Time seems passing so quick and no luck to find a new partner... any ideas please!!

Frugalista

Fang wrote: »

You're trying to compete with women years younger than you, for men who may very well be seriously thinking about children, and you can't give them that. You have neither youth, (comparable) beauty or a womb function on your side. Widen your criteria, or you'll end up alone.

I don't think the OP's Mr Right would be one who is just looking for a brood mare anyway!!

Errata

bluetifulguide wrote: »

Again, thank you all sooo much.
Blue

Meanwhile........... join a golf club, tennis club, gym, join something that blokes join.

meritaten

Its because you are LOOKING for a partner you cant find one. you need to sort your own life out and get comfortable and settled.
why do you think you need a partner anyway? cant you live without one? why not?
a real partner is someone who enriches your life - not props up yours.

Zazen999

Fang wrote: »

You're trying to compete with women years younger than you, for men who may very well be seriously thinking about children, and you can't give them that. You have neither youth, (comparable) beauty or a womb function on your side. Widen your criteria, or you'll end up alone.

Fangtastic.

Slinky

I don't understand the people who say 'because you are looking for somebody you won't find one.'

If I'd taken any more notice of that suggestion (which I'd also had), I wouldn't be sitting here with my now husband. I got to late 30s without finding my Mr Right. At a the suggestion of a friend's mother I put an advert in the personal column of a national newspaper (in the days before the premium rate phone numbers and internet dating, and when you had to pay in the region of £100 to advertise). Got some interesting letters, met some interesting people, but it took the third advert before Mr Right answered, and even then I nearly let him slip through my fingers.

Like the OP, I wasn't interested in having children or being burdened by somebody else's. If kids don't do it for you, they don't. It's possible to find somebody who fits your requirements, but in my case it took effort to go out and find him. We'd never have met by chance.

gilbert_and_sullivan

The requirements for a potential mate should be scrapped imo, there is at the moment a decent chap who though on paper might not be mr perfect may well in practice turn out to be an out of time gentleman of the old school, few and far between and usually rather unfussed about their appearence, that's for male models and dishonourable cads.

No one would ever have matched my lovely wife and i, though we complement each other perfectly.
A chance meeting through work many years ago i gazed into her eyes and that was it.

Have patience, the right chap will pop up unexpectedly somewhere, check the package not the packaging and be wary of perfection, if it's too good to be true it probably is.

Kay_Peel

I think you have to narrow down the field of possibles to those men who (quite possibly) have the same interests and enthusiasms as you do.

Finding myself single and with an empty nest, I felt free to develop interests that I couldn't have contemplated when I was working mother. I took up golf and joined a club where I have made close friends of both sexes. I may not have fancied any of the men who were drawn to play with me in 'mixed' competitions, but, oh boy, have I had many hours of fun, laughter, good games, splendid dinners and good company. Had I simply met these men in a staged meeting after advertising for a companion, I would have been sadly disappointed that they didn't meet my shopping list of requirements - but as it stands now, we have something in common and I see their many qualities and I feel totally home with all of them.

I'm not saying you should join a golf club or anything like that. I'm saying that your best chance of finding your male companion(s) is in a place where you both already share something - an interest, a hobby, a cause or an activity.

Good luck in finding him, wherever he may be.

SandC

In defence of those who think that someone aged around 40 with no baggage must be suspect - well sometimes that's just how it works out.

I will be 40 this year and I have no baggage. I have never lived with a partner, been married or have kids or even pets. No, I do not live with parent(s), I bought my property at aged 24.

I have had boyfriends but they just haven't worked out. When you meet someone of similar outlook then you tend to have similar lifestyles - hence if you've both got properties then you don't just move in together at the drop of a hat. It's much more of a serious commitment when one or both of you has to decided to sell up and start again.

Having said that, I've been single for 18 months now after a long distance thing (I may be a bit of a commitment phobe!) and looking to meeting someone I'm more than prepared for them to have been married, had children or both - but similarly would not be suspicious if they'd never settled down. My only problem would be if they had always wanted children - I would have to nip it in the bud before I got too involved if that was the case as I have no intention of having kids. That could be a major, major biggie if you are looking for someone 40+ with no 'baggage'. They may well want things that you don't. I would steer a man who did towards perhaps trying to meet someone maybe 10 years younger.

Running_Horse

I reached 39 without being married, living with someone, or having a relationship for more than a few months. Luckily my wife saw through that, spotted husband material, and we have been very happy together. Luckily I stopped repeating lifelong mistakes, started a relationship with someone from outside my usual criteria, and pride my self on having been a good husband and father for several years. Sometimes life just turns out the way it does, and the important thing is to learn from it and make appropriate changes.

gonzo127

i agree with most of the other comments that you are being a bit to narrow with your 'search criteria' limiting yourself to a 5 year age range and a 2 inch height range seems somewhat superficial and I can just imagine the situation of meeting Mr Right and getting talking get on like a house on fire etc and then oh wait you are actually 40 ½ years old, well leave me alone I am not interested in someone as young as you…. Or oh wait your 5’8 sorry too short for me!

Anyways a little over the top with the situation above but you get what I mean, you really should not discount anyone purely on physical attributes, or if you have to, at least widen them further so that you can take into account the ‘fringe’ people around your ‘ideal’

But what ever you do, my best advice would be to really just keep an open mind, if I thought about my ideal situation based just on a set of facts I certainly would not be in the situation I am in now, which is happily married to a women who is 14 years older than me with 2 kids from a previous marriage living 300 miles away from my ‘old’ friends and my family, but I wouldn’t swap my situation for the world