Time seems passing so quick and no luck to find a new partner... any ideas please!!

Zazen999

Errata wrote: »

I think it's the OP who's stating they don't have any baggage. Why is this so important to the OP that they have to mention it ? Everyone of the OP's age has baggage. Some have it sorted out and parcelled away, others not.

I got this from the first post....he seems still carry the old baggage in his shoulder, dont know how to relax and move on

Ergo - the OP doesn't seem able to cope with people with baggage.

I like a bit of baggage myself, makes them more interesting.

Errata

Example: Here's what I'm looking for;
I have no baggage for you to worry about, no children, no pets, looking for someone similar, is that too much to ask?

I read it as the OP has no baggage, but quite agree. No baggage = haven't lived.
Although of course the OP may mean she has no emotional hangups or irrepareable damage.

Rockporkchop

Good luck with your search. I have a few friends in their early/mid 30s and even the blokes they meet who are the same age all seem to be divorced with kids, so it is really difficult to find someone without baggage.

Have you tried using dating sites or joining clubs specifically for people who are child free by choice? I'm sure there are a few out there.

Try not to get too focused on your list of pre-requisites though. Just go out as much as you can and enjoy meeting and dating different people. You never know, if you date enough Mr Right Nows, one of them might actually turn into Mr Right.

whitewing

Even just your preferred age and height narrows it down massively.

ellay864

If you've no ties with kids etc then presumably you could join groups, take up activities where you'll meet people. Enjoy their company before you even start to think of them as possible 'dates' - as others have said, the harder you look the less likely it often seems to be to find a fella....and nothing is more off-putting than somebody seemingly trying too hard to catch themselves a partner!
As someone who became single with 2 young children and no family support I used the online route, but rather than dating sites I used to use chat rooms, where I built up dialogue with people long before getting into any kind of online relationship. I met a few guys that was - mostly OK but never anything that was destined for anything further. I did use some dating sites but in each case I always spent time mailing, then phoning a guy before we met. At least I had a pretty good idea of what he was about by the time we met - then it just comes down to whether there is that spark. In the end it was a guy from the chat room that I'd been chatting to for months with no hint of any interest...we met up for lunch one day as we realised we worked close to each other, had a great time purely as friends and decided to meet again....then it just snowballed...check my signature now and you can see how it turned out 6 years on If I'd been asked to describe my ideal man he would be younger, darker, sportier and without the mountain of debt he came with....being too restrictive means you could miss out on a lot
There are nice men out there - just try to relax and enjoy things a bit more

alyth

I'm going to play devil's advocate here and say why don't you want to be on your own? I've been on my own now for two years after a 15 year relationship, I hit 40 extremely soon and I would rather bite off my leg than ever be with anyone ever again!

However, if you do want to meet someone, then why not join a club- it's a cliche but I'm told it works - I've never done it. If you like walking then the ramblers, if you're in Berkshire then something like a tennis club?

And i agree with you about the baggage thing - I chat to a few guys on a dating website and they know that I don't want anything and neither do they, it's just a kind of nice chatty thing. However, if a guy contacts me and they have kids then they are blasted out - I don't want them and I don't want to have to deal with anyone else's! For sure we all have baggage, but please don't introduce yourself as Fred's father!

Sorry on a ramble there! OP, enjoy being single, if you get fed up then read the threads on this site about others ranting about their partners and children, then pour yourself a glass of wine and enjoy your peace and tranquility.

ellay864

alyth wrote: »

, if you get fed up then read the threads on this site about others ranting about their partners and children, then pour yourself a glass of wine and enjoy your peace and tranquility.

Bloody hell, she'll be here for days reading them...and I'm sure one or two of them will be mine :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Kimitatsu

To be honest if I met someone in their 40's who didnt have baggage I think I would be wondering what they are hiding! Lets face it if you have got to 40 without being married and/or in a long term relationship then what was wrong with you?

I would be looking for the skeleton in the closet (possibly literally as well as metaphorically :eek:) For me it wouldn't be IF they had baggage but how they dealt with it? If it is a case that they are crying into their beer and text their ex daily then to me they have not got over it yet, but if its a case that they need to speak to them because of the kids then at least give them a second date to see what happens.

It sounds to me like you expect to meet the man of your dreams over a drink fall in love at first sight and them live happily ever after. Unfortunately that rarely happens, people are just human, we all have our foibles and when you love someone you love them because of their faults not in spite of them. My DH and I have been together for 10 years and he came with a train load of baggage, and although there are days when I could cheerfully bury him under the patio (if we had one) I wouldn't really change him for the world.
Having said that, if anything were to happen to him I dont think I would ever get married again either.

One last thought for you, had you thought that you may be scaring some men off because you have no baggage are obviously dedicated to your job, and have no apparent vulnerabilities or weaknesses? Many men have been brought up (rightly or wrongly) to be a provider and to look after others, but from the brief description you have put there then you seem settled by yourself, able to support yourself, without the need for anyone else. You need a "hook" to get someone interested, so talk about your hobbies, books you have read, places you would like to go, favourite films etc etc and lose the descriptors - your perfect man may be 50 and 6ft 2 but you have already discounted them.

Good luck

PicnicBasket_2

I was single for a few years after the end of a long marriage. Wasn't too bothered one way or another, but did rather think my days of being in a couple were probably over - I'm a bit fussy about absolute honesty, integrity and decency and I'm nothing great to look at - I'm a bit of a sturdy old boot without gravity or youth on her side. And whilst I don't really like kids to be described as 'baggage' I have my three packages although they're pretty well grown and independent now.

I stumbled upon a peach of a man quite a bit younger than me (we are talking double figures and believe me, I never imagined being with a younger bloke was for me). This was 2 years ago. He is my total and absolute love monster and for some weird and incomprehesible reason, I appear to be his ultimate smooch-goddess. His 'baggage' is a delightful child, living with his pleasant ex, a child who is a great pleasure to spend time with and saves me from having to feel guilty about being too ancient to bear forth offspring again. But if I had been a little younger and wanted another child, he would have been willing and a brilliant dad - as he already is.

Blimey girl, if I can do it, I'm sure you can.

Incapuppy

I hope I'm wrong but something about the first post doesn't seem quite right to me..