SAHMS - How to rejoin the real world after being a mum?

Samanthamum

I had my child when I was young and I have been a SAHM all my adult life. I have volunteered and studied but my main focus has been my family. I don't like nights out and am very happy pottering about at home. My son is now a teenager and growing up.

Due to financies I recently had to return to work part time. I really don't like my job it is very boring and although the staff are nice, they are all young and I have nothing in common with them. My husband says i need to focus on what i want for a career and returning full time. I am lost. All I know is being a wife and mother and that is all I ever wanted to be.

I don't know where to go from here. I want to want a life, I am only mid 30's and women my age do have social lives, carreers. I am so scared though and have no idea what would suit me and have lost the art of being "me". I have no friends and do not have a life outside my family. I am also very overweight and frumpy.

How do I do this? I cry everyday for the life I have lost. Playgroup, school runs. I thought about another baby, but I don't think that is the answer.

Any help?

Alikay

Do you really love the SAHM lifestyle your family have now outgrown, rather than simply being scared to try something different? If so, why not try fostering? The lack of friends and being overweight fat and frumpy are a different matter and I'm sure you know how to deal with that! You are an individual and just because "other women" have careers and more of a focus on activities outside the home and family doesn't mean you have to as well.

onlyroz

What about something like an Open University course? It'll give you something to focus on while you're doing your "boring" job, and in a few years you'll have the qualifications to do something more fulfilling.

Samanthamum

Alikay wrote: »

Do you really love the SAHM lifestyle your family have now outgrown, rather than simply being scared to try something different? If so, why not try fostering? The lack of friends and being overweight fat and frumpy are a different matter and I'm sure you know how to deal with that! You are an individual and just because "other women" have careers and more of a focus on activities outside the home and family doesn't mean you have to as well.

Fostering doesn't appeal i am afraid. Not a fan of other people children! Besides we just don't have the room and I doubt hubby would be on board.

I am dieting, but have no idea how to get more friends or feel less frumpy as just dont have the money to splash out on new clothes/make up

Samanthamum

onlyroz wrote: »

What about something like an Open University course? It'll give you something to focus on while you're doing your "boring" job, and in a few years you'll have the qualifications to do something more fulfilling.

Thanks but I do have a degree already (studied when my son was at primary) Would like to do post grad, but just dont have the money.

The degree does not seem to be helping in getting me a better job as I am trying. I think all my time out of workforce has had a huge impact.

The thing is I dont want a job, a career. I kind of want to feel like I want more, but I dont. Quite happy being a housewife, but needs must. The question i have is how do i want that lifestyle? I cant be a housewife with no children and plus we cant afford it.

onlyroz

What is your degree in? Most degrees would be enough for you to go into something like primary school teaching - and then you'd still be available during the school holidays for the kids.

loopylou121

Have you tried trampolining as a cheap way to keep fit at home and raise your spirits? Also how about having a chat with a careers advisor to try to find something that would excite you?

Samanthamum

loopylou121 wrote: »

Have you tried trampolining as a cheap way to keep fit at home and raise your spirits? Also how about having a chat with a careers advisor to try to find something that would excite you?

LOL. We got rid of trampoline a few years ago as son is too old. i doubt the neighbours would appreciate the sight of my flabby body bouncing up and down!

I know I would like to work in an office, no travel and not dealing with public/conflict too much. I am applying for these sort of roles, but no joy yet. I am working in a call centre now and I HATE it. I am too slow and dont meet the targets as I am too nice and spend too much time passing the time of day rather than doing my job. I also get very upset (cry) if i get a difficult customer and have been told off for this.

I guess I cant think of anything that would excite me enough to want to drag myself out of bed every morning and kill myself for 40 hours a week. That is basically my problem. Lazy i guess. No motivation. Too used to the easy life as my husband says!

My_Fathers_Daughter

onlyroz wrote: »

What is your degree in? Most degrees would be enough for you to go into something like primary school teaching - and then you'd still be available during the school holidays for the kids.

Only with a teaching qualification!


What is your job currently OP and what kind of thing interests you?

Have you thought about volunteer work to gain some experience and something a bit different to put on your CV?

sueeve

If you enjoy making a home for your family what about helping someone else to do that. I don't mean just doing the cleaning, but generally being support and nurture to someone who needs it. A family with a handicapped child for instance, or anything you can think of. Not a lot of money, but using the skills you have developed over the years, easy to be part time, and may lead to something specific you would like to do. It would give you a bit of time to make the right decision. What was your degree subject?

onlyroz

My_Fathers_Daughter wrote: »

Only with a teaching qualification!

Which takes a year to get...