It's STILL tough and not getting better - so how are we coping?

Larumbelle

kezlou wrote: »

I get this regularly from a woman who i am friends with, but because she knows i came from a rough area. I once gave her directions and route in which only locals would know.She regularly says comments like "you can tell she's a from council estate" and quite frankly it annoys me and it has ruined a few new friendships i had made when she proceeded to call the people who lived (used) there criminals etc

I've had the same kind of thing when people have found out that I spent time in care. There is a general assumption, even if people aren't even aware that they're making it, that a teenager who is in care must deserve to be, on some level or another. I've been asked 'what did you do to end up in care?' on so many occasions, usually by people who should know better. As a job-hunting teenager I was openly refused jobs because I was in care. I was sacked from a job once because a new manager started and he said he couldn't risk having 'someone like me' around the tills. Even now if I tell someone I used to be I get comments like 'well you don't seem like someone from care" like you can tell, as if any of those people have met loads of people from care who are all druggies and hookers and thieves. And in sixth form when I was applying for uni one of my teacher told me not to bother applying to his old uni as they wouldn't let people like me in. Then said that only a handful of kids from care made it through university each year and what on earth made me think that I could be one of them?

So I do know what it's like to be judged on the basis of where you come from. But I also know that if you work hard to build the life and the future that you want, and not the one that society says you're destined for, then you can be proud of who you are and where you come from every single day of your life

seabright

Am feeling quite chuffed with myself this morning - where I work we have a tradition that on your birthday you buy cakes for all the employees (there are about 35 of us). So, last night I made 3 different batches of muffins and the only thing I needed to buy was a bag of plain flour, everything else was already in the store cupboard.

So, happy colleagues at tea-time this morning, happy bank account as I spent just over a pound and happy cupboards as I was able to use up some ingredients which had been sitting around for a bit.

jackieglasgow

mardatha wrote: »

It's what is inside your head that matters in life - not what's outside your window

Fantastic Mardatha, can I steal that for my siggy, please? X

HoneyBee83

Ooo just found this thread,posted on one of the 'its tough now' threads but cant remember which...:o

Things are tough for us and set to get tougher!
Long story short: Its me,DD and two cats.
I was made redundant last Nov and really panicked as i was in a lot of debt.Luckly my good friend had a position available in his company-had his own plumbing business with another friend and they wanted a receptionist,i got to work from home doing all the office bits and bobs.
Fitted in really well with DD and the pay was great.

Here comes the embarrassing bit...i've been on here posting about how we live comfortably and how i manage to save a good sum each month etc etc and now i've been informed that the company need to let me go!!! Things are tough for them too.So im being made redundant again It'll be from end of Aug. I've cleared my debt so that wont be hanging over my head but :(:(:( im going to have to survive on benefits for a little while i think!! Will start job-hunting asap but im in panic mode again.

Expect to see a lot from me in the future,my tight belt is set to get tighter!!

Bitsy_Beans

silvercharming wrote: »

I've had the same kind of thing when people have found out that I spent time in care. There is a general assumption, even if people aren't even aware that they're making it, that a teenager who is in care must deserve to be, on some level or another. I've been asked 'what did you do to end up in care?' on so many occasions, usually by people who should know better. As a job-hunting teenager I was openly refused jobs because I was in care. I was sacked from a job once because a new manager started and he said he couldn't risk having 'someone like me' around the tills. Even now if I tell someone I used to be I get comments like 'well you don't seem like someone from care" like you can tell, as if any of those people have met loads of people from care who are all druggies and hookers and thieves. And in sixth form when I was applying for uni one of my teacher told me not to bother applying to his old uni as they wouldn't let people like me in. Then said that only a handful of kids from care made it through university each year and what on earth made me think that I could be one of them?

So I do know what it's like to be judged on the basis of where you come from. But I also know that if you work hard to build the life and the future that you want, and not the one that society says you're destined for, then you can be proud of who you are and where you come from every single day of your life

Me too. But mine is on the flip side. I grew up in what is considered to be an affluent area and boy people didn't half look down their nose at me because they assumed I was posh and rich just because of where I lived. Didn't matter that we lived in a house rent free because it came with my dad's job or the fact that due to said house being a perk my dad earnt a pittance and we scraped by on very little.

It's just a shame that people don't take the time to judge you on what you say or do rather than whether you lived.

mardatha

Brownhandbag that's actually very true. My son says council housing has to be built to set standards of room size etc, and private housing does not... which is very silly, all houses should be built to the same standards.
And my daughter lives on a farm which has been rented from a local Lord since the 12th century.. so he got good value for his investment eh LOL !
Re retirement - I think a person in heavy manual work should actually be allowed to retire at a younger age than one with an office job . Imagine trying to run up & down scaffolding at the age of 65/68 ?? Thats bloody inhumane and should be stopped . This goes on much longer we will be worse off than the Victorians !

Bitsy_Beans

brownhandbag wrote: »

Re the rental debate,

I have always rented and think one it is a huge problem in this country that people think they must buy. When I am told 'renting is dead money' I wanna scream!

My background is farming and many farmers rent their whole farms for generations. I have lived in some fabulous places which would not have been possible without renting. We all have to live somewhere and it will cost regardless. People don't seem to understand that the bank owns their house until the very last penny is paid off.

If you can rent off family (as we do now) then that's even better cause our hard earned cash goes back into the family pot.
Simple choice to me, I do not want to be brick rich and cash poor in my old age.

ps.
Council houses usually have the best gardens and much larger rooms than dolls house new builds. They also don't tend to fall down at the first gust of autumn winds

Isn't there a slight difference between being a tenant farmer and working the land to raise an income than renting a house or a flat that earns you no income though?
I want to own my home - how on earth will I be able to afford to pay rent out of my pension when in all likelihood it will be worth even less than it is now? At least buy buying you end up with property you own and that has some value to it. Given the price of some rents it's cheaper to have a mortgage - at least at the end of the mortgage you end up with the property. That is why people say renting is dead money because you pay out for the cost but don't end up owning anything at the end of it.

jackieglasgow

Lots of people on this thread today with lots of nice sensible and sometimes profound things to say.

I live in a small council estate which used to have a terrible reputation. Its actually pretty nice now, they have taken all of the problem housing down, sold off the land to developers, who built them some nice new HA houses, and then built four times as many homes for sale. The cheapest of which is about £140K, and the dearest being about £260K, which is a good to high price for houses in the town. There are lots of fancy executive type housing all around us too, some of which sold for £400K +, so we are kind of in the black hole in the middle. But people can be so snotty about it. I remember last year trying to explain to my son's friend's gran how to find us to bring him for a party, and she was all "Oh you don't live near that dreadful (council estate), I just laughed and said, no we live IN (that dreadful council estate) you should have seen her face! :rotfl: She was pretty shocked when she came and saw my nice wee house and garden, I felt very smug to have dented her preconceptions!

brownhandbag

Fair points Bitsy Beans, I suppose my point is that we can all make choices about it and it doesn't make anyone a lesser person by choosing to rent. It is possible that a rental will give you a better standard of living/quality of life. When you are aged and own your house what's then to stop you selling and using the monies for a nice rental in a better area? I worry about the elderly with their own homes (which still cost a bomb to run/maintain) struggling to eat/live.
It's funny how renting an allotment is acceptable and not 'dead money'. I think dead money is what you leave behind when you are dead
Interesting debating on here as always, love it!

Larumbelle

brownhandbag wrote: »

It's funny how renting an allotment is acceptable and not 'dead money'. I think dead money is what you leave behind when you are dead

Yep, bang on! Rent money is not 'dead money'. It's money that is spent to fulfil a vital need, it gives you shelter and keeps a roof over your head! You might as well argue that money spent on food or water or energy or any of the other essentials of life is 'dead money', after it's spent you have nothing to show for it and someone else is making a fortune off your basic needs... except it's not 'dead money' really as the things it buys you keeps you very much alive!

Bitsy Beans, I do agree when you say that nobody deserves to be judged on the basis of where they come from. Ironically I think a lot of my problems stemmed from the fact that it was a very middle class, very insular kind of place, and a lot of people there didn't like to admit that problems like me happen in places like that.

In my experience there is just as much inverted snobbery around as the other kind.