MSE Parents Club Part 13

r.mac_2

BrunoM wrote: »

Hugs for Beenie I can imagine how much harder it is to do what people are suggesting than to just read it... but ugh.

OH just mailed me this conversation they just had -

Me: 'I'm going to let your butt air out for a minute now.'
E: 'Clouds...'
E: 'Butt in the clouds!'
meaningful pause
E: 'Peenyus in the clouds.'
E: 'Up very high in the sky.'

:eek::eek::eek: was my initial reaction then:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Sami_Bee wrote: »

I'm exhausted I feel like if I could I would sleep for a good 12hrs if I went to bed at 8pm but by the time bedtime arrives my mind is wide awake, I went to bed at 3:30am this morning and lay there just staring at the time on the ceiling for about 30mins before I nodded off.
I set my alarm this morning to make myself get up at a decent time in the hope that'll help get in a better routine but meh!

Sami - I'm the same at the moment. I'm wondering if I need to cut back on the caffeine again. I only have 3 cups of coffee and never after 4pm, but still cutting back has helped in the past...

Evansangel wrote: »

Im currently waiting for someone to email me about a clearblue fertility monitor. Hopefully its not stupidly expensive.

And someone else to email me about a clearblue digital ovulation test holder. Im far to cheap to buy a new one

evansangel - sending you a PM

MFD - re: naughty step. We discussed that really advice is to wait until they are 2 or so. We started to try it using her cot (empty of toys) but she doesn't get it and sits happily! then carries on the 'naughtiness' once she is released!!!!! :rotfl:

I'm just trying to stop her in her tracks and say 'we don't hit/kick/bite - it's not nice, now lets go and do x/find me the dolly/where's y?' Who knows if its helping or not?!:rotfl:

emlou2009

I just say "NO Seth, dont hit mummy, it hurts, ouch!" and he pulls stroppy face and goes and does something else.

I am desperately trying to find a solution to him keeping on pulling the cushions off the sofa and throwing them on the floor, he has ripped one of the covers and we are supposed to be buying a new one and selling this one :mad: It seems to be the only activity he shows any interest in. Even if I am sat on it he is trying to pull it out from under me, and tries to push me over to get to it :rotfl:

BrunoM

My_Fathers_Daughter wrote: »

Hmmm - he does understand that hitting is wrong. He knows as soon as he does it and he hangs his head with his lip out because he knows he will be told off.

I hadn't really thought about him being mature enough to make a link....but I was really talking about immediate punishments. And I guess I am looking long term too - start as you mean to go on and all that jazz.

Now I am confuzzled. Can I give you an example and you give me your take on it...

MFD, that seems totally fine and would've been similar for us, but it was "immediate" and therefore directly connected - what I meant really was that ideas like the naughty step are 'over time' (e.g. sit there 2 minutes) and there's no way E would understand and accept that he was sitting on the step as a result of something that happened minutes ago, at 16 months. He might do now (although personally I still don't like the naughty step).

Combination of sensible consequence (rather than "punishment" - taking the club away is a consequence) and explanation and letting him see that it upset you (stern voice/words like "hurt" and so on) works well. E does foil us though because when we do this he immediately becomes terribly guilty and anxious and rushes up to us going "Mama sick? Mama SICK?! " and clinging to our legs.

CAFCGirl

Beenie - Hows friday? I've sent DH a msg to ask him to watch L for the day (bout time he had him for a day!). You can spend the day ranting at me, or just have a good old cry, or eat cake..... whatever you like...
My parents are up first weekend of sept as well and my mum reckons i dont leave her alone with L enough LOL so can come round then and help you decorate if you like....

apologies if it sounds like im planning my social life at your house....

With the HO decision, was there an appeals process? Or have you already gone through that? (sorry memory of a goldfish).... We can write letter to your MP together if you like.
Is there any way of renting privately?

redmel1621

Hello everyone

Hugs for Beenie, I won't add anything as you have had all the suggestions I would think of.

MFD, I really must remember to mention santorini to my sister as a honeymoon suggestion, her and her df are in dispute over where to go:(

Sami I hope you get your body clock adjusted, it will make it easier for when you are doing school runs etc:)


I have had to change the carrycot side of the buggy into a seat as T has outgrown the carrycot:( She only had about an inch at the end of her feet and widthways was very tight! I will take a pic later of the two of them in it, she doesn't even look that small in the seat!!! I have just had to up her feeds to 7oz as she is draining her bottles every feed now, the last two nights she has also woken up twice in the night and drained the bottle each time.... She is such a fatty piggy;):D

Had some good news too, MIL has been awarded mobility allowance and as we run her around alot she is allowed to get a free tax disc for our car:D:D:D We are off to collect the forms from her later as it just happens our tax is due for renewal at the end of August. We are also stopping at Asda for picnin stuff, as we are going to Alton Towers either tomorrow or Friday, depending on weather:) Kids still have no idea:)

xx

SugarSpun

Beenie, your MP is Jenny Chapman, and you can send her an email. Send her an email with your number and a brief explanation and ask for an appointment/callback. She ran on a platform of taking care of the locals so she should be a good person to talk to.

My_Fathers_Daughter

Em - If it was something like that I would knock it on the head immediately, physically not let him do it and suffer the consequences for the next few days/week/whatever it takes him to learn that it is unacceptable behaviour. If he was (say) running into the road you or doing something physically dangerous you would physically stop him. I apply the same kind of logic to all kinds of unacceptable behaviour.

BrunoM wrote: »

MFD, that seems totally fine and would've been similar for us, but it was "immediate" and therefore directly connected - what I meant really was that ideas like the naughty step are 'over time' (e.g. sit there 2 minutes) and there's no way E would understand and accept that he was sitting on the step as a result of something that happened minutes ago, at 16 months. He might do now (although personally I still don't like the naughty step).

Combination of sensible consequence (rather than "punishment" - taking the club away is a consequence) and explanation and letting him see that it upset you (stern voice/words like "hurt" and so on) works well. E does foil us though because when we do this he immediately becomes terribly guilty and anxious and rushes up to us going "Mama sick? Mama SICK?! " and clinging to our legs.

Interesting. I personally would never use a naughty step or put him anywhere alone as a punishment (which is why I wish I had paid more attention to the naughty step conversation)
I thought I was the only parent in the world who didn't agree with 'time out' type punishments! But this is due to watching my desperate brother and SIL trying a million different 'tv nanny remedies' to try and stamp out behaviour that they should never have let happen in the first place.

But as we all know, I am victorian mum

tiamai_d

MFD, the way I have dealt with one child hitting/biting/being mean and what not, towards another child is to simply tell the 'bad child' off, and then lavish attention on the 'victim'. Works well with biting. The biter then realises that they get no attention if they bite/hit (because to a child bad attention is still attention) and as well as that, mummy (or mummy substitute) lavishes attention on someone else!

DH's cousins little girl (18months) bit Christopher a peach a few weeks ago and she spent over 5 mins telling her off, while she screamed and then she got a cuddle. She asked me what to do because she is biting so much and I told her. I also told her to stop saying sorry because that's what kids do. Half an hour later, she tried to bite him again, so she tried it. and it worked.

Scenario 1 - I bite the boy and then mummy focuses all her attention on me for 5 mins, I get a cuddle and then she tells me to stop crying and is nice to me.
Scenario 2 - I bite the boy and then mummy says 'no, that is bad!' and turns away from me and gives the boy lots of attention.

And then after thats done you can explain that it is bad and why it is bad. But that depends on age. I think at Benjamins age it's just about showing that bad behaviour results in precious adult attention being removed whereas good behaviour results in lots of good attention 'well done, you're playing so nice!'

Of course, my boys are still monsters.

ETA, time out has only really worked for us when they are older and it is used more to let them calm down. Usually it means they spend a few mins screaming at the top of their lungs in the hall before having to come in and facing the wrath of mummy!

Buttonmoons

Keira used to enjoy a bit of self harm when she got told off as a toddler, I'd say "no don't do that etc" and she'd pull a face and go start thrashing her nogging of the floor. If you tried to stop her she'd do it worse, so I just threw a cushion down and let her pound away and she seemed to learn from it. She has never bitten/hit/swore/stole/ so I thoroughly suggest encouraging your child to knock themselves out :rotfl: That's a joke!

SugarSpun

My_Fathers_Daughter wrote: »

Em - If it was something like that I would knock it on the head immediately, physically not let him do it and suffer the consequences for the next few days/week/whatever it takes him to learn that it is unacceptable behaviour.

I personally would never use a naughty step or put him anywhere alone as a punishment (which is why I wish I had paid more attention to the naughty step conversation)

I agree. Husband is mad for naughty step, but I don't see it as making much sense - I spend loads of time at the moment keeping an eye on Molly and when she is doing something obnoxious I tell her it's not for babies and then take her to do something else. I try not to say no a lot but do end up using her name alllllllllllllllll the time. I sometimes wonder if I should record myself. Molly! Molly! Molly! That's not for babies!

tiamai_d wrote: »

MFD, the way I have dealt with one child hitting/biting/being mean and what not, towards another child is to simply tell the 'bad child' off, and then lavish attention on the 'victim'.

Genius!