It's STILL tough and not getting better - so how are we coping?

v8monkeyboy

Thank you to everyone who replied.

OH Is away with the army, and so it's lads' nights out the money has gone on. It doesn't help that his best friend is a 'daddy's boy' whose father tops up his money so he doesn't have to work.

I've just had a b******ing over the phone for asking him to stop it now (spending), as he shouldn't have to account for his actions and he feels like a gypsy when he's out with the others. He never asks me to justify my spending becuase he trusts me so why can't I do the same?

The thing is, I don't spend a lot - I went out last night for a SSAFA meeting where I'll get my transport back, and spent £1.95! I'm so angry right now, I am crying.

He's staying with my best friend tonight before he goes onto his next course, so she might be able to talk some sense into him. You honestly wouldn't think we'd been together for 17 years and married for 10 would you?

Tracy x

spike7451

v8monkeyboy wrote: »

Thank you to everyone who replied.

OH Is away with the army, and so it's lads' nights out the money has gone on. It doesn't help that his best friend is a 'daddy's boy' whose father tops up his money so he doesn't have to work.

I've just had a b******ing over the phone for asking him to stop it now (spending), as he shouldn't have to account for his actions and he feels like a gypsy when he's out with the others. He never asks me to justify my spending becuase he trusts me so why can't I do the same?

The thing is, I don't spend a lot - I went out last night for a SSAFA meeting where I'll get my transport back, and spent £1.95! I'm so angry right now, I am crying.

He's staying with my best friend tonight before he goes onto his next course, so she might be able to talk some sense into him. You honestly wouldn't think we'd been together for 17 years and married for 10 would you?

Tracy x

If things are that tight,it might be worth having a word with the local Hive.I'm sure they can help you with your dilemma & give you advice.
In my day,you could get thrown out for being in debt so if you're friends with one of his collegues,say a Sgt he respects,I'd ask him to have a quiet word with your dh as it may be more easily understood coming from the Sgt as to your financial position,dh probably thinks your nagging & making a mountain from a molehill.
Does that make sense?...

Charis

mardatha wrote: »

It's what is inside your head that matters in life - not what's outside your window

Unless it's someone throwing stones :mad:


- says someone who lost a greenhouse earlier this year to 'kiddies' from the HA properties at the back of us who think it funny to smash things up. They didn't find it funny when the police caught them at it again a couple of weeks ago, but I did.

Charis

lilac_lady

One thing is apparent - it's easier to budget on your own with a singleton's money than budget on a couple's money when your OH won't co-operate in cutting spending.

Good luck to all who have to persuade others to become MSE-like.

taplady

v8monkeyboy - (((hugs))) dont know what to suggest really but at least here you can have a good rant and get it off your chest among people who understand what its like. x

ceridwen

lilac_lady wrote: »

One thing is apparent - it's easier to budget on your own with a singleton's money than budget on a couple's money when your OH won't co-operate in cutting spending.

Good luck to all who have to persuade others to become MSE-like.

...which is just as well - as singletons have an average £5,000pa less after bills than "marrieds/coupled ups" according to that newspaper article in the week (and that sounds a pretty accurate assessment to me....):(:rotfl:

...but I would hate to be married to someone who was busily trying to throw MY money away...instead of thinking "Gosh - I DO have rather a lot in savings now:D - not bad ..not bad at all for someone on such a low salary - and single...".It took a L...O...N...G time to get in that position though.....

...but..yep...good luck indeed to those with a recalcitrant O.H. - who WILL not see sense re budgeting...

northwest1965

gailey wrote: »

I forced him to go foraging with me nothing better than free food, look round your way surprising whats about.

.

Tell us more gailey:)

365days

Neck much better today which is a relief.

Have 2 loaves rising and a satsuma drizzle cake cooling (didn't have any lemons). Unfortuanely I tried to hoof it out of the tin too early (impatient type that I am) and it has now fallen apart (ah well will taste the same)

I can't imagine how frustrating it must be to have a 'spending' partner would absolutely do my head in. At least my debt is mine and my money is mine.

Had a day at home today just generally pottering around, DS is soooo tired and seems to be finally giving in and having a lazy day telly watching, and helping me bake.

Dog needs a good run so off to the woods this evening-will take a bag just in case the blackberries are ready-seems really early but seen in mentioned somewhere on here that people are picking so we shall see.

A No spend day so far which should stay that way.

I have a re -newed determination to tighten my belt and make more sensible money decisions. Need to cancel my mobile contract which has just ended and go to PAYG. I doubt I would pay more than £5 a month...I hardly use it.

v8monkeyboy

Thank you again to all who replied to my slightly hysterical last post. I've had a sleep and while still very angry am not as upset.

The thing is, he is usually very good about everything, and comes with me foraging for wild fruits and nuts etc. as he does love that way of life. I can even send him shopping with a list and he'll stick to it!

It's just the last month or so has been quite bad, in, as I say him leaving his job, then not getting onto a full-time contract with the army which he was expecting. We had to spend so much money getting him ready for that course (including buying another car :eek:), and that, coupled with him getting a minimum amount of money in, has resulted in us having to bite into our safety net.

On top of that, I'm STILL waiting to get my transport costs for my last placement back from uni - my placement was March to May, and cost me 100s in fuel. The lady who processes the payments didn't send off my form until the end of last month, and it takes another 6 weeks for the money to be paid. I'm waiting for £450, which on a bursary of £560 per month makes a LOT of difference!

I think it just all got on top of me, and when I'm trying to spend £30 per week on food for both of us, and he then takes twice that for drinking - well.

We'll see how it goes - he's promised me he'll ask my friend's husband if there's any work on the river, as he can work a month in hand which others can't, and failing that, he's promised to start eBaying as soon as he gets home.

So, I'm sorry for my long post and earlier rant, and thank you all for being there to listen and care. On a lighter note, my mum put fuel in the car today as thank you for all the running round I've done for her and dad.

T x

taplady

v8monkeyboy - am glad you're feeling a bit better x

we've had some bad news. DS1 has had the sack from his job.:(I dont know any details as he's not home till morning - think he's drowning his sorrows. Hope he can get something else as he's got a car to run(expensive insurance) and an overdraft as well as a few bills from when he had his own flat. He gave it up a month ago and moved hom thangoodness he did as thats onew less worry.
So now we've got our 2 sons at home jobless.
At least we're both working but just when we were looking forward to having a bit more cash it seems we'll be porpping up both lads.