It's STILL tough and not getting better - so how are we coping?

flowertotmum

hi to all...and really big hugs to all who need them today...and hello to all the new ladies...
Well we survived the big storm last night..it went on for about 2 hrs..tons of rain..my pond flooded..water butts over flowed..trees lost loads of leaves..it came out of no where..we were picking toms and apples and the sky just opened..then it started to thunder..it literally rattled our house..girls were ok...well one was...the other had a cry but i made it in to a game...and today its cold,wet,windy and i love it...got soup going and slow cooker full of chicken stew,so it smells delightful in my house...
Annie56..from my experience with so called friends..you are worth so much more...:A
got to go..take care all of you

pupsicola

downshifter wrote: »

Goodness, I'm glad I found this. I would have started panicking if I thought you were all chatting away without me! Hopefully this post will ensure I'm subscribed to this nice new thread.

One down side of being a downshifter, and basically not even being able to cope with that very well either, is social stuff. How do you all deal with invitations? I'm not the most sociable person anyway but in the next couple of weeks have been invited to a reunion of some really nice people I used to work with, they've even chosen a restaurant in my area to make it easier for me. But the petrol to get there as well as the price of the meal scares me. I'll be scouring the menu for the cheapest thing, then when they're all choosing lovely puds, I'll be saying, god no, that pasta really filled me up, I'll just have another glass of water...

The other is a charity day someone else is holding at her house, and I really don't want to go but she looked so disappointed when someone else we were with said they couldn't go so really I'll go to support my friend. But I will take a present, there will be a raffle and other things that will demand money, and the petrol there will be a massive amount. (You can tell I live in the country by how obsessed I am with petrol prices!!!)

Anyway, I'd rather be in debt a million times over than upset such kindly people, so will go and worry about the bills later. But how would you have dealt twith these sorts of situations?

DS

It does no harm to say "No" sometimes, its how you put it to someone. If I feel something will cost me more money than I can spare I tell people I already have other plans and hope the day is great for them. If you live far away its not like your mates can check up on you.

anguk

narabanekeater wrote: »

The postie has just brought a wedding invite to one of my friends weddings for us. I thought she was having a child free day which put us in a weird position as we have nobody to have our 2 children but they are named on the invite. The wedding and afterwards are at a posh local hotel and weve been asked to pay for all of our own food and drink. On top of this DS will need a new outfit as all he has is normal clothes for a 2 year old. I can borrow a dress for DD but myself and DH have lost a lot of weight so have nothing to wear either. When you add a gift to these costs were in trouble
She never mentioned the idea of everyone paying for themselves before. My 2 children will be the only 2 there so keeping them quiet is going to be hard.
These are 2 of my best mates as well getting wed.
Four meals in the day and then food at the night (I guess we could eat before we go) but again drinks at night in this posh hotel really is going to cost quite a bit
Ive already said we cannot go to the combined hen and stag do. Theyve hired caravans 350 miles away and want us to go for the week. Erm hello we have 2 children, she asked me to get a friend to look after them for a week (im not joking) I just know DD is going to be upset at not being asked to be bridesmaid as well. She was going to be a bridesmaid this year but the couple split up.
Oh dear OH will be cross

It may just be me but I find it very cheeky when couples expect their wedding guests to pay for food, every wedding I've been to the couple have only expected their guests to turn up and enjoy the day? Food has been provided along with the first drink and champagne for the toasts, any drinks after that the guests have paid for. It's ridiculous that we've got to the stage now where it can cost hundreds of pounds just to be a guest at a wedding.

It seems like couples now want swanky big weddings but then expect their guests to help pay for it! :eek: A hen and stag night used to be just that, a night, now they're often holidays away! I wonder how many couples start married life up to their eyes in debt because they've had a big, expensive wedding?

lambanana

narabanekeater I can't believe they expect you to pay for your own food, if they're choosing to have a wedding and invite people they should be paying. When we got married we paid for all the meals and chose a venue that fit within a budget so we could, OK so the evening "buffet" was just trays of sandwiches and fruit with wedding cake as that was a lot cheaper but we still paid for it. It's so expensive to go to weddings. One of my friends at work has been to so many this year that she can't afford a holiday with her partner as they've been all over the country and she's been going to hen dos and her partner to stag dos. It's just madness.

gailey_2

Blimey it takes me ages to catch up if I take a break.

annie-ignore freinds who cant accept you for who you are

lovelife-welcome

loved hughs meat programme last night.

been busy here but poorly

got chest infection so on antibiotics.
baby insists on 6am waking
eldest keeps getting emotional every time I drop her off at school.

Have been brave and joined the pta committee the oter day at daughters primary bit daunting as most of them know each other but going to be there for next 18years best make effort.
Need to get better at baking for monthly cake sale.
Took the baby to toddlers today first time in ages as clashes with nap.
shes very clingy but seemed to enjoy wandering round, even tried to cuddle few babies which was sweet she must be tired she went down for nap without a fight!

Had awful day yesterday as got totally soaked our coats wet through so had to use different ones today and daughter whinged all way to school and we were late and its been threatening more rain all morning very gloomy and cold.

suppost to be taking eldest to cheerleading problem is its 45min walk each way or bus and weather looks really bad but have paid up and shes looking foward to it.
She normally gets a lift.

proud of myself yesterday managed to cook a roast without being sick.
do miss coffee, eating lots and hoping in few weeks time will improve.

mil wanted fil old car gone had to fork out 73quid for new battery!Hubby was like how much in halfords!

Had probs insuring it with dl but cant transfer no claims bonus so they wanted usual 450 a year for main car bmw and 250quid for the nissan micra,
Lv wanted 650 for the micra more than the bmw which is mad.
Was in total despair and then shock admiral multi car came back with 410 a year for both cars! Cheaper than 1 car, dad says play around by dividing the milage and increasing the excess.

Hubbys plan is smarten up bmw as want to sell or part exchange for reliable people carrier.
However in meantime hes decided to use micra for 5days work 62miles a day saving him possible 30quid a week in petrol not sure if hes being optimistic there.
Will be funny to see im in small car and no power steering.
wish i could afford to past my test but will cost hundreds dont have right now plus micra wont be big enough for 3kids baffled how so many families in out street afford to run the 2/3cars in their driveways.

I do miss miss my vespa on sunny days but got to grow up some time, love scooters so cheap to run.

hubbys looking into claiming tax back for travel which might be good.
still not heard about when 2nd job intereiw will be.

Tommrow morning wnat to attned nct sale in bath then go down bristol city centre to meet mate a gok wans doing fashiion show, best make myself look presentable .Got to take both kids as hubbys orking but they happy if they get marks sandwich and small treat down town hoping wont be too pricey.

we underspent on food so far as hardly been shopping so do need to go soon.
we were doing bigger shops but now trying to do little and often apart from large heavy stuff.

right off for lunch got cold chicken from last nites dinner I picked off carcass
15basic stuffing mix and crusty baguette getting peckish thinking about it.
Got reduced drumsticks tonight might do with cajun sauce .

Forgot to say got really mad last nite over 2things on tv.

1 think was c4 news wheats being driven up higher as commodities dealers trying to make quick buck and make profits by stockpiling the suplly selfishness of few could cause real poverty for others its sick and shouldent be allowed.

2 Omg question time some people did my head in on there, think vince had tough audience in liverpool with 60percent of jobs in public sector and lots of students he was never going to win really just way labour pretend they better when they caused the mess in 1st place.

Im starting to feel more socialist than labour party right now and I voted tory!

kezlou

No i wouldn't, i'd just say your taking the pi$$. Guests pay for drinks and extra like snacks not meals. All the weddings we've been too the meals have been paid by the organisers. Cheeky gets.

Annie sounds like had a glad day out!

Well i did it, i've signed up to two courses, roll on Monday when i start. Also got a free cuppa while i was there;) courtesy of the staff, they offered.
Also went to a beginners jewellery making course with my last night, really enjoyed. OH said why don't you go, it'll be good for you to leave the house. He also apologised for being a twit on Wednesday.
Also on Monday i'm going to see about the dressmaking course so i might be doing that next week too. Certainly going to try and keep myself busy.

Its freezing here, gale force winds, constant rain and i have 5 get this 5 red tomatoes!!!:D:D:D:D

Right better get a shift on x

Primrose

downshifter - I think pupsicola is right and that sometimes you have to learn to say "No". And you can either invent and excuse or just simply be honest and say that at the moment your budget is a little stretched and you just have to prioritse on essentials. I personally think this is the best route because then you haven't backed yourself into a corner if people change plans to accommodate your conflicting dates, etc and then you have to tell another lie if you don't want to run yourself into debt. (I once claimed a clash of dates to get out of something I couldn't afford and was mortified when the individual emailed me back saying "Good News - we've changed the date so now you'll be able to come :eek:) Genuine people will understand that budgets are not unlimited especially in these economic times. I must confess, I don't approve of weddings where guests are invited and then told they have to pay for their meal. I think couples should trim their plans according to the money they have. I'd almost be tempted to say to them "I'm afraid can't afford to come and buy you a wedding gift as well, so would you prefer my presence or my present? "

narabanekeater

Gailey - The pta at our school is crying out for new members. Im sure they will make you very welcome and youll have valuables skills to share with them. I wish you lived near me not only to snap you up for our PTA but as weve similar ages children and 'ways' IYKWIM
Ive just had a called from another shocked friend its £45 for each adult so £90 and £30 for both children then plus drinks
This really has put us in a difficult position. Certainly no family holiday for us next year

maryb

We live just down the road from Queen Mary's Sidcup and both the DDs were born in the maternity unit there. It was a lovely unit and the care was fantastic. 20 years ago when DD1 was born they kept first time mums in for a week which really helped the nervous ones. DD1 was due on Christmas Day but arrived a week early so fortunately they let me out on Christmas Eve. With DD2 I was in and out in 24 hours because that's what I wanted. It's sad to see it closing even if it is temporary.

What the article didn't say is that the A&E was already only open part time. After 8 pm it's a minor injuries unit. That's not actually too bad because a lot of the things that you and I would not necessarily consider minor could be treated there - eg whn DD2 had a suspected broken wrist I took her to the MIU at another local hospital where they had x ray capability and we were in and out in under an hour (Because she didn't in fact have a fracture just a bad sprain). What it doesn't say is whether they are going to run it as a MIU all the time

There's also the fact that there's a new state of the art hospital at the Princess Royal in Farnborough less than 5 miles away. It's not good news and it will mean longer waits at the remaining A&E units but it would be a lot worse if it was a rural area

katholicos

narabanekeater wrote: »

The postie has just brought a wedding invite to one of my friends weddings for us. I thought she was having a child free day which put us in a weird position as we have nobody to have our 2 children but they are named on the invite. The wedding and afterwards are at a posh local hotel and weve been asked to pay for all of our own food and drink. On top of this DS will need a new outfit as all he has is normal clothes for a 2 year old. I can borrow a dress for DD but myself and DH have lost a lot of weight so have nothing to wear either. When you add a gift to these costs were in trouble
She never mentioned the idea of everyone paying for themselves before. My 2 children will be the only 2 there so keeping them quiet is going to be hard.
These are 2 of my best mates as well getting wed.
Four meals in the day and then food at the night (I guess we could eat before we go) but again drinks at night in this posh hotel really is going to cost quite a bit
Ive already said we cannot go to the combined hen and stag do. Theyve hired caravans 350 miles away and want us to go for the week. Erm hello we have 2 children, she asked me to get a friend to look after them for a week (im not joking) I just know DD is going to be upset at not being asked to be bridesmaid as well. She was going to be a bridesmaid this year but the couple split up.
Oh dear OH will be cross

I can appreciate that these are two of your best friends, but that being the case, i really don't think you should have to pay to attend their wedding celebrations. I think it's in poor taste (pardon the pun) to invite guests to eat, but state that all food and drink must be paid for by said guest.

Best buds or not my RSVP would state 'unable to attend due to unforseen circustances'...the unforseen circumstances would be that you have to pay for your own hospitality, when traditionally it is provided.

It costs enough to buy new outfits, shoes, buy wedding gifts, arrange transport, pay for drinks at the bar i the evening. For what you would pay for the meals and drinks for all your family you could probably have a weekend away or fill your food cupboards and freezer for a month.