase up about the job, it shows that he's keen and pro-active IMO, I did that when I applied for my job the first time round and I'm fairly sure that's the reason they decided to give me an interview as on paper I wasn't qualified enough but the fact that I got in touch made them give me a chance and they saw the potential when they met me. Obviously your OH hasn't got that problem, but I reckon the same rules apply! I really hope he gets the job!

Maybe a chore list would be good for you Birdie, esp if you don't mind getting one. I am going to do it with OH because I think he likes it and when he does do things he feels way better about himself. He defo isn't being unsupportive on purpose, just dizzy!

I think I will tell him to email re: the job. 2 weeks is more than enough time to wait for a response!

Birdie85

We've got a whiteboard that needs putting up in the spare room anyway so I'm going to decorate it a bit (like I do with everything!) and put it up and ask OH to list what he wants me to do on it, and use it to remind myself of things I mean to do but then forget!

Of course... I'll probably get home and forget to dig the whiteboard out so it won't get put up... :rotfl:

clearmydebts

Birdie85 wrote: »

We've got a whiteboard that needs putting up in the spare room anyway so I'm going to decorate it a bit (like I do with everything!) and put it up and ask OH to list what he wants me to do on it, and use it to remind myself of things I mean to do but then forget!

Of course... I'll probably get home and forget to dig the whiteboard out so it won't get put up... :rotfl:

It really sounds like it would work for you though Birdie! And you get the satisfaction of crossing off the list!!!

wendz86

CMD - sounds like you are doing a fab job to me, but then I can't seem to manage to get anything done yet... need to get used to this being a Mummy thing! I am sure your OH doesn't mean to be not helpful, but can see how it is frustrating!

clearmydebts

wendz86 wrote: »

CMD - sounds like you are doing a fab job to me, but then I can't seem to manage to get anything done yet... need to get used to this being a Mummy thing! I am sure your OH doesn't mean to be not helpful, but can see how it is frustrating!

I couldn't get a thing done at the start either! It takes a while to get used to it Wendz! How is the beautiful Poppy?