are you jealous of OH's hobby?

Aputsiaq

bubbles0169 wrote: »

ds2 has a party on saturday its not walking distance so his dad has to take us in the car which if is fine as its not next weekend when hes fishing!
if it was next weekend id have to ask the inlaws to take us
i obviously dont mind him having a hobby im just jealous and a little put out that he HAS to go every other weekend with his mates as theyve some kind of competition which you have to partake in every other weekend or your out
i rarely go anywhere as i cant afford it and i dont want to know how much it costs to go fishing as id probably go mad, but he earns it working for 50 hours a week
if i did turn around and say on the weekends hes home im going off on my own for hours on end i doubt itd go down to well
i wouldnt do it though as i see it as quality time with the kids
i said to him 'what you say goes when your fishing end of'
he said 'youre going out next week am i moaning about that?'
err excuse me when was the last time i went out with the girls and its for a hen night?
i dont go out every other weekend its hardly the same
ooh grrrr
any opinions? am i a moaner?

Yes, you are! If you want a hobby, get one.

You can also take driving lessons then you are not dependent on other people to run you around.
You will also have some freedom too.

meritaten

I know how you feel OP! my OH played rugby for years, but it wasnt just saturday afternoons, there was training two nights a week, then he had to help out at the club disco (I found a babysitter and used to go to the disco too). I also helped out with putting on the after match meal for a couple of years, but when child no2 came along i couldnt find a sitter. I tried to get involved too, but honestly, I cant stand sports!
It DID come between us, when money was tight and I was desperately needing new shoes my OH went out and bought new rugby boots for about three times what shoes would have cost me! huge row! the kids never went without though.
it still winds me up as even though he doesnt play anymore, (too old) he does the first aid. and all through the season he merrilys goes off to play with the boys, not caring a jot what I do, during the summer I get nagged about 'what shall we do today'? 'where do you want to go'? fancy a little run out in the car? arrrgggghhhh - then he gets all hurt and upset when I reply, ' I dont want to go anywhere with you' 'I just want to read this book' 'I am going shopping and your not invited' just like for nine months of the year!
I made a life for myself when he was out playing - I suggest you do the same!

tanith

Hell no, I love that we both have separate hobbies , he is a social animal and plays Sunday and at least one weekday evening... has one pint and a game and chat with his mates . I encourage him to have a hobbies. I love my own company and like nothing better than quiet time to read or walk or swim... or have my grands over to chat..

bubbles0169

jimbms wrote: »

Well the question was asked so I answered, by the way do you happen to have a lockpicking kit or be a redhead :blushing:

nope and nope sorry:D

thanks alot again theres alot of good ideas and advice here and nah im not a moaner;):)

velvetybubbles

what smoking... drinking .... nah lol

baxterdo

Oh groan. I'm not the only one with this problem then. My oh used to love fishing every Sunday and if you take it seriously like he did it costs a fortune. We too have never really had any money and it used to really pee me off especially as I did every thing I could to try and save money. It did cause many and arguement and eventually he did realise he was being selfish. I think once you have children the weekend becomes family time and going fishing all day every Sunday is selfish. If I had a hobby all day every Saturday then we would have no family time together at all. Anyway like I said he doesn't fish anymore instead he has taken up rugby which consumes less hours and less money but still annoys me. This is on a Saturday and so he often leaves at 11.00 and comes back at 6.00 so you could say it eats up most of the day. Then you've got the rugby tours away and the posh dinner dances! Aarg it does my head in. Then they expect me to take a turn in making a lunch for all of them and their opposing players after a game. Like I've got nothing better to do then make then catering for 40 . Grr. Yes I am selfish - a selfish mum of two kids who hates doing every thing on her own.

fly_dragon_fly

i totally get this!

my other halfs week day goes mondaywork then judo, tuesday uni, wednesday work then judo, thursday work then judo, friday work and then time with me!! yahee, saturday day of but usually vw beetle work , sunday day with me and son

so even if i want to do hobbies i cant! unless its on a friday when its only dancing or tuesday. ( i dont work on weekends as i want to spend time as a family.) i guess the only thing good with these judo hobbies is my 5 year old will be ready for the oympics by the time he's 16 haha!

January20

bubbles0169 wrote: »

ds2 has a party on saturday its not walking distance so his dad has to take us in the car which if is fine as its not next weekend when hes fishing!
if it was next weekend id have to ask the inlaws to take us
As others have said, why don't you learn to drive. I know you said you were scared but what kind of example are you showing your children? Don't do things that scare you? Imagine how proud of yourself you would be if you beat your fear? Imagine how much respect you would get from your husband?

i obviously dont mind him having a hobby im just jealous and a little put out that he HAS to go every other weekend with his mates as theyve some kind of competition which you have to partake in every other weekend or your out It's only every other weekend so it's not bad. What does he do on the w/ends he is not fishing? Does he spend time with his family?

i rarely go anywhere as i cant afford it Why can't you afford it? You don't have a job? Are you a sahm? In which case you have as much of a right to spend money on a hobby as your husband has. If you don't feel you can, could you get a small part-time job for hobby money?

and i dont want to know how much it costs to go fishing as id probably go mad, but he earns it working for 50 hours a week If you are a sahm, I bet you work more than 50 hours a week!

if i did turn around and say on the weekends hes home im going off on my own for hours on end i doubt itd go down to well Why? you are a human being with as much right as him to have your own hobby. They are his children aren't they? Can't he spend some quality time with them whilst you are away for a couple of hours?

i wouldnt do it though as i see it as quality time with the kids sorry, but why not? and why complain then? You have your priorities. He has his.

i said to him 'what you say goes when your fishing end of'
he said 'youre going out next week am i moaning about that?'
err excuse me when was the last time i went out with the girls and its for a hen night?
i dont go out every other weekend its hardly the same
ooh grrrr
any opinions? am i a moaner?

I don't think you are a moaner but I think you have made a rod for your own back. You can't complain about your husband going fishing every other weekend and then say you wouldn't do the same because you see the weekends as quality time with the children. What do you expect? Him to spend every minute of his time off with his family? Or him to let you have time to pursue your own hobby?

If you want time to do your own hobby, discuss it with your husband and make him understand why you need your own time. If he doesn't agree then he is very selfish, but he's not going to guess unless you tell him.

And learn to drive! and/ or (if you don't already) get a part-time job. You will get so much more independance, so much more confidence, it will change your life.

Oh! this thread has irritated me because the OP seems to imply that her husband's job is so much more important that hers because he works out of home 50 hrs a week. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, so why do so many people believe and act as though one of the spouses' needs are more important than the other? Bringing in money is not the only important thing for a family to function properly! Meals need to be prepared. Laundry and cleaning have to be done. Moral and emotional support is essentiall, etc.

JoJoB

So your OH has one day out of 14 to have a bit of fun with his mates and relax after a 50 hour working week?

I don't see anything wrong whatsoever in that. But there is something wrong if you are not getting some "me-time" too. Think about what it is you'd like to do on a regular basis and then see what room there is in the budget to allow you to do it. Is there an evening course you've ever wanted to do? Off peak membership at a nice gym/spa can be as little as £25 per month and that could be a nice swim and jaccuzzi for you whenever you have the time.

If OH is spending so much on his fishing that you can't afford £25-£30 per month to do something for YOU then it is reasonable to ask him to drop one fishing day a month in my opinion. Fishing doesn't sound expensive on the face of it, but bait costs money, as does all the kit, petrol and beer!

Mips

I think its good for your partner to have hobbies to relax, working 50 hours a week to then have to deal with kids and chores at home would be frustrating constantly.

My husband plays golf, he is so enthusiastic about it (despite the fact, as he says, he is no good at it) its sweet

I don't mind, his golf trips are becoming more frequent as he is starting to enjoy it more and I also don't mind buying him good golfing equipment and clothes (no good walking round a golf course in inappropriate clothing).

The cost isn't important, its about him finding a balance between work/home life and he is happy to let me do any hobby I like.


I am certainly not jealous of his hobby - though I do find it irritating that the only ever time I actually really need to speak to him is when his phone is switched off for 4 hours :rotfl: