Split Up

pandora205

Hmmm... there is another way of seeing this. Women often have strong instincts when their men are starting to stray. Saying he has fallen out of love and playing online games and chatting with a woman for extended periods would concern many of us. And it can be a very unpleasant strategy for the straying partner (or potentially straying) to blame the other person - It can be a way of justifying their thoughs and actions.

So SC you could be right. I'm not saying your partner has strayed but it may be on his mind.

denton6

hi have sent you a email. all you can do is take it one step at a time, some days will be better than others. i have a good day ie not cry much and then something happens and the tears start again. try and take the support from your family, my 18 and 22 year olds have been really good support, the two little ones just kind of wonder why daddy is no longer there. fresh air is good but play some music so it doesnt give your brain quiet to think. not tunes that bring back memeories though i have done that and makes it all feel worse. people kept telling me to cut the ties, i have really struggled to do this if i had it would have prob been kinder on my emotions and have stopped the pain earlier. please dont do what i did hound him with text messages asking why, people said it would make it worse, i couldnt stop myself and it did make it turn out bad, hugs stay strong xx

sloppychops

Got your pm Wendy,thanks x
My son 25 and daughter 20 are still in shock that he has actually gone and are both quite upset themselves.
We have been in contact with each other trying to sort matters out but after hearing his voice it makes me feel 10 times worse but i cant help myself i need to hear him as i cant see him with him being 200 miles away.
I just long for him to come back and hold me and stop all this pain i am feeling.

Karen_30

Just wanted to send you big hugs and let you know i'm thinking of you as I know exactly what you are going through right now.

Hard as it is, you 'really' do have to give him his space. He needs it and you have to respect that, regardless of the circumstance leading up to it.

Perhaps, if you are able, take some time out to think about how you have been feeling up until this point. I'm guessing you didn't like becoming the needy person that you say you had?? Did you lose your own identity through fear of losing him and make things all about you and him....not you?? I can totally understand why perhaps you had become needy and need the reassurance from him about the relationship but that can put a lot of pressure on any relationship, especially one that had just come out of a rocky patch.

Don't give up, he probably does need some time and space to gather his thoughts. Perhaps you could write him a letter about how you feel, why you did the things you did re checking the computer etc? Is that possible. Writing things is a good way to communicate as i'm guessing if you speak to him you just end up crying.

Keep your family and friends around you and try and sleep - read a book or something just to take your mind off it if you can. I did this a lot.

Really agree with what someone else posted in taking time to date and get to know each other again, allow you to build back some trust etc - sometimes we all get stuck in a rut and it's how we deal with it that matters. Don't rush in him moving back home (to make it all better) until you've done some serious talking and taking positive actions to resolving and working out issues....it'll be too easy to say lets give it another go and have him move back in....you'll be walking on eggshells within hours and eventually probably end up back to where you are now, with maybe irriversable damage.

Use this as a wake up call for both of you, i'm sure he's not perfect - none of us are Perhaps he could have done more to reassure you in the early stages after your last blip....perhaps you didn't deal with the issues properly at the time....just ensure that both of you take time to deal with any issues.

The main thing is to ensure you are both totally honest with eachother, even if sometimes it hurts to hear it....it'll be for the best.

Take good care,

xxx

P.S - sorry for my wafflings....been in your situation and come through the other side a far better and stronger couple for it....pm me if you feel like a chat.

sloppychops

Today has been tough,it seems as the days go by its getting harder to cope.I love and miss him so much its tearing me apart.
We have spoke today and he told me that he doesnt want any pressure put on him and he does just need time and space to work out what he wants.
In the meantime im lost and dont have a clue what to do with myself.I have seen family again today but once they have gone im alone with my thoughts and feelings that are driving me to despair.
Sorry if i have ranted and if things dont make a heap of sense as im so confused.
Thanks for all the replies i have had they do help x

denton6

hi can you try and not contact him or try and speak to him, i know this is very hard but sometimes it is kinder and more helpful on you. i say all this now but i couldnt do this, kept wanting to no more, asking why what i had done etc. all came back to haunt me. now he will no longer speak to me, told only through solicitors now. i keep texting asking for answers but i arnt gonna get them. all i am doing is making the agony worse. please try and take a step back from the situation. do you work ? sometimes having something that needs to be done can help. maybe speak to gp. samaritans or try and push for councilling. think lots of us have the trust issues going round and round in our heads. wish i could take away our pain, somedays will be better than others. lots depends on whats happining at the time. hugs you deserve them. maybe you can build on the future but for now for your own sake and his give him that space.

Jemima5317

sloppychops wrote: »

Checking up on his pc i know i shouldnt of and i feel utter crap for doing it.I also started questioning him alot about other women and i had this constant need for affection.

Hey honey. I've not read the whole thread through, but one thing about the above stuck out for me. A very wise person once said to me, when I was in the throes of an awful situation (in summary, caught X out, and he blamed my behaviour - I was too "needy" etc), that the "right" bloke for me would understand why I felt that way and might think I was a pain in the rear sometimes, but would bear with me. I don't know the ins and outs of your situation obviously, but i wouldn't be too quick to blame yourself for wanting affection etc - we all do that.

Jx

sloppychops

I have tried not to contact him but i cant at the min its the only thing keeping me sane.He has also been calling me just for a general chat and to see how i am.
I actually didnt think he would ever leave me as we had a bond that i didnt think would break but it obviously has especially on his part.
I have tried to watch tv,read a book but i just cant concentrate on anything as my mind and thoughts are elsewhere and i just seem to be wandering around the house doing nothing.

denton6

i promise you that trying to keep talking to him and see reason will make it worse. i went against others advice that told me to limit contact, even when i had a crisis team they told me this. thought i could but kept going back over it with him, sending lots of texts. i wanted to hear his voice or get a message from him. it makes you feel worse it really does. i am so sorry you no all the problems i have at moment are you totally sure you think he just wants a bit of space. i truly hope he does but in lots of cases like mine he did have someone else. I really didnt want to believe it but did no in my heart he couldnt just change like he did for a simple reason. he has killed me inside would hate to think of anyone else going through the same thing apart from his new b#### sorry but really follow what your heart is saying do you 100 % trust what he says. before i did find out he was seeing someone else i never for one second thought it would happen to us, we were so together loved being together but it all changed. i had a doubt but didnt believe it cos no reason to but did turn into my nightmare. give him space he will or will not come back when he feels ready. sorry if i have said anything you dont want to hear hugs hugs hugs

irnbruicecream

So sorry you are going through such a hard time at the moment! I think you are being too hard on yourself, your husband told you he might not love you anymore, did he expect you to carry on as normal?

My only advice is that you try and keep your self respect, give him the space he wants to do what he needs to do, get out a bit, pamper yourself, get in touch with friends you havent seen for a while, a bit of independence is maybe what you need!

Good luck x