It's STILL tough and not getting better - so how are we coping?

bluebag

narabanekeater wrote: »

This really has put us in a difficult position. Certainly no family holiday for us next year

Something of a hard choice, I must admit I think I would be just going to the ceremony and skip the rest of the very expensive stuff.
It's tough times for many right now so I'm sure you won't be the only one.

The little 'uns an OH would probably enjoy a holiday far more.

I want my hard earned to nuture my dreams and memories, not someone else's.

Hope you manage to sort something out.
bb

meanmarie

Narabanekeater....as others have said, turn up for the ceremony....scrubbed up but not in new outfits and skip the rest of the day....if I invite you to a meal I cannot expect you to pay for it!

Kitcaboodle

My attitude about weddings (including my own!) is that, it should be the marriage that is most important, not the 'big day'!

Too many people spend thousands, or even tens of thousands, on a 'dream' wedding that becomes a nightmare debt that they are still paying off long after the marriage breaks down.

For me the most important thing was to marry my husband. The second most important was to share that with our friends and close family. We did it all on a budget but many people commented on what a lovely, warm atmosphere it was & that made it a wonderful day for us.

-

Just used up a bag of new potatoes that I had in the cupboard. I washed and cut them into small segments, par-boiled them, strained the water off, tossed them in some oil and garlic puree with coarsely chopped onions and then roasted them in the oven. Took a while to brown but they crisped beautifully (eventually!) and were absolutely yummy! Well worth the wait.

Alison_Funnell

We were skint and I paid for our tiny wedding. 4 people plus us, £250 reg office, home made bouquet, got my outfit from an outlet centre for £50. Had a meal in a pub afterwards - no hassles, cosy, fun and no giant bills.

DD is nearly 21 and I have told her to do the same if she and her b/f marry. I'd rather have fun at McDs than go to a posh do anyday. They are lovely but no one ever seems to really let their hair down and have fun.

bluebag

I've told my daughters to grab a sarong and a pair of flipflops and get married on a warm beach.

Well, it beats boned bodices !!

stiltwalker

Kitcaboodle wrote: »

If anyone wants a laugh, I just stuck a burgandy fleece throw that I plan to use as fabric for a winter all-in-one for DS in with a batch of nappies to save on washing and I now have four terries, two pre-folds and a mesh bag in a lovely shade of pink!

My Mum did something similar when my younger brother and I were small, think he was about 3 or 4, she dyed all his white underpants a fetching shade of pink courtesty of a stray red sock and all he wanted to know was if she could do the same to his vests!

wagglessmells

before i go to bed i feel i must comment on this "pay for your own" wedding meal thingy!!! not on your nellie!!!!!!
if they are real friends they would know that financially you are unable to accommodate such expense!!!
new clothes, transportation, hotel stay, wedding gifts and then to pay for your meals!!!!
i have been to quite a few weddings of varying cost, bridesmaids have been asked to purchase their outfits and ushers/best man etc to hire their suits can be just about acceptable (although when would you ever wear a bridesmaid dress again?!?!?!?!?) but i have NEVER heard of such a thing as paying
for your food!!! if the wedding is on a shoestring then the food is typically buffet rather than sit-down.
true friends would have thought about this before they booked the day if they really wanted you there. if they have genuinely not realised
this might be a problem, when you go to them to tell them you are unable to attend and why, they should try their utmost to accommodate you
and come to some sort of compromise so that you can enjoy their day too!!!!!

hope it gets sorted and the outcome is satisfactory for all involved!!!!

alex x

ps my tomatoes have been ripening for a couple of weeks outside on my balcony!!!

EstherH

I think it's sad that people have moved away from the real reason of what a wedding is and made it into some sort of fantasy celeb style big day. As others have said, the simpler the wedding, the more people remember and enjoy it. Was there a similar post not long ago? I seem to remember saying that the more expensive the wedding the shorter the marriage lasts.

My husband and I didn't live together before we married - unheard of today - but it does make the wedding day special in that you stand together in front of family, friends and in our case God, and make a commitment to each other to love and cherish one another throughout the good times and the bad. You say we are now a couple starting a new life and the congregation are there to support you in that new life. My mum made my dress and bridesmaids dresses, the men wore normal suits, husband, dad and his dad bought their own new but ushers wore there own. We booked local social club and had sit down meal for immediate family, aunts and uncles and couple close friends and disco for wider group of friends and family in evening with buffet. The point I am making is that when a couple has already lived together, they aren't starting a new life but by having a big lavish wedding then going back to how they were before all they have are the memories of that day and the debt to go with it in many cases. Everything centres on the day, not the start of a new life together as has already been said. This is not meant to be judgemental in anyway. Everyone has to judge for themselves what is important to them, but as many posters have shown, a much simpler wedding day can be much more meaningful. And if you are not after making everything perfect, then you are going to be a lot more tolerant to those who can't afford to go along with your plans.

A question now about wedding presents - how much do you spend on the present? With lots of couples now asking for money, it's even harder to get away with a cheaper or more OS gift. What do you all do?

Hardup_Hester

On the subject of weddings, my DD got married for under £300 three years ago & it was a fantastic day, she wore a hired cocktail dress & the reception was at TGI Fridays, there were around 10 children there, people paid for their own food & drinks but were asked to do that instead of buying wedding gifts. The wedding cake was £10 from Costco. Everyone scrubbed up but didn't buy new clothes, in fact I wore the same outfit I'd worn for my other daughters wedding about 8 years earlier.
Premier Inns are offering a wedding for £199, not sure what it includes though.

suzybloo

I agree that you should look at going to the ceremony, and wish them well, but to ask you to pay out that amount is unfair. £150 for one meal alone could do your monthly shop, I am not being mean but when you have kids its such a lot of money that could be used in other ways. By the time you have drinks, clothing etc the cost may well be over £300, which like you say could be a holiday for your family, which will give you more pleasure and happier memories to cherish. Good luck on making your decision but dont feel guilty at whatever you choose.