biting

xmaslolly76

Savvy i didnt mean untouchable as in we are not allowed to touch (ie hit them) them i meant that no matter how we try and deal with these youngsters now they have an answer for everything even pushing as far as taking away their belongings as a punishment is infringing on their human rights or grounding them or stopping their computer time is some sort of mental abuse. Thankfully the parents of the new generation of children we have growing up now seem to have realised that we must give boundries and rules and correct them when they are wrong so the 2-3-4yr olds of today will hopefully realise when they are older that they have to earn respect to gain it, that not everything is handed to them on a plate and when they do something wrong there will be consequences to their actions.

redstararnie76

Hi OP,
Interesting thread! Talk about an sensitive subject - seems so many people hold different opinions and many feel that theirs is the only way!
Anyway, I'm hoping I don't get flamed too much for posting, but I really feel sympathy for you so had to take the risk!

I'm having something slightly similar happening too at the moment - not the biting, but the playing up.
My daughter is 4 and starts school in September, she has a 12 week old brother. Recently she's started getting up to mischief when she thinks she can get away with it - she keeps giving me heart attacks. She went to the toilet and while she was up there, managed to get my razor out of a cupboard that I thought was out of reach, and cut her hair with it - we only discovered this when my husband brushed her hair and big clumps fell out.
Then yesterday, while I nipped to the loo, she coloured in on my baby's head with pink felt-tip!
I don't know that I handled the situation particularly brilliantly, but I took what I thought was the best course of action at the time - sat her down and explained that I was sad and disappointed, I thought she was a big girl who helped mummy look after her baby brother. Needless to say she didn't get a gold star for being a good girl that day...
I fully believe in MY case, that her behaviour is down to her feeling that she is lacking attention now that her brother is here. So although I don't think that her behaviour should go unpunished, I also see it as a wake-up call for me to ensure she's receiving more positive attention so that she doesn't feel she needs to act like this. As a result, I'm making a conscious effort to ensure that we spend more time doing the things she likes together - reading, drawing etc.
I don't know if this may also apply in your case?

The other thing, which I think has been mentioned already, is that I would talk to your nursery about it - I'm sure this is something that they have experienced before and they can probably help support you with it and come up with some other suggestions.
Good luck.

peachyprice

sassy-one wrote: »

OP please don't take things said here to heart, people have nothing better to do at this time of night, and quite often at any other time of day other than to pick holes in the same shirt there wearing, or were wearing yesterday!

Pot, kettle, black.

After the tirade of abuse you slung at Kara for her parenting methods, which have in the past been recommended by health professionals, you need to take a good look at your own actions.

hngrymummy

My cousin used to bite, until his Mum bit back. It seems that he didn't realise that biting actually hurts the other person. Once he realised that it hurt he stopped and didn't bite again.

My older brother was an only for 4 or 5 years, so it was a shock to him to have to share his parents with something that was no fun for him. So he made it 'fun'. He practiced tying knots around my neck, he played Drs and nurses with me and fed me paracetamol (about half a bottle), he played 'pile on' with me when I was about 4 (I was 'it' so I had to lie on the floor while him and all of his friends piled on top of me) etc etc. What I did notice most of all was that he could pick on me, but woe betide anyone else who tried, because he was my protector.

I think you need to keep an eye on this and stop the biting. Hopefully it is just a case of her making the new baby a bit more 'fun' and interesting for her, and she has to be made to realise that this is not 'fun'.

Just remember that your oldest may pick on your youngest, probably for the rest of their lives, but will also be their protector. Also remember that youngests will wind up and annoy older siblings for the rest of their lives too (and what fun I have doing it, still ).

****kara****

Thanks guys I really appreciate it I'm not going to say anymore about it as I know I didn't harm my child in anyway it was more the fact they thought I was going to bite that scared them into not doing it anymore.

Best of luck OP I hope you get it sorted soon

Bufger

Thats naughty - smack (lightly, no bruise) - go to your room.

Indie_Kid

Bufger wrote: »

Thats naughty - smack (lightly, no bruise) - go to your room.

Peronally, I would also explain why it's naughty.

supermezzo

OP - It might also be worth checking if there have been any other incidences of biting between other kids at nursery/school. All behaviour at nursery is quickly learnt, whether it's right or wrong and it only takes one 'biter' to start the trend off I have found and is very common at this age as well. Personally, I'd ignore the biting when it happens and not make a big fuss of either child (if the issue is jealousy it will only make it worse IMHO) and then talk to her later when everyone is calmer.I should perhaps add that by getting no reaction to her actions, she may well up the odds in the beginning in order to get your attention and that is the hardest part to ignore. Again, ask nursery/school what their policy/actions are for dealing with it and present a consistent front on the issue.
If it raises a smile somewhat, the eldest i used to nanny for beat/tripped/bit/slapped his sister for the first 4 years of her life, until the youngest one arrived and then the 2 eldest picked on him. Thick as theives now though....

mrcow

supermezzo wrote: »

If it raises a smile somewhat, the eldest i used to nanny for beat/tripped/bit/slapped his sister for the first 4 years of her life, until the youngest one arrived and then the 2 eldest picked on him. Thick as theives now though....

Perhaps if the adults involved had effectively dealt with the problem in the first place, then it would have save 4 years of bullying for one child and further bullying of another by two bigger siblings.

I personally don't see anything to "smile" about in that anecdote.

This needs to be stopped. The adults concerned need to take control of the situation and deal with it. It's really not that hard a situation to rectify. You don't need to ask any nursery for advice on their policies - as parents, we're more than capable of setting the rules and dishing out the discipline effectively enough.

Penny-Pincher!!

Heya!

OP biting and pinching is "normal" behaviour for a small child but they need to be told....firmly that this is NOT acceptable!

I remember DD biting me when she was little and I bit her back...she never did it again and never bit anyone else. Before anyone starts saying I am a bad parent blah blah blah....dont bother as I really dont care and would be a waste of effort on your part:D

Some of the replies have been laughable OP, so dont take them seriously or be offended by them.

At 4 your DD understands that this behaviour is wrong. If it were me, I would sit her down, explain that this is unacceptable behaviour and that it could be very dangerous for their sibling. You could also ask "why does she want to or like hurting her sibling?" and let her answer. Ask how she would like it done to her etc etc.

Just be direct and straight faced when talking to her so that she knows you're serious. Maybe state that if it happens again, that you will take xyz off her as punishment.

My DD is now 15 nearly 16 and I have just asked her what she would do and she said that she would lightly bite back and she can remember me doing it, but she said that she's glad I did it as she never did it again.

HTH and apologies if it hasnt:o

PP
xx