Splitting up two weeks before the wedding...

Person_one

Feanor wrote: »

I know you are all right, its just right now I cannot even imagine not seeing/speaking to him every day. It just makes me feel so sad.

We are supposed to be staying together in this lovely old farmhouse for two weeks. How could we just go on holiday and try to have a nice time? I guess we'll have to go, all the travel is booked and everything.

I spoke to my Mum last night and she said the same, dont do it if it's not right. She just wants me to be happy.

I do keep myself very busy, I play netball and go to the gym but I keep having these visions of me just being in our flat all alone and having no idea what to do with myself.

I would really love to keep the house if I can. Maybe I could rent out the second bedroom or at least get my Dad or Sister to gurantee the mortgage maybe? I dont know. Everything is just going around in my mind right now.

Thanks alot everyone.

No you don't. You don't have to do anything, a travel booking is not a court ordered sentence! If you want to go, go, if you want to take someone else like a friend or a family member, do that, if you want to forget the whole thing and not go anywhere near that farmhouse you can do that too!

Before you start thinking about keeping the house, what can happen short term? I really really recommend that you don't stay living together after deciding to split. One of you should find somewhere else to stay. You can't go from being engaged to being flatmates, it will just keep you confused and prolong your recovery.

ailuro2

If all the money would be lost anyway, but you're not ready to split up, why not suggest to people that you go as a family and just miss outt he wedding?

If all the food etc is paid for it's only the actual ceremony you need to miss out on.

Of course, if you're sure it has no future then one of you needs to stay home.;)

zoenryansmummy

hi hun, i too have been where you are, my fiance was more interested in going out that being with me so i cancelled our wedding and walked away. we got back together after a few weeks and married a year later. last year he decided he no longer loved me after 4 years of marriage and 2 children, our youngest had just turned 1 weeks before. he left and i had to pick up the pieces of my life after spending 10 years with him
he's now shacked up with a girl he used to work with, whom i suspected he'd always had feeling for for various reasons, though i know i only have to say the word and he'd come running back. But i wont, why should i beg him to come back now, i did enough of that when i thought i couldnt go on without him. And I will never be second best!!!
I now have a very relaxed and happy life back near my parents, my babies are marvellous, settled and secure, and though right now i'm not ready for another relationship (it's been 9 months since he left) i know when i want one i'll have the confidence in myself to get out there. I managed to pick myself up and sort my life out when i thought it was over-i promise you can too!!!! Its hard to begin with but you can do it!!!

zoenryansmummy

oh and i'm 30 this year-planning a girls weekend in blackpool to celebrate styaing 29 forever lol!!!

hngrymummy

I'm really sorry this has happened to you. Sending you hugs.

Just a practical thing. You have a few choices with the wedding booking:
Cancel it and just accept that it's better to lose the money than to waste it on a wedding that you are not happy with.
Sell it on Ebay and recoup some of it
Go with a good friend and your family. Have a holiday, and just cancel the ceremony.

Just be good to yourself for now. You need some TLC.

Redman30

Feanor wrote: »

I'm 27, nearly 28...I thought I would be married and planning a family next year. Having to start all over again just seems impossible.

Firstly some excellent advice from Person_one amongst others, they've said everything I would have liked to, but better

Secondly, this is a positive thing, it's an escape from years of being unhappy with a bloke who doesn't know what he want that would only cause you untold heartache. 27/28 is no age at all, when you come through this (and you will) you'll be stronger and you'll find someone who will treat you as you deserve.

Go on holiday with a friend/family, tell him he's not welcome. You paid for it in any case and he's the one causing the trauma. You won't be able to get him out of your mind completely, but it might be a good distraction!

mikey72

How did he take the miscarriage?
Does he want a family, and is he upset about it as well, or is he questioning getting his "freedom" back.
Either extreme could be influencing his attitude.

Aspiring_Writer

Feanor,

I do appreciate this must be heartbreaking for you right now, but as others here have posted before me, please cancel the wedding. Please do not go through with it just for the sake it, you are only young, and I apologise for this crap cliche, but you really do have the rest of your life ahead of you babe.

I am a strong believer in Fate, what will be will be. I only wish I had taken my own advice and trusted my own instincts years ago, would have saved myself a lot of heartache. Do yourself a favour, get a solicitor, sort out the house sale and walk away, well from the r/ship at least. If you manage to keep the house and you want to stay there then all well and good.

Love is the answer babe, if you dont have that, and trust and honesty, it aint worth a light.

Good Luck x

property.advert

Don't get married. I did, for all the wrong reasons and the hostility at the end of that relationship would never have come around as we'd never have lasted so long without that tie.

Feanor

Thanks for replying everyone, its really helped to get some outside perspective.

I don't know what else to say really, it just feels like I'll never be ok.

The next door neighbours house which is the same as ours has been for sale since January with not much interest and I don't think either of us can afford to move out.

I just wish he would say its 100% over, then at least I would know and can deal with it, but I feel we are in limbo. I'm not sure I have the courage to be the one to say its over and really stick to it. I can't imagine telling everyone, all my friends, workmates...they have all been asking about how exciting it is etc. I feel so stupid and humiliated. I can't just stop loving him just like that either.

Eurgh what a horrible situation.