SAHMS - How to rejoin the real world after being a mum?

pukkamum

From what i read this is more about your self esteem than anything else, after being at home for so long you can lose sight of 'yourself' and feel you are defined only as a wife and mum.
The fact is you now have the chance to be whatever you want to be.
You can tackle the weight issue with a bit of will power, try a slimming club, i lost 6 stone with WW's a few years ago.
Don't use your weight as something to hide behind, i know i did, oh i can't join in, go for drinks with collegues etc etc i'm too fat. but really it was becasue i was too shy.

You are the only one who can change how you feel, you either have to start being hard with yourself and force yourself into the situations you feel uncomfortable with or you can be miserable for the rest of your life, i know which i would choose.

You need to find the strength to change the things you cannot accept ie weight, the way you dress, the way you react in situations, and accept the things you cannopt change ie having to work, not being at home anymore and how you feel in situations.

As for not having anything in common with work mates, it doesn't matter, the best advice i can give when you are having to talk to someone you don't know is ask them about themsleves, people love to talk about themselves, ask if married, children etc etc.

If you find you dress frumpy go to one of the shops and look at a mannequin or one of the shop workers and if you like the outfit buy the whole thing, look at other women your age and copy what they are wearing, i think clothes go a long way in giving me confidence.

All this though will take time, don't beat yourself up about it it is a big adjustment and will take time.

leanneq

I'm afraid i agree with your husband. You have had it easy for far too long. We would all love to be a lady of leisure but its life and you have to work.
You need to lose your weight ( healthy eating AND exercise!) and you will feel so much better and have more confidence. You can then look to get a job you enjoy more. We all have bad days and lots of people hate their jobs but you have to keep at it until you find something better.

theladsmum

The change in lifestyle that going back to work involves is stressful in itself. Keep at the part time job you have at the moment, and get used to going out to work again. Keep an eye out for better jobs (and by that I don't just mean more money) and you never know what will happen.

You don't need a lot of money to make yourself less frumpy - there is a thread on here somewhere about beauty buys for less than £5, and various others about clothes/appearance/weight loss.

I had to go back to work full time last year for financial reasons after 10 years, and it took me quite a while to adjust, but that's the way it goes. Needs must.

Philip624

have you thought about volunteering at a local nursery or playgroup? you could do half days so still maintaining a lot of free time plus it would get you out and about with a purpose and you may get friendly with the other workers there.

Pee

I'm sure it must be a very emotional time for you and working in the call centre does not sound ideal. Well done you for getting out and getting a job. Is being a SAHM really that great or the alternatives just very scary?

I am sure there are other jobs which you could be a lot more interested in, although if you don't like other people's children, maybe you should be looking at working with handicapped people or older people? A job cleaning for elderly people would have contact with them, be great exercise and easily found to replace the call centre work immediately.

What sort of office skills do you have? If you'd like to work in an office longer term then maybe you should be looking at a secretarial course. Are you interested in using your degree? Is any funding available for post grad study i.e. sponsorship?

You say about being fat and frumpy. How you feel about your weight is often not connected to your actual weight. Don't let that hold you back. Exercise might be very helpful as it sounds to me like you may have some depression, which regular exercise can sometimes assist with. Careers advice is a great option mentioned before and you really should try to find some.

Asda for instance do some really nice smart suits with a good range of sizes incredibly cheaply. A little focused spending might make you feel lots better about yourself. Some of your new wages should be going on you, of course.

Counting_Pennies_2

Walking is free, get out there every evening when OH is home and go for a good walk round the block.

In terms of jobs, not everything is office based. Have a look around and see what you fancy trying out.

If you work part-time go to the volunteers centre near you, find it in your phone book, and see what you fancy, and what you might be able to get a job in later on once you have volunteered for a while.

hth

brians_daughter

ok, lets look at the positives here. You have a husband who loves you, a home you feel secure in, a son who adores you and a job (which no matter how dull some people would give an arm and a leg for). Thats a great start!

Maybe if you got a job you enjoyed more you would gain the confidence needed to change your appearance and health. Its not all about motivation, its about believeing in yourself and your self worth, once you have this the weight loss, and change of lifestlye will follow.

You say you like office work, why not be a volunteer at a local centre, it doesnt matter what the charity does but they will need someone to answer the phones, type letters, do filing and paperwork -its not all customer facing. If you could fit this in for 1 day a week around your current job you would build recent relevant experience, enhance your CV and start to feel better about yourself. You will also meet like minded folks who you will hopefully bond with, and then you can form friendships!

I know it all sounds so easy, it is far from easy but it is a goal that is well within your grasps.

I would write a list of what you want to achieve and how you can get there.

Most importantly chin up and get on with it. You are only young and can build the life you want, once you know what it is that you want! Good luck on your exciting journey!

Brighton_belle

Some great advice so far.
Another idea is to start looking at what adult ed clsses start in your area in Sept. Good way to try new interests, and always easier to start talking to other people when you are doing an activity that you all enjoy. Or look for a class that will give you up to date office skills to improve your CV.
Well done for getting that job.I do think your 1st job is a tough one though - I would find a call centre difficult, but you have still bitten the buffet and gone for it becasue you need to:T.
This is just the start - keep building small steps to getting out there and getting a life.

Rainey_LB

I agree with the post above saying it sounds like you are lacking in self esteem and have lost yourself abit along the way. For all your adult like you have been 'someones' mum and although you'll always be mum you not needed in the same way as before, so your not quite sure where your life is heading.

You need to find some purpose, your working part-time and although you don't like it is a job, I don't like my job much either but its a means to an end and there are not many around at the moment!! But if you really hate it start looking for something else, getting offered another job will give your confidence a boost, if you are not successful when applying at first don't let it dampen your spirits just put it don't to the amount of applicants out there at the moment and move on.

If it is only part-time you are working get down your local library or leisure centre they often have other activities going on see whats available. Also see if there is a Womens Advice Centre nearby they normally have all sorts of activities, support and advice sessions, quite often the are free or very lost cost. Like the post above says join a class or group that you are interested in that way you are likely to meet people with similar interests.

OrkneyStar

leanneq wrote: »

I'm afraid i agree with your husband. You have had it easy for far too long. We would all love to be a lady of leisure but its life and you have to work.
You need to lose your weight ( healthy eating AND exercise!) and you will feel so much better and have more confidence. You can then look to get a job you enjoy more. We all have bad days and lots of people hate their jobs but you have to keep at it until you find something better.

If OP has been a SAHM she has not had it easy (being a mum is NOT an easy job, even if you love it), or been a lady of leisure! She has been doing the most important job in the world, but her children have now grown and so she is moving into a new role!
OP can I suggest you write down everything you did as a parent- then see in that what skills you might have developed over the time as a parent (eg patience for one!).
It might be a case of just getting a job, any job, and use it as a stepping stone. Also maybe look into evening classes (also free/cheaper for those on low incomes)- fun way to meet people and get skills.
All the very best and don't put yourself down.xx