It's STILL tough and not getting better - so how are we coping?

ceridwen

silvercharming wrote: »

I've had the same kind of thing when people have found out that I spent time in care. There is a general assumption, even if people aren't even aware that they're making it, that a teenager who is in care must deserve to be, on some level or another. I've been asked 'what did you do to end up in care?' on so many occasions, usually by people who should know better. As a job-hunting teenager I was openly refused jobs because I was in care. I was sacked from a job once because a new manager started and he said he couldn't risk having 'someone like me' around the tills. Even now if I tell someone I used to be I get comments like 'well you don't seem like someone from care" like you can tell, as if any of those people have met loads of people from care who are all druggies and hookers and thieves. And in sixth form when I was applying for uni one of my teacher told me not to bother applying to his old uni as they wouldn't let people like me in. Then said that only a handful of kids from care made it through university each year and what on earth made me think that I could be one of them?

So I do know what it's like to be judged on the basis of where you come from. But I also know that if you work hard to build the life and the future that you want, and not the one that society says you're destined for, then you can be proud of who you are and where you come from every single day of your life

Well - from what I can see Silver Charming - you've "got dealt a bad card" to start with - but gone on to get yourself together with a decent life and a good attitude towards life. If people are going to judge - then why don't they judge your parents - not YOU. You can't help the fact that you were put in care - you were still young. It's what you have done with your life since that counts..and you're doing okay from what I can tell..:T

ceridwen

mardatha wrote: »

Brownhandbag that's actually very true. My son says council housing has to be built to set standards of room size etc, and private housing does not... which is very silly, all houses should be built to the same standards.
And my daughter lives on a farm which has been rented from a local Lord since the 12th century.. so he got good value for his investment eh LOL !
Re retirement - I think a person in heavy manual work should actually be allowed to retire at a younger age than one with an office job . Imagine trying to run up & down scaffolding at the age of 65/68 ?? Thats bloody inhumane and should be stopped . This goes on much longer we will be worse off than the Victorians !

I understand what you are saying on this Mardatha. The thing I am concerned about is that people who made their choice of job many years ago might find themselves being told to retire later than someone else just because of the type of job they do.

I'm not saying a retirement differential couldnt be introduced ever - BUT it would have to be only for those young enough to swop careers - thus giving those who chose manual work initially and those who chose "middling" type jobs initially sufficient time to spend most of their worklife knowing that their retirement age had been influenced by the type of work they do.

ie Any differential retirement age would ONLY apply to say people under 35. I would say that most people over 35 are now "set" as to the type of job they do and should not be expected to swop type of job thereafter unless they WISH to. Or - were you only saying that those in "professional" type jobs (eg doctor, accountant, solicitor, etc) would be expected to work for longer just because of the type of job they chose - and accepting that those in "middling" type jobs would have the same retirement age as manual workers?

After all - those in "professional" type jobs are in a better financial position to "buy themselves out" from work earlier than the rest of us - and often actually like their jobs (unlike most of the rest of us...:().

lauren_1

I stumbled across http://www.marthastewart.com/food earlier today looking for a pickled zucchini recipe. some nice budget meals and some new ideas.

Going to try sloppy joes tomorrow

http://www.marthastewart.com/photogallery/budget-friendly-recipes , theres 24 really good things to try there.

Gigervamp

ceridwen wrote: »

Thanks for that...errr....would you believe I never learned how to cut and paste?:) - so I'll leave your post up if you don't mind:)

Being able to cut and paste is very handy, here's a video how to do it. Hope it helps.

mardatha

Yes I did think that too. People like doctors might actually have some job satisfaction and want to stay on later. But I can't see that a poor old sod of a brickie with rheumatism & bad knees would ever want to climb up & down scaffolding past the age of 65, and I do think its scandalous making them do it. By the time a manual worker retires they will be completely worn out physically .

RAS

silvercharming wrote: »

I Even now if I tell someone I used to be I get comments like 'well you don't seem like someone from care" like you can tell, as if any of those people have met loads of people from care who are all druggies and hookers and thieves.

I moved from a small rural community where everyone mixed; at school when the youngest son of the local good time girl fell asleep in class we were told to leave him as he would have been up late the night before and would study better later if he had a sleep now, to a very large council estate near London.

Some of the schools were rough; local teachers used to walk to the station in a posse from one near home but most folk were fine. I recall my class mates sorting out an older student who spread malicious rumours about the virtue of another class mate.

The headteacher at the posh girl's school where we moved next refused to allow us in because of our accents until she was forced and loathed us.

Yet I discovered that her "nice" girls were smoking dope at break on day 1. We became masters at dealing with and covering up for girls who had been using other substances and were high as kites in class or had just crashed. When the head was expressing her concern to parents about girls smoking baccy by the canal, someone picked up on a group of eleven 6th formers planning home made abortions. They had booze, drugs and mattresses on the top floor of the sixth form block.

My observation was that well-heeled parent supervised their kids less, did more socialising at home or outside, so spent less time engaged with their kids and the extra money the kids had was spent on activities and substances that the kids from the council estate could not afford.

Today I encounter the methadone mob discussing their treatment on the bus and their speech ranges from very poor to eloquent, local to posh.

I find equally terrifying the benefit chick loudly discussing her Depo injection and the 15 year old plum clutching the vodka cocktail bottle and telling everyone about the first person to whom she gave head. We all knew where she lived, how she walked home and that her parents were out until 3am and would not check on her before going to bed. Neither seem to have the first clue how to keep themselves safe.

SC

Long admired your sensible posts. I wish that our society had served you rather better in your youth.

Is it any wonder that some kids fall through the net and end up in trouble. Having said that I know a very well "brought-up" 17 year old who would not last five minutes in your situation and struggles to complete college with full parental backing.



Ultimately, however two things strike me; one that some people seem to be more resilient that others faced with adversity and two that we should never write off anyone just because of their past experience or life.

ceridwen

mardatha wrote: »

Yes I did think that too. People like doctors might actually have some job satisfaction and want to stay on later. But I can't see that a poor old sod of a brickie with rheumatism & bad knees would ever want to climb up & down scaffolding past the age of 65, and I do think its scandalous making them do it. By the time a manual worker retires they will be completely worn out physically .

Still not quite sure from this whether "middling" job workers would "qualify" for earliest level retirement. "Middling" type jobs arent what they were either these days (they are far from the "soft" option they used to be these days)....and DWP workers would find their day at work was a "whole new ballgame" if I reached retirement age and had been told I had to stay on longer and I was lined up with an appointment with them that day;).

Personally - as soon as I reach retirement age thats it - finito - celebrate and if I had to lie through my back teeth and state that I was actually unemployed and claim JSA - then so be it...I'd be in there with an up-to-date copy of the Welfare Rights Handbook and what reason an employer had given for failing me at job interview THIS time....:D

I believe in honesty and integrity - but I admit any attempt to push me into working past retirement age would be met with utter disdain - and every tactic I could think of to fight back...:D:rotfl:

I DO have to state there may well be many other "contrary *******s" in my agegroup that would be equally determined that we weren't working on just because of the type of job we chose decades ago....

Goes off with visions of DWP staff being paid "danger money" to come to work if they had to handle many of us.......is that what they mean by "handle with kidgloves"?:rotfl:

365days

It would appear that this Summer Holiday can only get better. After yesterdays's freezer fiasco today someone drove into the back of me. Damage isn't too bad but neck is hurting (Was looking right when he hit)Ds who was in the car with me is shook up but fine. Hassle I could do without. Just waiting for the next thing to come along. Things coming in 3's and all that.

I had planned to finish off some decorating,have a major clearout etc etc but will have to wait to see if neck sorts itself out.

Payday today with some extra hours added that I did a while back. Sensibly stashed that away for upcoming car tax, insurance and the C word.

On a positive note green beans from the garden where delicious in my curry!

Aril

I've decided that I'm going to teach the small person to cook some basic recipes during the holidays on my few days off. He's used to home cooked food but I'm also hoping to show him a bit about budgeting when I take him to the supermarket to buy the bits aswell as show him that good food can be made with cheaper ingredients. Thought I might borrow one of the Cas Clarke books to get us started and hopefully by the end of the holiday he'll have a repertoire of a weeks worth of main meals. We kick off with pasta milanese this week:D and it should keep him out of mischief whilst he's not at school and top up his life skills!
Aril

Gigervamp

Oh 365, you have my sympathy. I hope there's no lasting damage to you or your son from the shunt.

Glad that there was something positive in your day though.