Has anyone's boyfriend ever fallen in love with other women?

myothercarisaferrari

so has he cheated on you? shameful if he has and shameful or you if you stay with him and allow him to do it.

poshcaz

hurt wrote: »

I'm sorry if this seems irrelevant to moneysaving, but I am so hurt and I don't know where to turn to for advice. My boyfriend believes it is possible to fall in love with many women and has told me that he loves others as well as me. I'm so hurt by this, but I find it hard to break up with him because I love him and I'd feel lost without him... but it kills me that he loves other people.

Has anyone experienced this before? Can you give me advice?

I'm so upset I am crying and I feel like vomiting.

thats what we have to put up with from the male species im afraid

jesting aside.... if its love hes giving to other woman what else is he giving them ?
i wouldnt want to catch anything if hes putting it around no mater how much i loved him... im worth more than that

get rid and get your self a one woman man:D

YOU ARE WORTH MORE

balletshoes

hurt wrote: »

I'm sorry if this seems irrelevant to moneysaving, but I am so hurt and I don't know where to turn to for advice. My boyfriend believes it is possible to fall in love with many women and has told me that he loves others as well as me. I'm so hurt by this, but I find it hard to break up with him because I love him and I'd feel lost without him... but it kills me that he loves other people.

Has anyone experienced this before? Can you give me advice?

I'm so upset I am crying and I feel like vomiting.

The only person your boyfriend loves is himself - you (and every other female on the planet) deserve much better than him and his skewed ideas on life. Get angry, and then dump him - sharpish.

gratefulforhelp_2

cattkitt wrote: »

He's trying to tell you that he wants to muck around, and that you should accept it.

Exactly.

DVardysShadow wrote: »

Bloke's view: What does not kill you will make you stronger. Staying with him, where the sauce for the gander is not palatable to the goose will kill you in terms of being the person you want to be and living the life you want to lead more surely than ending the relationship.

Good advice. OP it will be like ripping off a plaster. You will build a new life with friends and a man who has proper respect for you.

Unless you are happy with the arrangement...but it doesn't sound so.

DVardysShadow

onlyroz wrote: »

I was reading an article the other day that said we're not meant to be monogamous - it's only when we started to gather property that monogamy became common (because then people wanted to know which of the kids in the tribe were theirs, so that they knew who should inherit the property). Until then, everyone slept with everybody else, and all the kids were reared by the whole tribe. I doubt that helps you much though, in your current situation...

Some species of bird are monogamous and pair for life, others don't. It is something which keeps cropping up in different places in the evolutionary tree. For humans, the process of growing to maturity takes a significant proportion of the lifespan that monogamy is probably a more successful way of ensuring the success of the offspring.

hngrymummy

I've not come accross any evidence yet that proves unequivocally
were were not monogamous in prehistory. Yet there is evidence of enduring love and respect, including a neandthal burial with flowers, and evidence that she was in the cave for a while before she died and was cared for and fed.

As hunter-gatherers it would be easier to be monogamous and have your family aorund you, otherwise you could not be sure that they would survive and carry on your family line. If you go it alone as a hunter-gatherer there would also be the chance that you would not meet anyone for quite some time. You certainly wouldn't be able to carry on your family line in that case.

Although with prehistory it's very easy to take the evidence available, use the bits you want, ignore the rest and prove whatever theory you want (hence the 'race' that 'circumnavigated the globe' thousands of years ago and who's 'ships' are under the arctic ice.)

I am a professional archaeologist, before you ask.

OP, he wants his cake and eat it. If that's not what you want, make the break now or you could end up with years of heartache. Take up a new hobby and join a local club. It'll get you out and about and you'll meet new people who don't know anything about you, which can be great as you don't have to explain yourselves to them or fend off questions about your (ex?)bf.

You can get through this, and you will get through this.

hurt_2

hngrymummy wrote: »

I've not come accross any evidence yet that proves unequivocally
were were not monogamous in prehistory. Yet there is evidence of enduring love and respect, including a neandthal burial with flowers, and evidence that she was in the cave for a while before she died and was cared for and fed.

As hunter-gatherers it would be easier to be monogamous and have your family aorund you, otherwise you could not be sure that they would survive and carry on your family line. If you go it alone as a hunter-gatherer there would also be the chance that you would not meet anyone for quite some time. You certainly wouldn't be able to carry on your family line in that case.

Although with prehistory it's very easy to take the evidence available, use the bits you want, ignore the rest and prove whatever theory you want (hence the 'race' that 'circumnavigated the globe' thousands of years ago and who's 'ships' are under the arctic ice.)

I am a professional archaeologist, before you ask.

OP, he wants his cake and eat it. If that's not what you want, make the break now or you could end up with years of heartache. Take up a new hobby and join a local club. It'll get you out and about and you'll meet new people who don't know anything about you, which can be great as you don't have to explain yourselves to them or fend off questions about your (ex?)bf.

You can get through this, and you will get through this.

Hi, his claim is that marriage and monogamous pairing occurs for economic reasons rather than real love and that he disagrees with limiting himself emotionally for reasons of financial resources. He also says that he thinks that it is the 'great unsaid' that people are constantly attracted to and developing love for people outside of monogamous relationships and that he doesn't understand why if it is ignored then it is somehow better and that he is just being honest about his appreciation for other women. He also states that he would feel fine if we were both in polyamorous relationships. In my heart I can't comprehend loving many people with the same intensity that I would develop for my one partner. He says that emotions aren't directed and can't be scripted, that they arise spontaneously. In his eyes enforced monogamy through marriage is not about love at all.

Intellectually he is running rings around me, because although I can see his point of view and I know that some people are merely in marriages because it is the 'done' thing... monogamy is the context in which my love flourishes. I feel a relationship is cheapened when partners outside of a pair are brought in. Is my problem that I am constrained by social pressures or than I really am evolutionarily wired different to the man I love? In early 20s I used to flip flop emotionally between men and go without building something that I wanted to sustain... according to him, this is different to what he wants. He wants to have multiple sustainable relationships. Intellectually I almost have more respect for this rather than promiscuity which is based on lust... but emotionally I hate him for holding this view. I want to be the only one he thinks about intensely with love, just as he is the only one I think about intensely.

He doesn't want to distance himself from me and it is going to hurt me whether I stay or place distance between myself and him. I feel emotionally 'locked'. I'm in limbo and I wouldn't even know where to begin to help myself. Many years ago I fell in love with a man and the break up with him left me destroyed and numb. I became obsessed with my studies (some may see this as a good thing!) and I achieved very high grades, but socially I really regressed - to the point where I felt anxious being around people. I still carry remnants of these feelings and feel socially phobic in many situations. In my boyfriend I found someone who encouraged and nurtured aspects of myself and this is why it especially hurts to walk away. I feel as though my support system will be demolished.

sashadesade

hurt wrote: »

Hi, his claim is that marriage and monogamous pairing occurs for economic reasons rather than real love and that he disagrees with limiting himself emotionally for reasons of financial resources. He also says that he thinks that it is the 'great unsaid' that people are constantly attracted to and developing love for people outside of monogamous relationships and that he doesn't understand why if it is ignored then it is somehow better and that he is just being honest about his appreciation for other women. He also states that he would feel fine if we were both in polyamorous relationships. In my heart I can't comprehend loving many people with the same intensity that I would develop for my one partner. He says that emotions aren't directed and can't be scripted, that they arise spontaneously. In his eyes enforced monogamy through marriage is not about love at all.

Intellectually he is running rings around me, because although I can see his point of view and I know that some people are merely in marriages because it is the 'done' thing... monogamy is the context in which my love flourishes. I feel a relationship is cheapened when partners outside of a pair are brought in. Is my problem that I am constrained by social pressures or than I really am evolutionarily wired different to the man I love? In early 20s I used to flip flop emotionally between men and go without building something that I wanted to sustain... according to him, this is different to what he wants. He wants to have multiple sustainable relationships. Intellectually I almost have more respect for this rather than promiscuity which is based on lust... but emotionally I hate him for holding this view. I want to be the only one he thinks about intensely with love, just as he is the only one I think about intensely.

He doesn't want to distance himself from me and it is going to hurt me whether I stay or place distance between myself and him. I feel emotionally 'locked'. I'm in limbo and I wouldn't even know where to begin to help myself. Many years ago I fell in love with a man and the break up with him left me destroyed and numb. I became obsessed with my studies (some may see this as a good thing!) and I achieved very high grades, but socially I really regressed - to the point where I felt anxious being around people. I still carry remnants of these feelings and feel socially phobic in many situations. In my boyfriend I found someone who encouraged and nurtured aspects of myself and this is why it especially hurts to walk away. I feel as though my support system will be demolished.

It doesn't really matter how he tries to justify it to you or whether his point of view makes sense or not, the important thing here is that you do not agree with him and this situation is causing you a lot of pain.
I understand that you're clinging on to this relationship because you've invested too much in one person and are now afraid to lose him, but the truth is that this relationship has become unsustainable. You are never going to be able to accept the fact he loves other women and by the sounds of things, he's completely unwilling to remain monogomous. It can't work. If you stick with it you're letting yourself in for years of pain; how will it feel when he goes off for weekends and holidays with his other girlfriends? Surely it's better to sever things now rather than protracting it. This guy is a user and he's never going to commit to you the way you want. Save yourself the heartache and walk away now.

ontheroad_2

well bottom line is, you're not going to change this aspect of him, so you either stay and put up with it, or you make the decision to end it.

your boyfriend has explained what he wants, the ball is now totally in your court.

Dinah93

Do you want a monogamous relationship eventually or not? If you are happy with an open relationship then stay with him. If you want one on one, you need to get out.

Personally I don't think you do this to someone you love, and he's just calling it love because you're more likely to stay than if he says 'I just like shagging lots of women and I'm yet to meet one who I want to commit to'.