It's STILL tough and not getting better - so how are we coping?

AnnieG

Annie56, your life reads like a tv programme! I'm full of admiration for you, you just keep on going. Many people would collapse at the thought of Ex OH and floozie having a baby together, even if they hadn't been trying themselves for years... you're fabulous!
I am going to find some of the grit that kept me going through a tough time a few years ago, and soldier on. I felt sorry for myself all weekend, but it's time for the fighting spirit now. So I'm off to bake some fairy cakes for ds to snack on later, and then do my meal plan for the week and pop to Mr S. Once I've got all my jobs done, I can treat myself to a cup of tea and starting a new book.
Onwards and upwards!!!

grandma247

AnnieG wrote: »

Hello
he has these enourmous tantrums, punches me and kicks me and makes my life a living hell. I just don't know what to do with him, how to make him understand that I can't just buy him what he wants. In the last week he's demanded a Nintendo Wii, a new bike, games for his ipod, another guinea pig.... sigh.
Sorry, I only popped in to say hello but ended up offloading. I'm fonding life very difficult right now, and don't have anyone I can speak to about it.

I haven't read all the posts but wanted to reply anyway. Sorry if others have already said this.

DO NOT PUT UP WITH THIS. Contact your local nspcc they have people who can help you or at least they used to have when my friend had trouble with her boy. Social services were hopeless but the nspcc arranged for respite weekends and family counseling.

flowertotmum

purpleheather2810 wrote: »

Afternoon everyone. Had a breakthrough re stocking up cupboards - managed to get hubby, who hates DIY and never does any, to put some extra shelves in the cupboards! Result! So now, rather than having a load of dead space in our food cupboards we can properly fill them. V pleased. Used up another marrow today in a big pot of soup. This evening I am going to find out about Partylite (this is a party plan selling candles) - the products are nice, I don't want to get really into it but it would be a nice bit of pocket money/debt repayment money. I'm finding it hard to make any money from my language tuition work and having a bit of a crisis about what I want to do with my life (!!) In fact, as time goes by, the more I feel I should be there for my children, do justice to running the household and making a home Old Style, helping out at school and with PTA, and ENJOYING my kids before they get too big. Spent almost every day this week crying about it and feeling like a failure.

hi..hope you don't mind me replying..but you are not a failure...you are a mum and every mum is a hero in my eyes..i too went through this some yrs ago..when at the age of 37 i found out i was unexpectedly expecting..my youngest then was 11 and my eldest was 19 with 2 more at 18 and 16..so i was shocked to say the least...i always worried that somehow because i never worked that my girls and son were missing out on things..but that was it ..it was things i was worried about..when i spoke to them they all said it was comforting to have mum there,clean house,clothes and meals ready..sounds boring but i totally love it and still do...so i had my little girl almost 5 yrs ago and got ino the swing of being mum again..then i had another surprise at 40 and gave birth to another girl...lots of my ex friends said i was mental and found it boring but i found it wonderful and it gave me a focus with my life...i'm not saying you should have a baby to get focus...but being a mum is brilliant...crikey sometimes i wished i did work just to get away from the disney channel and nick jr...i enjoyed being a mum first time around and did the school bit and christmas plays and all that it was great..being involved in your childs life is good..its gets you out and meet new people and get new interests...and i can't wait to do it again..its lovely and i hope you go for it...i am suffering myself coz my little girl started school last wk...i miss her..i sat around waiting for hometime...but i have pulled myself out of it and me and my littlest girl are cracking on and having a great time..just us 2..then 3 when fern comes homes...i have waffled a bit haven't i ..but your not alone in this ..lots of us go through it..you need to find a focus and go for it...
take care

JulieGeorgiana

Annie56 wrote: »

...he dropped his bombshell, the floozie is pregnant:( and hes overjoyed,so I said congratulations and said well we can hurry this divorce through if you like:D.

You should be proud of yourself for how you handled that one!!!

My husband and I have been trying since February, we know I have so many health problems I may not be able to have more Children...

In June we actually conceived, and 5 weeks later we lost it. With my ex Husband my son was the 2nd of 4 pregnancies!

We are still trying, but with no luck yet...!

It's a killer subject, and it hurts to talk about it... so ((hugs)) to you for handling it so well!

Just remember, it's okay if you feel sad, upset or just want to cry! I know I HATED people telling me 'at least you have you son' 'at least you know you CAN fall pregnant'

I just wanted to scream that i'd lost my baby and I want to cry about it! Just let me cry! And I did... and after 2 weeks for dark depression... I lost my job.... and I snapped out of it!

My point was... it's okay if you're not 100% okay with it... it's okay to be sad! It's okay to be angry... after that... you move on and you live xxx

maryb

Annie56
Please don't be too hasty about your share of your husband's pension - if you supported him through building that business you have earned your share of that. Do get an up to date forecast of what your own pension will be so that you can work out what you need to ensure you have a comfortable old age. If you've worked for the NHS you should be able to work out that bit of it fairly easily if it's a final salary arrangement and if you go onto the directgov website and find the penisons service, you can get an online pensions forecast for the state pension and when it will be paid.

You can be sure he will know how much his pension pot is worth if he was the controlling type when it comes to money and you can be equally sure he won't volunteer the information

Kitcaboodle

Julie, you have my sympathies on your loss, I hope you succeed in getting a healthy full term pregnancy soon. It really sucks when people don't understand. Well done on your weight loss - it's very impressive!

Annie - I don't think I'd believe that his floozy had miraculously got pregnant by him either - but hey, he's the fool! I agree that you shouldn't just write off any claim to what you're entitled to though, after all, why should money that you may need when you're older, that you helped to accumulate, go to support a kid that probably isn't even his!

--

I have started tracking calories again on Livestrong's The Daily Plate. It worked for me when I lost weight for our wedding & now I'm at a post-baby high of 11st 9lb with 2-3 stone to lose, it seems like a good idea.

I don't plan on restricting my calories too much as I'm still breastfeeding. I just want to keep an eye on what I'm eating so I can make some more sensible choices. Having a small baby that screams whenever you try and cook or eat a proper meal, means you survive a lot on crisps and chocolate and other fattening snacks that you can grab while nursing.

I don't diet as such, I just eat less when I try and lose weight and try and spread the bad stuff out across the week, so I don't eat too many high-calorie/fat bad treats all on the same day. If I track my calories I can make sure I'm still consuming enough after breastfeeding & exercise to produce enough milk. I aim to eat enough to theoretically maintain my weight for a week & see if I lose weight. Then I can reduce what I consume from there as required.

I was going to wait a couple of months until he started solids before I attempted to lose any weight but I feel so decrepit! My knees and back ache all the time, so do my feet & it's a real struggle to get up from the floor with him when we go to the Stay and Play sessions. I think that, for the sake of my joints, I need to start losing weight faster than he gains it!

pink_numbers

There must be something about today that is making us talk about babies. You guys all have my sympathy. I feel bad because while people are trying to get pregnant, I've had to ensure that I don't get pregnant, because I know I would never be able to cope with a child (several mental and health issues that would just make it totally unfair to the child). But my biological clock has suddenly started to tick, and it's hard trying to align the two together. One one side, you've got your hormones raging, and on the other side, you KNOW it's just not a wise thing to do.

*sigh*

pink_numbers

Annie56 - I can't believe how well you are dealing your situation, you are one amazing lady!

JulieGeorgiana

pink_numbers wrote: »

There must be something about today that is making us talk about babies. You guys all have my sympathy. I feel bad because while people are trying to get pregnant, I've had to ensure that I don't get pregnant, because I know I would never be able to cope with a child (several mental and health issues that would just make it totally unfair to the child). But my biological clock has suddenly started to tick, and it's hard trying to align the two together. One one side, you've got your hormones raging, and on the other side, you KNOW it's just not a wise thing to do.

*sigh*

Nothing is ever sensible about having children... but they make your life so full!! My son is everything... my health issues left me unable to walk for months when he was born, and again for 2 years 2007 - 2009 (I admit I could walk a few meters here and there)....

But we have a closer bond because of the time I was able to just spend with him, talking and cuddling!!

*sigh* no wonder I want more!

pink_numbers

JulieGeorgiana wrote: »

Nothing is ever sensible about having children... but they make your life so full!! My son is everything... my health issues left me unable to walk for months when he was born, and again for 2 years 2007 - 2009 (I admit I could walk a few meters here and there)....

But we have a closer bond because of the time I was able to just spend with him, talking and cuddling!!

*sigh* no wonder I want more!

of course, and please don't take my comment as "people with problems shouldn't have kids", I'm absolutely not saying that and I admire those people that do have children despite their difficulties.

However, I just know that having children isn't for me and OH. It's not even that we don't like children (we do), but we know it's not a sensible option for us. Doesn't make the choice any easier though.