It's STILL tough and not getting better - so how are we coping?

JulieGeorgiana

ceridwen wrote: »

Sorry to hear about your friend - and the delay in finding out.

Glad to hear you had a good time at the allotment - things DO look as if they are going very well there:T

Errrr.....<cough> ummm....<cough> might it just be a leetle thought to think "I'll barter with ex OH - I'll let him have "mutual agreement" as the grounds for divorce if he shuts up about the greenhouse/shed/etc and accepts I'm keeping them"? Just a thought - and you're obviously dying to grip him and his secretary "warmly by the throat" and thats well understandable. At a purely pragmatic level though - those solicitors will be clocking up the fees furiously if they possibly can - at YOUR expense...hence my suggestion of a little "bartering" of a sort - as that might keep the legal letters (cost!!!!) to a minimum.

Thats me - and I'm an arch-pragmatist to my core - so feel free to ignore me....:)

I ignored my ex-husband and his rantings for the first year... then the second year we started to talk (we have a son together), By the third year we got divorced for £620 (£340 were court fees) and we split the cost between us, and it took 14 weeks!

Time helps, and heals!

Craftyscholar

katholicos wrote: »

I've only ever used the mike for reheating and cooking jacket potatoes but i have seen the light ...and heard the ping...:rotfl:

Another guilty one
I have never been sure how much/little leccy the microwave uses compared to oven/hob.

JayJay14

Craftyscholar wrote: »

Another guilty one
I have never been sure how much/little leccy the microwave uses compared to oven/hob.

The best way to remember that the microwave heats the food and the oven heats the oven. Micros tend to be about 800watts of power while ovens are about 4 times that. Given that ovens take longer anyway then the amount of power - gas or electric - will be many times more and consequently many times more expensive.

Have just spent some time catching up, I have been really down lately, OH though has at last realised that he has been acting like a pr*t (his own words - I've actually had an appology off him) - he's been on a 7 month holiday (uneployment) and seemed to think the screaming banchee (me) was in the wrong when I pointed out that the cleaning was not neccessarily my job for when I came home from work:rotfl:and that what he had done at the gym that day was not my conversation of choice after a hard days graft. Trouble is he's in denial about the state of our finances and the prospect of losing the house. I scared him silly last week - I've been offered redundancy and I suggested I could take it and pay off all my debts with the money and then he could take over worrying about the bills.:D

Thanks for being there - I too find that this site is where I get most of my back up, I really have no friends I could talk to in the real world (I'd bore them to death) and I try not to offload on the kids as they have their own lives to sort out. Now OH seems to be more on board at last I feel much less stressed - I can get through it if I know I'm not trying to do so on my own.

Primrose

annie56 - you cannot possibly move to a new area. Just think of the look on the faces of your new allotment friends if you ask them to demolish your newly erected shed and greenhouse and cart it to a new venue in their wheelbarrows! :rotfl:

Primrose

To all of you who are going through difficult and worrying times at the moment, I send you my kind thoughts. The world does seem a very lonely place when you're struggling with anxieties and the rest of the world seem to be coping OK with their lives The reality is that most people are nursing some kind of secret fear about something, even if on the surface, their lives seem calm and contented. We can never regain a day once it has passed, so we have to try and enjoy the positive things in our lives when we have them. I like the "Five Positive Pleasures" thead on here. It's a reminder that there's always something good in our lives if we pause to reflect on the things which really count.

taplady

pink_numbers wrote: »

I mentioned before that OH may have to leave his work due to health reasons. Well, for now, we've decided to see how it goes, but just in case things get tough we're going to act like he doesn't have a job and save as much as we can where we can...

sounds very good... until now!! I've had a few days to think about this now, and suddenly have become very scared. We have my income, and we know on paper, we can do this, but saying it and doing it are two very different things, aren't they?

Pink - I wish you both well. I will be very interested to see how you get on as we are in a similar position. My DH has serious ongoing health problems but manages to keep on going bless him when many another would give up. The consultant has said he would have no hesitation in signing the forms for DH to go on long term sickness benefit but DH really doesn't want to do this. We do realise though that the time will eventually come.
Like you do I want us to be prepared so am aiming to try and save a good bit but as we have just got debt free I also want to have a holiday or two which DH can enjoy while he is still fit enough.

pink_numbers

taplady - I'm very sorry to hear about your OH's health, we are both very fortunate to have partners that are willing to work when others would just quite. Well done for getting debt free too! Please keep me updated on how you are coping, as I am sure it will help me also.

I do feel very fortunate that this situation change is not a sudden one (like being made redundent) and OH is able to make a decision in his own time. I'm also relieved that I bring in enough to cover the very basic costs, thanks to all the OS things I've learned from this board!

Craftyscholar

JayJay14 wrote: »

The best way to remember that the microwave heats the food and the oven heats the oven. Micros tend to be about 800watts of power while ovens are about 4 times that. Given that ovens take longer anyway then the amount of power - gas or electric - will be many times more and consequently many times more expensive.

Doh!:rotfl:
I did think after I posted that there was probably a good reason why the oven needs a special heavy duty cable while the micro just plugs in to an ordinary socket.

JayJay14 wrote: »

Thanks for being there - I too find that this site is where I get most of my back up, I really have no friends I could talk to in the real world (I'd bore them to death) and I try not to offload on the kids as they have their own lives to sort out. Now OH seems to be more on board at last I feel much less stressed - I can get through it if I know I'm not trying to do so on my own.

I am regularly amazed and heartened by the support given on this site.

However I do agree with Primrose. It took me a long time to realise that the people I envied for their ability to sail through life were actually just very good at presenting a front to the world.
On here we are more willing to let our guard down and be honest with each other.

Annie56

Morning

I had brill nights sleep and woke up optimistic, have rung the solicitors and told them to just get the divorce into the courts and to arrange a meeting to sort out the financials, there was a lot of huffing and puffing and mutterings re what about your share of his pension etc, told em to just get on with it or we would do it ourselves through the court, so tommorow night hopefully OH and I might be able to sit in the mediation office and sort this out.

That done then the phone goes again its the exOH in a very sober tone apologising for the way he told me of my friends passing away ( there is a decent human bieng in there somewhere)and then he dropped his bombshell, the floozie is pregnant:( and hes overjoyed,so I said congratulations and said well we can hurry this divorce through if you like:D.

Problem is we have been trying for children for over 20 years during our marriage and the medical downside was OH couldnt produce the sperm and was declared infertile, at the last test just over 12 months ago the result was the same:eek::eek: do I believe in an act of god that somehow the problems resolved or the glaringly obvious one:o:othat blondies been up to no good, well Im keeping quiet the dreaded mother in law will soon suss blondie out then all hell will start, this is one time Im deffo keeping my sweet lips shut, hes his own man let him deal with it. Just to clarify all my parts are working and in good nick I just hope it is his, even though I could throttle him I understand his excitement of bieng a dad, just have a cautionary note in my head where its staying hes old enough and intelligent enough to come to his own conclusions if there is any.

Primrose Im not moving it was more in reference to finding a job, Id be run of the allotment after all the hard work the folks put in to help me get established.

So today Im getting all my legal bits together, sorting out some of the boxes I have to unpack, checking on the comparison sites that Im getting the best leccie deal am with Npower at the moment, and then have to get on the phone and get my TV Licence direct debits set up, cant afford a fine thats number one on the list and then get Water Rates on DD and sort out some contents insurance then Im all done.

Ceridwen thanks for your supportive post, exOH and his lady friend can just get on with it, I mentioned that fighting over assetts meant less for his cash pot, he says he knows so I shall barter the greenhouse and the shed for something as suggested and now its all down to getting a divorce and my day of independance, cant wait right had bette rget off and do this to do list.

Will catch up with you all laters.

Have a good frugal day all

Annie 56

lambanana

This thread moves so quickly I can't catch up on what I missed over the weekend whilst with the family for the funeral. It went as well as these things can and now I'm pretty exhausted from all the travelling around for it. Fortunately I only have two weeks of work and then I've got a week off for a little holiday for DH and I. I really can't wait, I need the break so much!

I need to work out what we'll be spending food wise between now and then, I've got two portions of mince in the freezer which I cooked yesterday whilst making a lasagne so that's two meals (probably a spag bol and a chilli) and there is a packet of sausages in the fridge. It's veg box day tomorrow and I just need to work out what else I need to feed us between now and our hols. Also I get paid on Thursday and it can't come soon enough!