SAHMS - How to rejoin the real world after being a mum?

thrifty_sue

OrkneyStar - thank you for sticking up mums. It is a hard job and sad that so many don't recognise the work that goes into raising a child.


I wish the op all the best of luck with finding a new job, I am sure you have plenty of transferable skills to offer a future employer.

Rainey_LB

OrkneyStar wrote: »

If OP has been a SAHM she has not had it easy (being a mum is NOT an easy job, even if you love it), or been a lady of leisure! She has been doing the most important job in the world, but her children have now grown and so she is moving into a new role!
OP can I suggest you write down everything you did as a parent- then see in that what skills you might have developed over the time as a parent (eg patience for one!).
It might be a case of just getting a job, any job, and use it as a stepping stone. Also maybe look into evening classes (also free/cheaper for those on low incomes)- fun way to meet people and get skills.
All the very best and don't put yourself down.xx

I will probably get shot for this, and maybe it's not quite your point, but I am sick of STAHM's (not necessarily on MSE) telling me how hard it is and how busy they are and how I don't understand what they have to do everyday and how I've got it easy to go to work........I have 2 jobs and 2 kids, 3 if you count the OH....and still have to do everything a STAHM has to do....who else do you think does it.....very sorry rant over!!!!

No offence OP, my little rant is by no way aimed at you, I would love to spend some time as a STAHM, I am sure you will find something that suits you soon and you will feel good for contributing to your family in a different way now your kids have grown. Think of it as starting out on a new adventure, give yourself some time, don't feel like it should all fall into place straightway and just take each day as it comes. You now have the opportunity to try new things and find out what you might enjoy doing. Just be open to trying new things, if you don't like the first thing you try, move on to something else and I am sure you will make new friends along the way.

Good luck!

** of course I am not disputing how hard it is to be a good mum, STAH or otherwise!!

Spendless

I agree that you need to discover 'you'. A customer service course might help you with the difficult clients. Do you work p-time or f-time. If it's p-time look into doing voluntary work as well as.

A recent personal development course I did had you drawing a circle and dividing it into eight sections (like you'd do a cake). In each section write a heading eg partner, health, work, money etc. At the middle of the circle write a 0 at the outer edge write a 10. Now draw a dot on each segment at the 10 if that area of your life is absolutely fab at the 0 if it's rubbish/non -existant, then join the dots up. Look at the areas where you get a low score and work on that one segment. As a natural consequence you will find that as you work on one area in your life another improves as well (trust me I've had it happen and I'm the happiest I've ever known!). The idea isn't to get all areas on a score of 10 but to get balance in your life.

OrkneyStar

Rainey_LB wrote: »

I will probably get shot for this, and maybe it's not quite your point, but I am sick of STAHM's (not necessarily on MSE) telling me how hard it is and how busy they are and how I don't understand what they have to do everyday and how I've got it easy to go to work........I have 2 jobs and 2 kids, 3 if you count the OH....and still have to do everything a STAHM has to do....who else do you think does it.....very sorry rant over!!!!

No offence OP, my little rant is by no way aimed at you, I would love to spend some time as a STAHM, I am sure you will find something that suits you soon and you will feel good for contributing to your family in a different way now your kids have grown. Think of it as starting out on a new adventure, give yourself some time, don't feel like it should all fall into place straightway and just take each day as it comes. You now have the opportunity to try new things and find out what you might enjoy doing. Just be open to trying new things, if you don't like the first thing you try, move on to something else and I am sure you will make new friends along the way.

Good luck!

** of course I am not disputing how hard it is to be a good mum, STAH or otherwise!!

'sigh' xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

thrifty_sue

OrkneyStar - agree with you :mad:

JessicaFletcher

Orkneystar - that's a great post and I agree with everything you said.

OP - I think, like many others have said, that this is partly a self-esteem issue. I don't really have much advice that hasn't been given already, but I feel similarly to you although my children are still very young. I haven't really ever had a passion for a particular career and I love being at home with my girls.

gratefulforhelp_2

Samanthamum wrote: »

Due to financies I recently had to return to work part time. I really don't like my job it is very boring and although the staff are nice, they are all young and I have nothing in common with them. My husband says i need to focus on what i want for a career and returning full time. I am lost. All I know is being a wife and mother and that is all I ever wanted to be.

I don't know where to go from here. I want to want a life, I am only mid 30's and women my age do have social lives, carreers. I am so scared though and have no idea what would suit me and have lost the art of being "me". I have no friends and do not have a life outside my family. I am also very overweight and frumpy.

How do I do this? I cry everyday for the life I have lost. Playgroup, school runs. I thought about another baby, but I don't think that is the answer.

pukkamum has nailed this. These are complex issues, not just one. You sound a little depressed. How about a MACAW make a change a week? Why not list little changes you could make here and we can follow your progress?

leanneq wrote: »

I'm afraid i agree with your husband. You have had it easy for far too long. We would all love to be a lady of leisure but its life and you have to work.

I'm afraid your reply falls something short of empathetic, Leanne.

Agree with OS.

leanneq

OrkneyStar wrote: »

If OP has been a SAHM she has not had it easy (being a mum is NOT an easy job, even if you love it), or been a lady of leisure! She has been doing the most important job in the world, but her children have now grown and so she is moving into a new role!
OP can I suggest you write down everything you did as a parent- then see in that what skills you might have developed over the time as a parent (eg patience for one!).
It might be a case of just getting a job, any job, and use it as a stepping stone. Also maybe look into evening classes (also free/cheaper for those on low incomes)- fun way to meet people and get skills.
All the very best and don't put yourself down.xx

But mum's rarely can afford not to work so theres lots of mums who work AND care for their children along with having the guilt of not being at home.

andrealm

leanneq wrote: »

But mum's rarely can afford not to work so theres lots of mums who work AND care for their children along with having the guilt of not being at home.

Actually, it's not that rare. Plenty of mums of young children don't work through choice and quite often the cost of childcare, especially for more than one child, makes it unviable for them to work. It's not always a bed of roses being a SAHM though, it can be very stressful being with your kids 24/7. You wouldn't say to someone who was employed as a nanny that they'd had it easy, would you?

There is no reason why mums should feel guilty about working, as long as their children are happy and well cared for. Do working dads feel guilty about not being at home all the time?

Caroline73_2

I've been a working mum and a stay at home mum. There were no differences to what I did at home whether I was WAHM or SAHM. Now I'm a SAHM I have an extra 40 hours a week to do it in.