Has anyone's boyfriend ever fallen in love with other women?

hurt_2

I'm sorry if this seems irrelevant to moneysaving, but I am so hurt and I don't know where to turn to for advice. My boyfriend believes it is possible to fall in love with many women and has told me that he loves others as well as me. I'm so hurt by this, but I find it hard to break up with him because I love him and I'd feel lost without him... but it kills me that he loves other people.

Has anyone experienced this before? Can you give me advice?

I'm so upset I am crying and I feel like vomiting.

jackieglasgow

I am so sorry to hear that you are hurting so much, but TBH he doesn't love you, or the others, what he loves is getting his own way, and being a user. He will only make you feel worse if you allow him to continue to treat you like this. You should break all ties with him, and look after yourself. XXX

*max*

It's perfectly possible, and even normal, to love several people...family, friends...etc.

However, in my opinion you can be "in love" with only one person.

Lust being another story altogether.

If your bf is "in love" with other women (plural? really??), then there is obviously a problem and you must let go. You will only get hurt.
He can "love" other female friends, but should only be "in love" with you.

cattkitt

He's trying to tell you that he wants to muck around, and that you should accept it.
It's incredibly painful now, but do you really want to risk your whole future on someone who even now is already saying he won't be faithful?

What happens when you're older, going through a rough patch, etc? Do you want to spend another week, ,month, year, decade, and then have him tell you that well, he DID tell you that he'd always said he loved more than one woman at a time?

Break with him now, no matter what he says. Once a chancer, always a chancer.

xmaslolly76

I agree with Max you can only be "in love" with one person and if its not you then you should get rid of him for your own self esteem.

Men have roaming eyes and women but i think on a lesser scale we all have phwoarrr moments occasionally but thats all they are "moments" if he has deeper feelings for other people it just spells trouble for you.

hurt_2

I feel so stupid. I fell in love with my boyfriend very slowly, over the course of a year and I hadn't gone out with anyone for 3 years. It's made it all the more painful to just break up because we had a strong friendship and I was so happy to find love again.

I'm so distraught and I can't imagine a life without him. At the same time I am so angry with him for not being so in love with me that other attractions fade into the background. I don't know if we are just 'wired' differently... but it's heart breaking.

cattkitt

It's incredibly painful. Be strong enough to break up with him, and mean it. Be gentle enough with yourself to allow your friends to thoroughly pamper and comfort you. It is a bereavement of the relationship, and your hopes and dreams that were built on him, and unfortunately, he's turned out to be a foundation of sand. He does not deserve you. You and the dreams you have for a good future deserve better than someone like that.

hurt_2

cattkitt wrote: »

It's incredibly painful. Be strong enough to break up with him, and mean it. Be gentle enough with yourself to allow your friends to thoroughly pamper and comfort you. It is a bereavement of the relationship, and your hopes and dreams that were built on him, and unfortunately, he's turned out to be a foundation of sand. He does not deserve you. You and the dreams you have for a good future deserve better than someone like that.

This is my problem.. I have very few friends and he became my best friend and then my lover. I have little in the way of support systems around me and I'm not sure how to rely on myself.

thorsoak

Sorry - if he were my boyfriend and announced that he was "in love" with another woman/other women - he wouldn't be my boyfriend for much longer.

DVardysShadow

hurt wrote: »

This is my problem.. I have very few friends and he became my best friend and then my lover. I have little in the way of support systems around me and I'm not sure how to rely on myself.

Bloke's view: What does not kill you will make you stronger. Staying with him, where the sauce for the gander is not palatable to the goose will kill you in terms of being the person you want to be and living the life you want to lead more surely than ending the relationship.

cattkitt

hurt wrote: »

This is my problem.. I have very few friends and he became my best friend and then my lover. I have little in the way of support systems around me and I'm not sure how to rely on myself.

In that case, I am very sorry to hear that. I'm a bit of a loner myself, and understand.

Spoil yourself. What are your likes and dislikes? Chocolate, books, movies, ice cream?

Drag yourself out, even if this is the very last thing you want to do. The objective is getting out of the walls of your home, and exercise to get your body going.
Swimming is good. I am learning to belly dance. It's great, even though I'm really clumsy. All women, all shapes and sizes, aged 7-70, no leery men about. Dancing for the sake of it. The bad feelings you have? It helps if you make your body do these things, and your body will help you help yourself.

Sounds a bit stupid, no? But I do understand bits of it. I was widowed not that long ago, just when I was supposed to be young enough to "have my life in front of me". He was my best friend too.

So a cyber hug to you. And if I were a friend physically sitting next to you, I'd be saying to do all these things, so in a way, you do have friends here. (just invisible friends, but don't tell people about your invisible friends, it doesn't tend to go down well)