It's STILL tough and not getting better - so how are we coping?

gailey_2

greent wrote: »

Phew! Finally caught up with the thread! Am de-lurking - occasionally read bits of the last one (usually BMF's posts, for some reason!) but don't think I ever posted.



MY husband was made redundant twice last year within 7 months. The first time he went straight into a full time 'permanent' role - more basic salary but no company car, further away so more fuel costs, no 'benefits' such as health insurance etc. MAssive overspend and he was made redundant - found out about it 2 days after we bought a brand new car (my old car was 11 years old and the cost of repairs to get it back on the road were at least twice it's value - so we went for a car under the scrappage scheme - never had a new car before but used some of the previous redundancy money) Thankfully he had a couple of month's notice. Could find nothing. Had to claim contrib JSA for 13 weeks (all we were allowed for a family of 6 - and that was taxable, because we hadn't blown all the redundancy (actually kept some for a tax bill) He is a senior HR manager and the job centre had literally nothing in for him ever. He did apply for lower paid jobs (lots), but they wouldn't even interview him - the reason being that they said he would leave as soon as he had a better offer.

The job centre were most unhelpful. It wasn't until OH mentioned that he had an interview in London (where most of his interviews are) and the train fare was over £100 that they said that he could claim travel allowance for interviews - it was just a chance remark on his part that led to this - thankfully, as he had about 9 interviews in London - and that would have cost us £1000!! They looked at his CV and everything and just weren't very nice. Yes, we live in a nice house and have 2 cars, 4 children etc - but the chap had been made redundant twice in a short period, with all that that entails (and actually has a history of severe clinical depression)

Argh - enough of my moaning!! Anyway, OH is now self employed and currently working 300 miles away for the next 3 months. That leaves me, DD (12), DS1 (10), DS2 (4) and DS3 (14months) here

I have a reasonable stock of food here and whoopsie shop a lot. We grow some veggies and get things like hedgerow apples and blackberries. I'm plannig on Xmas presents including a lot of HM chutnies and soap (like mardatha I used to have a soap business - except mine was the cold process/ lye method)

4 children isn't cheap (not complaining - my choice) - but things get handed down from DS1 - DS2 - DS3. With DD (my first) I wouldn't have anything 2nd hand (although I wasn't a label snob or anything - supermarket and primark were where her clothes came from!). It's changed now - she has some clothes from friends daughters (although we recycle as much as we keep) and DS1-3 have clothes from friends, too. I've bought toys etc at NCT sales and ebay (I don't *do* carboots - not from snobbery, but from the sheer hassle factor of coping with them and 4 children and that many people - it harrasses me too much!!)

DS3 is still b/fed but I use disposables with him. I did use reusables with DS2 - but freegled them , not expecting to have another child:o I'm not a fan of expensive cleaning products - I'll happily make laundry gloop and use vinegar, bicarb etc for cleaning - from an environmental and personal health point as much as £.

I've been ebaying recently with a vengeance - and using the money to make OPs on the mortgage. I'm lucky in that I can use the money for this rather than need it to live, I know. The mortgage is our only debt and I'd love to reduce it as much as possible - it would mean less stress for OH (has 'man= provider' mentality, bless him!)

We have tightened our belts considerably - our income has dropped lots, so we've had to. Outwardly it probably doesn't look like it. However, we both come from poor backgrounds, so know how to cope (although I've had to educate OH more) We use c/b sites, have changed energy suppliers, shop around for insurances etc. We've also never been part of the 'must have this' crowd, nor ones for spending lots going out (even pre children)

Ooh - I've written heaps - sorry! There was more, but I think I've said enough:o Sorry for the length of the post!

Sounds like you having hard time, must be hard by yourself.
You doing really well though .

I sometimes think if someones had a good job particuarly a skilled or well paid job plus qualifications its sometimes harder as they ficus on helping people who never worked, long term unemployed or no qualifications.

I have applied for jobs before either not been truly flexible as have kids or overqualified.

I went to job centre few months back first time in years as laways been in employement pre kids.
I knew they modernised things a bit with computers ect.
I was waiting in queue to see an advisor to enquire about few vacancies.

The security guard asked if im in right place I was like im looking for ajob and waiting he laughed and said job centres just for people on social I needed to pursue job through internet which defeated object me going job centre in 1st place.

Hubby dident get job today so gutted. He was sure he did well , lots of effort, experience hes messaged back to ask for feedback.
Hes got another intervewi next month but not much out there luckily hes got a job but we need to replace our crap car and have other bills so gutted.

Brought 1xmas present in sale today.

Hope everyone else has had better day.

Hippeechiq

Hello and welcome greent :wave: - lovely post

Aw Gailey sorry to hear that. Hang in there hun :grouphug:

northwest1965 wrote: »

I will probably be told right here but even though it says 98% pork, it just means it come from the pig, doesnt have to be good meat.

I realise that northwest, but at least it isn't sawdust or rusk

kezlou wrote: »

on the sausage front has anyone tried the rachel organic sausages. They're normally on offer in asda 3 packs for £6, all the sausages are between 86 - 99% meat. Its not that i'm snobby i just prefer to buy meat filled sausages and freeze them, so i know what's in them.

Not heard of them - but then I always shop online, so only see what I'm searching for to put in my trolley so to speak. Be interested to know if anyone has tried them though.

ceridwen wrote: »

...ceridwen tiptoes VERY quietly off....before she gets in too much trouble for "peering through computer screens" ....:rotfl:

Well...now you've admitted that you're quad-legal Mardatha....we'll have to get us collective thinking caps on....:D

We've got a while yet if she's waiting "till the torrential, heavy, soaking, cold, horrible, rain has gone off" :rotfl:

mardatha

......furiously knitting a skull bandana....

Hippeechiq

mardatha wrote: »

......furiously knitting a skull bandana....

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

ginnyknit

mardatha wrote: »

......furiously knitting a skull bandana....

I just found out that Mothercare has biker boots for toddlers, just need a tiny chain for Dgs's dummy and we are set he can be a mascot for my friends Hells Angels chapter

So we are entering a double dip recession - is that a made up thing? Dh has to see the Dhss doctor on Thursday to prove he isnt fit for work, he is already sinking into depression. Last night he was so stressed he told me he had changed his morphine patch and hadn't so we had a long long night. For some reason he has also lost his voice and after a fall last week now cannot lift his left (good side) arm and winces with pain every time he moves it. Of course Im sure theres a job out there for someone in constant pain, 8 types of medication who sleeps only 3 hours a night and needs his carer - me- at his side 24/7, oh and cannot move his wheelchair himself at the moment. Maybe Prime minister? or head of the benefits department.

katholicos

Today was strange for me.

My 15 yr old son who moved out last year decided to tell me he didn't want to see me again. He has zero respect for me and talks down to me and i'm not putting up with it anymore, when i asked him to stop it when he was really bad tempered with me and rude for picking him up just 18 minutes late earlier today, he said he didn't want to see me anymore and got out the car.

On the plus side, tonight i made blackberry and apple jam using foraged fruit. If anyone is interested they can see a video i made of some of the fruit that was foraged yesterday

Click Link.

Hippeechiq

ginnyknit wrote: »

Dh has to see the Dhss doctor on Thursday to prove he isnt fit for work, he is already sinking into depression. Last night he was so stressed he told me he had changed his morphine patch and hadn't so we had a long long night. For some reason he has also lost his voice and after a fall last week now cannot lift his left (good side) arm and winces with pain every time he moves it. Of course Im sure theres a job out there for someone in constant pain, 8 types of medication who sleeps only 3 hours a night and needs his carer - me- at his side 24/7, oh and cannot move his wheelchair himself at the moment. Maybe Prime minister? or head of the benefits department.

I hear you ginny.........I'll nominate Cameron for the job - let him see what it's really like to care for someone 24/7. To have your life turned upside down by an illness or disability.

Never knowing if the afternoon will be better than the morning, never mind tomorrow or next week.
Never being able to plan anything, always being on tenterhooks. Never being able to relax for any length of time,
Never having a break...

His approach to genuinely ill people, and people with mental illness in particular is outrageous.

He's a bigot - and personally, I think he'd like to get all the ill and poor people in one place, and nuke us all, as he evidently has no understanding or tolerance of those he clearly sees as lesser beings :mad:

Anyway, I know how stressful these assessments can be, and how low it can take the person undergoing them, so I will be thinking of you Thursday ginny, you can be sure of it, and I hope it goes smoothly for you both hun :grouphug:

lauren_1

my son found a rogue permanent marker today

Will have to repaint the whole house thanks to his little artistic escapades.

*exhales

Charis

katholicos wrote: »

Today was strange for me.

My 15 yr old son who moved out last year decided to tell me he didn't want to see me again. He has zero respect for me and talks down to me and i'm not putting up with it anymore, when i asked him to stop it when he was really bad tempered with me and rude for picking him up just 18 minutes late earlier today, he said he didn't want to see me anymore and got out the car.

It's tough isn't it, to let go, when a teenager is so hurtful. I had the same thing when my middle son was fifteen. I still remember him being really rude to me when he had broken his leg. Admittedly he was in pain but it only brought out what was really there in his thoughts. We are still distant, we live a long way apart and very different lives but I took heart when he invited me to be his Facebook friend the other evening. It took time, he's 32 this autumn. The important thing is that your son can see that he can't destroy your self respect, Katholicos. A year or two from now he might be more reasonable.

ceridwen

lauren_1 wrote: »

my son found a rogue permanent marker today

Will have to repaint the whole house thanks to his little artistic escapades.

*exhales

eerrrr....how many months worth of pocketmoney will that little escapade cost him - to pay you back for the paint? Is he old enough to be receiving pocketmoney or still a baby?

On a different tack - Cameron has got a heavily disabled child himself (now no longer with us...) - so he must have some "insider knowledge" of what its like to be in a carer situation...in fairness I thought I ought to point this out...