Ladies & Gentlemen, please fasten your seatbelts ...

Keeping_Motivated

BB why are you letting ex see DS when he is not paying? I am sure I would have to say to him that if he can't foot the bill for his son then he shouldn't have the pleasure...these kids don't come cheap...

benbenandme

I keep thinking that too KM, but it seems wrong to make ds suffer He does love going there, albeit to see the dogs , but I am finding it harder and harder to let him go there tbh. I wonder if part of it is that he isn't paying as revenge for me being a witness? I don't know, although I can't see it will do him any favours with the judge?? If he ever went for more custody it would go hugely against me if I had stopped him seeing him. I don't know, I will see what the csa say tomorrow (they said the case worker will call me tomorrow), and maybe after that begin to have a rethink? Opinions please!! I know its wrong to stop him, but it is getting very tempting now ...

Keeping_Motivated

Maybe just threaten it...I mean just say if you don't start getting some money then you will start thinking about cutting contact as DS needs financial support and he's not looking after him and taking his responsibilites seriously and you have been patient ENOUGH already. Maybe the threat will be enough for him to start complying with the CSA?

pinkladyof66

benbenandme wrote: »

I keep thinking that too KM, but it seems wrong to make ds suffer He does love going there, albeit to see the dogs , but I am finding it harder and harder to let him go there tbh. I wonder if part of it is that he isn't paying as revenge for me being a witness? I don't know, although I can't see it will do him any favours with the judge?? If he ever went for more custody it would go hugely against me if I had stopped him seeing him. I don't know, I will see what the csa say tomorrow (they said the case worker will call me tomorrow), and maybe after that begin to have a rethink? Opinions please!! I know its wrong to stop him, but it is getting very tempting now ...

My sister was in the same situation as you ben ben, her ex never paid her for her two, he has gone on to have 3 more children with another woman, and the children are now 16 and 18 (that is my sisters) the others are 7. 2 and 1, both still in full time education and he owes her 000,s, he is paying now not a lot but she never stopped the children going to visit him, now they are older they know and can see that there father never paid for them, and the eldest even has it out with his father, the girl does not really want to stay anymore she only goes to see her other half brothers and sisters, they know the situation they both say that they have a !!!!!! dad, so it doesnt go un noticed. My sister was thinking of stopping them going to their dads (he left when they were 6 and 8) so 10 years ago, but she worked it to her advantage in that she only allowed them to go when she had something planned so she used him for babysitting. I totally see where you are coming from but no doubt as your son gets older he will see through his father and have his own opinions.

benbenandme

However tempting it is, I need to stay on the moral high ground, the view from up here is great

pixiechick99

benbenandme wrote: »

However tempting it is, I need to stay on the moral high ground, the view from up here is great

I think you're doing the right thing to let ds see his dad...my ex has been pretty useless in the last few years - not paying me for a while too, when I knew full well he was working in a pub for his girlfriends bro....so no doubt cash work. But he just said he had nothing, had no income:mad: My sister kept telling me to stop the girls' visits, but they did enjoy seeing him and I wanted them to have a decent relationship with him. He does pay now...but not enough, I'm sure if I went to the CSA they'd say he should pay more, but I just can't be bothered to deal with them!

What pinklady said is right - they do start to see what he's like. Mine know he's pretty useless and doesn't help pay for school trips/clubs or clothes etc. They are also not always keen to go stay with him - they say it's boring...he does nothing with them, just stays at his mums:o He just has no idea and still thinks of them as the 2 little girls they were when he left 4 years ago:rotfl: If they have a better offer at weekends, they'd often rather do that!!

So, just remember you're doing the right thing - but nothing wrong with threatening to cut visits - I've done that:D:D

spendtoomuch

just reading about your dad BenBen. My grandad has Parkinsons and my nan who is 82 cares full time for him. It took years of nagging to make my nan accept some help and we left her with no choice in the end, she is just too proud. She has an hour in the morning to get him up, washed and dressed and an hour at night to wash him and get him to bed. Grandad has had parkinsons for over 20 years and is really bad now. My nan pays £2.06 a week towards the care!! Even now nan would rather do without it and there are days when they don't turn up and she is lifting him out of bed herself, its crazy what they will do. x

benbenandme

Morning all, mortgage payment gone out this morning, signature duly adjusted

hypno06

All heading in the right direction!!

Have a good day x

benbenandme

Another day, another phone call to the csa ... this time they had spoken to him :j and he has said he will send in some more details that they need to do his assessment (how moany details do they need??? :cool:), they also said he couldn't make a payment over the phone today as he had no means to do so on him, but he's said he'll call back tomorrow and do it then, hmm, won't hold my breath then :rotfl:

After school ds had an open classroom, where we could go in and see his work, so that was nice. I spoke to his teacher to see when his reading will be assessed next, got the normal bumph about 'oh we listen to them weeklly and move them on when they're ready' ... so I pointed out that according to his reading log that they sign he has only been listened to twice since Christmas :cool: Cue lots of mumbling from the teacher and me thinks ds may be listened to in the next week or so I don't like to be pushy, but he is getting fed up of the books they give him because they're too easy for him, he finishes them before we even get home in the car

After that we went to the park as the sun was out and I have done the third part of my first week of the couch potato programme (c25k), so thats the easy week done, next week it steps up to jogging for one minute / walking for 2 minutes for 20 minutes in total

Off out in a bit to ww, really not expecting to have lost anything at all this week, if anything I may have put on. Need to get more focussed and plan in advance what I'll be eating. Also got some matched bets on tonight, so will see what profit they make later