Gets better and better - Crazy EX has decided to miraculously rename our daughter!

ses6jwg

It just gets better and better.....

Not content with denying I ever existed despite sharing a daughter and being together for almost 4 years.... the EX has now decided to miraculously change our daughter's surname without my consent!

Whether she has started doing it on a formal basis yet remains to be seen, however a mate of my has seen on her facebook page she has our daughter listed with her surname in BIG CAPITAL LETTERS under "Family", and to top it all off, despite our daughter only being 3 years old, and having already been taught her correct name.... she came to mine as usual this weekend and when asked her name and came out with her mother's surname! So it seems a bit of brainwashing has been going on!!!


As you can imagine, quite distressed, so been doing some research.

I have PR as she was born after 2003 and I am on the birth certificate.

Daughter bears my surname on her birth certificate and her passport, trust fund, bank accounts, etc.

I checked with the school last week, and she was still enrolled with my surname.

I plan to request a copy of her birth cert from the registry office this week, and check again with the school and doctors surgery.

Obviously, what she has done is completely IMMORAL, and has quite obviously been done as a way to spite me, quite sick really. My sister spend hours with my daughter when she was quite young, teaching her her name, now she has gone and brainwashed her with the incorrect name!

I work in a bank so I know the kind of problems this causes people when they are older i.e. cant apply for bank accounts, to vote, because aas far as the legal system knows they do not exist!

Anyone know where I stand legally on this?

Is it worth getting my solicitor to write a letter to her setting out where she stands legally and the implications of such irresponsible and selfish actions?

MrsBartolozzi

I doubt there's anything legal you can do. Legally you can call yourself whatever you like, as long as your "real" name goes on the passport etc.

My SIl has a child from another relationship and he wanted to be "part of the family" when bro and SIL got married. The child is now known as my bro's surname at school etc, but his passport is still in his real name.
Ultimately it might be about making your daughter feel more comfortable when she goes to school soon, as she'll have the same surname as her Mum who is (I'm guessing) her main carer and the one to pick her up from school see the teacher etc- might make things easier for her mum too when in contact with the school if they both have the same name.

I don't think it's immoral. I assume you'd let your ex marry some day. Will you enforce your daughter to keep your name even though it will mean she's different to her brothers and sisters, mum and stepdad?

ses6jwg

The school, doctors, any record keepers, from what I've read, are not allowed to change a childs name unless they have permission from all parties with PR, which they do not and will not ever have.

I don't really care how comfortable my EX feels with having a different surname to her daugther - I could not give a stuff. She brought it on herself. I'm going to be liasing with the school and be involved in everything so daughter having the same name as me is not a problem there.

All daughter's documentation is in my name, everything, bank accounts, passport, birth certificate, she is only 3 and for months she has been saying my surname and now this week she comes out with this name. What kind of a sicko confuses a 3 year old child so they can get back at someone?

MrsBartolozzi

You seem very angry about this - she is still your daughter and always will be no matter what she is being called. Maybe speak calmly with your ex and find out her motivations for this name change. You are coming across here (IMHO) to be a bit controlling and digging your heels over some principle won't make your daughter's life any easier.

ses6jwg

MrsBartolozzi wrote: »

You seem very angry about this - she is still your daughter and always will be no matter what she is being called. Maybe speak calmly with your ex and find out her motivations for this name change. You are coming across here (IMHO) to be a bit controlling and digging your heels over some principle won't make your daughter's life any easier.

I am very angry because there is no need for her to be doing this. It is of no advantage to our daughter to be doing this when all her legal documenation is bearing my surname.

As I said I work in a bank and see the type of problems and confusion this causes people day in and day out.

I'm afraid I have attempted to speak calmly with her and made an offer of independent mediation both of which were refused.

ses6jwg

MrsBartolozzi wrote: »

I doubt there's anything legal you can do. Legally you can call yourself whatever you like, as long as your "real" name goes on the passport etc.

My SIl has a child from another relationship and he wanted to be "part of the family" when bro and SIL got married. The child is now known as my bro's surname at school etc, but his passport is still in his real name.
Ultimately it might be about making your daughter feel more comfortable when she goes to school soon, as she'll have the same surname as her Mum who is (I'm guessing) her main carer and the one to pick her up from school see the teacher etc- might make things easier for her mum too when in contact with the school if they both have the same name.

I don't think it's immoral. I assume you'd let your ex marry some day. Will you enforce your daughter to keep your name even though it will mean she's different to her brothers and sisters, mum and stepdad?

By then I'd assume she would be old enough to decide for herself what she wants to be known as.

A bit different from deliberately brainwashing a 3 year old into believing their name is the wrong one, just to try and "get one over" on someone.

MrsBartolozzi

ses6jwg wrote: »

I am very angry because there is no need for her to be doing this.
But obviously your ex sees some "need" or she wouldn't have done it.
Whether it's to make school easier or to try to eliminate you from her life as much as poss (well she has to write your surname whenever she writes her daughters) or something in between.

As I said I work in a bank and see the type of problems and confusion this causes people day in and day out.

A 3 year old won't be needing to get a loan or a mortgage any time soon so I think basing your argument on this is a bit weak.


I'm afraid I have attempted to speak calmly with her and made an offer of independent mediation both of which were refused.
I haven't read any of your other threads - I infer the situation has been difficult for a while. How much input do you have in your daughter's life? Do you get to see her much?
Could you be using this "her name is my name and should stay that way" as a way of maintaining some "ownership" of your daughter because you don't get to see her as much as you'd like?

Just a few thoughts.

ses6jwg

As is usually the case on this forum.... any request for advice from a single father gets battered into submission by a woman scorned....

I'll go to Families Need Fathers me thinks.

I don't want her name changed because that's her name. That's what she was given at birth and that's what I want it to stay as until she gets married.

I don't give a stuff how the ex "feels" about it because she brought the whole situation on herself.

I love my daughter and want the best for her. I don't believe changing her name is in her interests. The end.

MrsBartolozzi

Ok then. .....

delain

I know you find your situation frustrating, but this is about what you want, and about you feeling sidelined in your daughter's life, not about what's best for her!

If you come accross this bitter when you 'offer mediation' no wonder she says no

Mrs_Imp

OP, I'm afraid that some exes are like that. They do their best to punish you through the child. The more it winds you up, the more satisfaction they get from it, no matter how much the child gets hurt or confused by everything. They will use any excuse to justify their wants for the child (this is about what the EX WANTS not what is best for the child).

You need to take a deep breath and not show her that this has irritated you. By all means check with the school Dr etc to make sure nothing illegal has occured, but don't get into an argument with you ex on this. She will see it as a victory.

Do NOT ever get caught up in arguments with the mother, she will get the satisfaction and the child will suffer.

My friend went through the same. The mother got a ticking off for illegally changing the child's name at the school and Drs. The mother got so irate that in the end the courts decided to insist on a double barrelled name for the child. It kept both parents happy-ish. Once the child turns 16 they can decide on what name they want.