It's STILL tough and not getting better - so how are we coping?

gailey_2

Hi guys

sorry been awol few days been busy with family plus lots to digest this week with announcements and news.

firstly went out last nite 1st time in gaes wit mate to event called cooking live in centre of bristol to see celeb chef gino as hubby got free tickets through electrolux promotion in work, they one of the sponsers.

Each ticket was worth 30quid so was quite chufeed, we had fun, learnt few things and got some freebies.

Not sure if anyone fan of spendaholics they still show old episodes on really channel.
Dont know if anyone remembers the blonde student caroline at uni , rich boyfreind in london, liked to write and was insanly jealous of sister/rich parents.
Anyway spotted her thourght about saying hello , you cleared your debt yet but programme must be least 6years old now!

Was fairly cheap nite out. went to spoons .
told mate about baby as she thourght i was just getting fat.

today was scan day suppost to be 10-12week dating scan went alone whilst hubby had kids. Its healthy single baby not twins and im actaully 14weeks along.
Just need to pluck up courage to tell mam on weeked she wont be pleased.

so much news this week had to wait a while for bus so brought trashy mag closer with annoying article on mother of 5never worked, plastic surgury, everyone had designer clothes, forgeign holidays amde me mad, think its on one of papers today as was mentioned on wright stuff too its situations like that thay maybe cap on amount no more than average wage is needed?

child benefit toug one in priciple I agree.
however is 44k too low?
also the anomoly seems unfair.
But then I thourght in reality


how many single parents earn over 44k.
how many couples would ean 2 salaries of 40k its more likly one parent may earn say 43 and mum has part time job or fulltime job maybe 25k or under and then maybe had bad childcare costs.

I do think they need to look at fuel allowance, bus passes and tv licences for wealthy pensioners as not all pensioners poor and vunerable.

Dicovered will just miss useless health in preg grant 190 as being scrapped in jan not april.

Hubby still looking for better paid job told him dont let cb effect his chance getting higher wage just because of cb we will make up shortfall somehow.
we opnly having a3rd as know finacially we can manage 3kids without taking much from state.

I guess the problem lies in large families where they are dependant on benefits then kids may feel the pinch but from what i gather low income will still get cb and tax credits.

Havent seen all camerons speech will watch tommorow as recorded.

Anyway getting late off to bed quite enjoyed apprentice being on tonight.

Uni loved it was experience although wish I had picked different subject would love mine to go if they wanted it and few colleges and other higher education qualifications to be equally valued.

anguk

kezlou wrote: »

I just would prefer both of my children to attend university, if they decided not to, then i will have to accept it, after all its they lives not mine.

But one condition of the house is that they go to college at the age of 16. No matter what even if they work part time they still have to attend college. Education is important to me.

I am the only person in my huge family inc grandparents, aunties etc who will actively sit down and read a book. Its very depressing, while both of my children are avid readers.

Its not about intelligence, for me it shows independence and meeting new people. Like i said previously i expect BOTH of the children to stay in student halls AWAY from home. I expect them to move away and not just locally. Of course i'll be bawling my eyes out when this happens, but i think its important. No doubt i'll have my OH taking the phone off me and say "will you stop torturing the poor lad and let him go to the pub".

I went to uni late and i had a terrible experience, lack of funding and still didn't get to finish. So i expect the boys to start early and enjoy they lives to the fullest they possibly can.

But you don't have to go to university to do that? My eldest always said he wanted to go to university but 4 months into 6th form he decided it wasn't for him. I couldn't force him to stay on and do his A levels even though, like you, education is very important to me so I agreed he could leave on the understanding he got a job first. He was already working part-time, within 2 weeks of deciding to leave 6th form he had a full-time job.

I agree that going to university gives you independence and you meet new people but then so can working. My son left home at 18 to house-share and at 19 went to live and work abroad, he is very independent and has friends from all different backgrounds, cultures, countries etc. He has a job he loves in his chosen profession, in a more senior position than people his own age who went to university to get a degree in that subject. And he doesn't have tens of thousands of pounds worth of student debts. He has continued to learn but he's done it through part-time evening courses.

My DD is completely different, she loves academia and fully intends to go to university, plus she does need a degree for the career she'd like.

University is a wonderful place but it's not the "be all and end all" and I think it's wrong to put pressure on kids so that it's expected of them, some are more suited to apprenticeships, training etc.

ceridwen

*Maya* wrote: »

You say you would NOT claim for child benefit if you had children but you WILL claim for heating allowance when its available. Since the child benefit is a hypothetical situation how do you know that you would not need it in the same way that you feel you will need the heating allowance. Its easy to make judgements on other peoples circumstances if they're irelevant to you.

One doesnt choose to get old - that just happens if one lives long enough. Now if I had chosen to get old on the other hand.....:rotfl: (or to make it even clearer - if I had chosen to get old rather than it being something that I know will happen to me anyway - then I would expect to cover the added expenses of doing so myself. Since I dont have much option BUT to get old then I see it differently). If having children was something that "just happened" (rather than being a choice for people - as it has been for some years) then I would agree with receiving financial help towards their costs - but they dont just happen basically....

(note to self time ceridwen = INTJs have to remember to communicate exactly WHY we think as we do - and not just think "That was the logical decision to come to - so of course people will understand it - even if they disagree").......slaps wrist for not explaining...



Hmmm...new phrase for the day "Getting old is life's default setting".:cool:

ceridwen

Well one of the (unstated) reasons that women in my generation went to University was to find a suitable husband - Universities were very good "marriage markets" back in those days.

I sometimes wonder if thats still a bit of the thinking behind sending children to University - ie to meet suitable marriage partners.

I rather thought that most people who still bother getting married/living together in a "marriage" sort of way waited till their 30s now anyway...but maybe theres still some sort of unspoken thinking to that effect.

I think one has to adjust ones thinking in the light of how Society is these days (I would wouldnt I - thats what INTJ personality types do:rotfl::D).

I know my father came from a poor background (poor not because of HIS fathers salary level - but because there were too many children for that salary level to cope with adequately) and he believed strongly that education was the route out of poverty - but isnt so sure these days. I believed strongly (if a bit too late:(:cool:) in education per se - but these days I think the "University experience"/value of a degree has been devalued so much that its simply not worth what it once was - hence I would urge a child who was brilliant at something very "marketable" and that many others couldnt do (like maths/sciences/etc) to go to University still - but would be looking for some good-quality vocational training for any other children (you should see what some plumbers earn.......:eek::D). I wouldnt feel the need to put a female child into a suitable "Marriage Market" setting like I used to (having changed my thinking to adapt to the times.....). My one concern about putting children into vocational training would be how I could steer them towards a job that WAS vocationally-based but WASNT one that carried a high risk of damaging their health at work (so - no they could NOT be a roofer for instance - plead with Mama as they might....:rotfl:).

I dont really know quite what IS the route of poverty these days - except that it certainly ISNT being a footballer or WAG as some young people seem to think.

mardatha

In this day & age I think kids should be given a huge dose of common sense at home, before any education outside it. How to manage money, how to be proud of who & what they are, how to not let others manipulate or belittle them. Because sure as fate, whether they go to uni or not, they will one day get made redundant or get stress at work. Working life is not secure at all anymore and there are high levels of stress. A solid firm family behind them combined with a strong sense of self-worth is half the battle.
And its stupid to say x% should or will go to uni. We are all individuals, not robots and we all do different things As long we have the capacity to be content that's the main thing!

[Deleted User]

mardatha wrote: »

In this day & age I think kids should be given a huge dose of common sense at home, before any education outside it. How to manage money, how to be proud of who & what they are, how to not let others manipulate or belittle them. Because sure as fate, whether they go to uni or not, they will one day get made redundant or get stress at work. Working life is not secure at all anymore and there are high levels of stress. A solid firm family behind them combined with a strong sense of self-worth is half the battle.
And its stupid to say x% should or will go to uni. We are all individuals, not robots and we all do different things As long we have the capacity to be content that's the main thing!

Excellent mardatha - This is exactly how I feel too:j

lovelife_3

mardatha wrote: »

In this day & age I think kids should be given a huge dose of common sense at home, before any education outside it. How to manage money, how to be proud of who & what they are, how to not let others manipulate or belittle them. Because sure as fate, whether they go to uni or not, they will one day get made redundant or get stress at work. Working life is not secure at all anymore and there are high levels of stress. A solid firm family behind them combined with a strong sense of self-worth is half the battle.
And its stupid to say x% should or will go to uni. We are all individuals, not robots and we all do different things As long we have the capacity to be content that's the main thing!

I love you Mardatha, what a wise woman you are:)

*Chattie*

ceridwen wrote: »

One doesnt choose to get old - that just happens if one lives long enough. Now if I had chosen to get old on the other hand.....:rotfl: (or to make it even clearer - if I had chosen to get old rather than it being something that I know will happen to me anyway - then I would expect to cover the added expenses of doing so myself. Since I dont have much option BUT to get old then I see it differently). If having children was something that "just happened" (rather than being a choice for people - as it has been for some years) then I would agree with receiving financial help towards their costs - but they dont just happen basically....

(note to self time ceridwen = INTJs have to remember to communicate exactly WHY we think as we do - and not just think "That was the logical decision to come to - so of course people will understand it - even if they disagree").......slaps wrist for not explaining...



Hmmm...new phrase for the day "Getting old is life's default setting".:cool:

one wonders what planet you live on where one went to university to find a husband and where one wouldnt allow one's offspring to become a roofer and one wonders even more what on earth all this has to do with os.

rachbc

ceridwen wrote: »

One doesnt choose to get old - that just happens if one lives long enough. Now if I had chosen to get old on the other hand.....:rotfl: (or to make it even clearer - if I had chosen to get old rather than it being something that I know will happen to me anyway - then I would expect to cover the added expenses of doing so myself. Since I dont have much option BUT to get old then I see it differently). If having children was something that "just happened" (rather than being a choice for people - as it has been for some years) then I would agree with receiving financial help towards their costs - but they dont just happen basically....

(note to self time ceridwen = INTJs have to remember to communicate exactly WHY we think as we do - and not just think "That was the logical decision to come to - so of course people will understand it - even if they disagree").......slaps wrist for not explaining...



Hmmm...new phrase for the day "Getting old is life's default setting".:cool:

Yes people do choose to have children - but children benefit society as whole not just their parents- which imho is one of the resasons parents recieve cb.

BB1984

Interesting to hear all the different views about uni. I def agree with you Mardatha, common sense is just as important (probably more so!) than any academic qualification. My DH comes into contact with lots of students as part of his job, and my mum lets a house to students, and they both say that students seem to be getting "younger" year on year. By that I mean no common sense, no life skills, completely molly-coddled etc. My mum routinely has them phoning up saying things like the lightbulb's blown and none of us know how to change it!!! :eek:

I'm at home today, I've got loads of studying to do for my prof exams and have reports to write etc, so I'm going to start taking odd days off here and there to crack on with it. Means I don't feel so pressured to work in the evenings, when I'm knackered! Went to the gym this morning so now I'm feeling energised and ready to get lots done

Got my step-dad/electrician coming round later to fix our house alarm. It was quite weird - DH was at home yesterday evening before I got home, and suddenly the alarm went off and wouldn't stop! Had to get SD round to fix it, and he couldn't, so ended up completely disconnecting the whole thing - I was so embarrassed about the racket! Hopefully he'll fix it later without making too much additional noise...!

Planning a nice beef chilli for tea tonight, got some really good mince from waitrose reduced to £1.95 for 500g, so that should make a good few meals.

Haha I can't remember if I told you but after my big shop at asda on saturday, I sorted out my kitchen cupboards, as well as my "secret stash" that I keep under the bed in the spare room. I found I had 22 tins of tomatoes, 10 tins of kidney beans and about 15 big bags of assorted flour! No idea I had that much, should last us a while

Right, must go, need to be productive today!

BB