It's STILL tough and not getting better - so how are we coping?

katiegizmo

adelight wrote: »

My Dad and most of our colleagues are facing redundancy with massively reduced redundancy packages, and I finally understand why he is so frugal. He's the only one who doesn't have a mortgage and some of his friends admit they will have their homes repossessed, but our family will be okay as he's prepared for sudden things like this. I complained when I was younger that our house was small, in a bad area, far from my friends etc but now I'm so grateful because we will actually have a home still unlike some people!

My dad was also made redundant last year (actually twice within a month, only my dad could manage that!) and got nor redundancy as the boss did a runner and there were too many creditors. He was only at the second one 3 weeks so nothing from that either. I was so glad my parents had paid off their mortgage - it was a hard enough time without that worry. I remember one of his colleagues had an £1800 a month mortgage and the thought of that situation put such a fear in me it really made me more frugal with money. Not that I was extravagent before, but you can always find ways to improve.

now my DH is out of work, I'm glad again my parents taught me to how to make things last and save the pennies, and glad for the wake up call last year seeing my parents go through it. Probably the most valuable thing you can learn, frugality. Not that it's not hard now, and I have nightmares about our situation, but it could be a lot lot worse.

anyway I'm happy tonight as I made my first homemade pizza and it was scrummy!! never buying shop pizzas again now :rotfl:

maryb

When we were first married we had our own accounts and put a set amount each month into a joint account for bills etc. DH kept thinking he could pay for things out of the joint account that the joint 'ought to cover' so there was often a shortfall which I ended up subbing. For an intelligent man it took him a long time to realise that this meant I was effectively bearing 100% of the cost of the extras. I ended up explaining this to him in a few well chosen words. He mended his ways after that and doesn't use the joint account except with permission (it helps he can never remember his PIN and I'm not going to help him!).

Ceridwen what you said really struck a cord. I remember reading somewhere years ago that most of what we spend, after the essentials are covered, is to compete, console or conform. In other words we need to buy clothes for work that conform to the norm of acceptable which we might not need otherwise or we buy stuff to cheer ourselves up for the fact we have to work. I've managed to avoid a fair bit of the 'compete' spending in the sense of designer clothes etc but when you think about competing in its widest sense I probably do spend a lot on this as I want to give my girls every educational advantage. I have found that really helps me to understand my (tortured) relationship with money. Conforming is often necessary and competing may be necessary when it is about something important like education, but it's completely unecessary when it comes to the ephemeral stuff. As for consoling - well I try to resist but if I can't then I don't beat myself up too much, I just climb back on the waggon

Sequeena

Hi guys bit of a random question but I hope someone can help.

I doing a waggy walk in october to raise money for dogs trust. I'm wondering if it's ok for me to put the link to my fund raising page in my signature in case anyone wants to sponsor me? I know some forums don't like it... but I'm not exactly advertising

boultdj

Sequeena wrote: »

Hi guys bit of a random question but I hope someone can help.

I doing a waggy walk in october to raise money for dogs trust. I'm wondering if it's ok for me to put the link to my fund raising page in my signature in case anyone wants to sponsor me? I know some forums don't like it... but I'm not exactly advertising

Only thing I can think of to find out if the link is allowed is PM one of the Board Guide's and ask.

taplady

thanks everyone for your kind words. DS1 was made redundant a couple of years ago too and ended up with depression before he found this last job which he's been in for almost a year. He's drowning his sorrows atm.
DS2 has just finished a 2 year college course(just 18) and that was a struggle for him (autistic tendencies)so uni out of the question.
He's off on holiday next week( a freebie with a friends family) and then he needs to decide just what he is doing with his life.

At least DS1 has a roof over his head and no mortgage etc to worry about so compared to some he isn't too badly off but we're worried about how he will cope with it again.
There are just no jobs in our area at all.

Sequeena

boultdj wrote: »

Only thing I can think of to find out if the link is allowed is PM one of the Board Guide's and ask.

Thank you Is there a list of board guides somewhere?

JayJay14

Try Penelope Penguin, she's usually arround somewhere.

Taplady - hugs to DS1 and to you too as you'll be the emotional support and will need it. Hope he gets something soon.

Sequeena

JayJay14 wrote: »

Try Penelope Penguin, she's usually arround somewhere.

Taplady - hugs to DS1 and to you too as you'll be the emotional support and will need it. Hope he gets something soon.

Thank you!

boultdj

Sequeena wrote: »

Thank you Is there a list of board guides somewhere?

I see JayJay has told you Pen,the other 2 are Pinkwing and Zippychick,and the only reason I know is because there is a list, on the main foram page's that give the link's go to the bottom below the page no's and the BG's name's are on the right hand side underneth the no's.

ceridwen

maryb wrote: »

When we were first married we had our own accounts and put a set amount each month into a joint account for bills etc. DH kept thinking he could pay for things out of the joint account that the joint 'ought to cover' so there was often a shortfall which I ended up subbing. For an intelligent man it took him a long time to realise that this meant I was effectively bearing 100% of the cost of the extras. I ended up explaining this to him in a few well chosen words. He mended his ways after that and doesn't use the joint account except with permission (it helps he can never remember his PIN and I'm not going to help him!).

Ceridwen what you said really struck a cord. I remember reading somewhere years ago that most of what we spend, after the essentials are covered, is to compete, console or conform. In other words we need to buy clothes for work that conform to the norm of acceptable which we might not need otherwise or we buy stuff to cheer ourselves up for the fact we have to work. I've managed to avoid a fair bit of the 'compete' spending in the sense of designer clothes etc but when you think about competing in its widest sense I probably do spend a lot on this as I want to give my girls every educational advantage. I have found that really helps me to understand my (tortured) relationship with money. Conforming is often necessary and competing may be necessary when it is about something important like education, but it's completely unecessary when it comes to the ephemeral stuff. As for consoling - well I try to resist but if I can't then I don't beat myself up too much, I just climb back on the waggon

That phrase sounds a pretty good summing-up of the situation - ie that a lot of what we spend is to "compete, console or conform":T. I have no problems these days with spending to "conform" - I simply can't be bothered. I don't think:think: any money is spent "competing". I'm still working on not spending money on "consoling" and trying to work out non-financial ways of "consoling" myself at those times when one resonates with the phrase "Life's a !!!!! and then you die":cool:. All suggestions still welcome on how to deal with the "I gotta console myself for......" moments......:)