biting

Anthillmob

thanks to all the sensible posters.

i told the nursery manager today of my worries about something, possibly starting school in september, upsetting her and taking her frustrations out on her brother. also had to fill in an incident report form regards his marks.

generally they get on really well although she is the boss and dominated him which i tell her not to. its only play domination like she tells him he is the patient when playing doctors and nurses and he just lays down and dont move until she tells him. its quite sweet but when he gets bored she shouts at him. i tell her she cant boss him around.

she hasnt bitten for ages, last time she bit was when she was about 18 months old and sunk her teeth into my leg. a naughty step moment ensued with full on tantrum.

they are both treated equally by myself and OH and family members. recently they have become very bickery [is that a word] over me for some unknown reason.

and last night, delightful boris bit chops on the toe. revenge! lol [not really a laughing matter]

Savvy_Sue

Anthillmob wrote: »

and last night, delightful boris bit chops on the toe. revenge! lol [not really a laughing matter]

That'll learn 'er! At least one hopes so. Was she a tad upset by that?

meritaten

So, now you have TWO biters in the family!
I still stand by my post Antihill. but, you rightly asked me what qualifies me to reply that way.
Ok, I have brought up three children and have six grandchildren aged from 2 to 12.
My second child was a biter at around two year old and used to bite everyone from his older to sister to myself and OH. I did the putting him down and walking away bit or removing him from the situation then explaining to him that biting hurts etc.
Until one day he bit me on the face over my cheekbone and clamped on - was like being bitten by a bulldog! I had to slap his leg before he would let go! I was in total tears and streaming with blood and had to go to A&E (the doc informed me human bites were far more likely to get infected than dog bites) and have the wound cleaned (ouuuuchhh - hurt more than the bite) and dressed.
the doc also said bite the little bu99er back next time).
sure enough - he tried to bite me again on the arm so I picked up HIS arm and bit him carefully - just giving enough pressure that he felt it. He howled and howled - but he never bit anyone again!
which is why I never said anything about Kara - I have done it myself out of sheer desperation and on a doctors advice! mind you this was back in 1983 or 84.
of my grandkids one has Aspergers and one has ADHD and we have never had a problem with any of the six g-kids biting - one bite and they are punished and its made known its NOT tolerated.
I think almost all kids will bite at some stage - usually in the terrible twos or threes, but it does have to be dealt with immediately!
I think you were far too casual in your post about there being five bite marks and bruises caused by your daughter. and I am not kidding that you really would have a heck of a job explaining those to medical personel.
Your son is only two and cannot verbalise or tell you what has happened except in a very limited way (unless he has exceptional communication skills). so, you saying you tell both children to come to you with concerns actually doesnt mean squat to me in your sons case.

Anthillmob

you know jack about me so do t even go there.

and how funny how mrs good parent now admits to biting their own child.

is that what you suggest i do to mine? and for the record yes at 2 years old he is exceptionally right and can hold a conversation and tell me whats happened. it happens out of my sight. should i fit cctv in their bedroom and monitor it at night?

elfen

I used to bite when I was little. It was my way of telling my older sisters enough's enough - they used to pick on me quite a lot, so I had to do something. I did grow out of it, and the only time I bit after that was when some boy on the bus got me in a stranglehold so I bit him until he let go....I got called into the HOY's office and asked what happened.....so I showed her the bruises and she basically said fair enough.

She will grow out of it, I think right now she's trying to stamp her authority on her little brother. All you can do is watch for when she does it, and put her on the naughty step or however you discipline your children and see if it works (not being flippant, I don't know how you discipline your kiddies and I don't want to say the wrong thing)

supermezzo

mrcow wrote: »

Perhaps if the adults involved had effectively dealt with the problem in the first place, then it would have save 4 years of bullying for one child and further bullying of another by two bigger siblings.

I personally don't see anything to "smile" about in that anecdote.

QUOTE]

Then you're clearly either an only child or come from a much higher being than any child I have ever worked with in the last 20 odd years.

meritaten

Anthillmob wrote: »

you know jack about me so do t even go there.

and how funny how mrs good parent now admits to biting their own child.

is that what you suggest i do to mine? and for the record yes at 2 years old he is exceptionally right and can hold a conversation and tell me whats happened. it happens out of my sight. should i fit cctv in their bedroom and monitor it at night?

anthillmob
I DID NOT suggest you bite back - I suggested you contact your gp or HV for advice.
while I am concerned about your little one you seem overly concerned with having a go at me. perhaps because I accused your little girl of abusing her baby brother?
at four she shouldnt be biting. and your last post where you seem amused that baby brother bit back, struck me as stupid. you now have two kids that bite and all you can do is attack me?
perhaps you SHOULD fit cctv in the kids bedroom - at least it will convince social services its your daughter biting and not you.

mrcow

supermezzo wrote: »

Then you're clearly either an only child or come from a much higher being than any child I have ever worked with in the last 20 odd years.

I'm very far from an only child and grew up with a mother who knew how to create and enforce behavioral boundaries. Which is exactly what I do with my own kids now - who, funnily enough, don't seem to have any fightly, biting or bullying problems at all (not like those poor kids you've mentioned).

Indie_Kid

Anthill - whatever you decide to do, you must keep on at it. So, if you decide to take pudding away the first time, you must keep on doing tha each time.

Gingham_Ribbon

Good grief. This thread. :eek:

Ant, have a read of Siblings Without Rivalry for a long term solution. For now though, what Mrcow said:

Ant - in terms of your daughter, I do agree that you need to make sure that they are not alone together.

My three year old went through a stage of biting her older sister. My response has always been to stop it immediately, make her apologise, ask her how she would feel if eg. i was to bite her and then dish out a punishment (eg. time out, loss of pudding - my kids respond well to pudding denial).

I think it's a normal thing which may have escalated because she thinks she's getting away with it. To counteract this, you need to be sharp and as always, consistent. She knows where the boundaries are - she needs reminding each time she crosses one that you are there enforcing them.

For my kids, I'd usually go with a consequence rather than a punishment as such. But if pudding works, so much the better!