are you jealous of OH's hobby?

bubbles0169

ds2 has a party on saturday its not walking distance so his dad has to take us in the car which if is fine as its not next weekend when hes fishing!
if it was next weekend id have to ask the inlaws to take us
i obviously dont mind him having a hobby im just jealous and a little put out that he HAS to go every other weekend with his mates as theyve some kind of competition which you have to partake in every other weekend or your out
i rarely go anywhere as i cant afford it and i dont want to know how much it costs to go fishing as id probably go mad, but he earns it working for 50 hours a week
if i did turn around and say on the weekends hes home im going off on my own for hours on end i doubt itd go down to well
i wouldnt do it though as i see it as quality time with the kids
i said to him 'what you say goes when your fishing end of'
he said 'youre going out next week am i moaning about that?'
err excuse me when was the last time i went out with the girls and its for a hen night?
i dont go out every other weekend its hardly the same
ooh grrrr
any opinions? am i a moaner?

lindens

I think it's fair and reasonable for you to have a similar hobby that does not clash, and should be "allowed" to spend time away from the home, if applicable, following this hobby.
I think it's healthy for couple to have separate enjoyments otherwise your relationship is too one-dimensional.
Maybe you could find an evening class, or even if on wednesday evenings between 6-8 you go and meet your friend Jo/helen/Mildred whatever..no questions asked, same as his fishing.

blue_monkey_2

No you are not a moaner, you are letting off some steam, you are only human.

My husband does not have any hobbies at all and we rarely go out. I'd like to have a hobby but I would feel guilty about it as he earns the money.

But at the other time he is under my feet all the time, especially at the weekends, and it does get on my nerves.

I do not think there is a happy medium, i think someone will always think 'he/she does/spends/has more time/things than me', it is just healthy to have a vent about it rather than bottling it all up until you explode.

My friends and I talk about this all the time - you are really not alone. My friends hubby works all week and weekend then every evening he tends to be out as well. personally that would drive me nuts being stuck at home responsible for the kids.

And he will often say 'I am going to B&Q' and if I am in a mood (PMT, LOL) I'll say 'Oh, so who is looking after YOUR children today then'.

euronorris

How about joining him with the fishing? (if you haven't already tried) Fishing is a shared hobby for OH and I, but we don't get much chance to do it. And it can be expensive to start up, but gets cheaper after that (depending on the type of fishing and area).

You're just as entitled to a hobby as he is though! OH and I tend to arrange things for ourselves when we know the other has plans. But we don't have kids so it's easier for us to do this. If your OH insists on having this time to himself every other weekend, then you are also entitled to the same. You should put your claim in! lol. Just try to ensure that it also all works for the family.

bubbles0169

thanks peoples!
i cant really join him as its a men only thing and weve got two boys who would bound to get bored-as would i actually its just pond fishing so i dont see the appeal!
i dont know if id want to spend time away from them all either
i suppose we should start doing stuff away from the home all together really as at the mo we dont do any thing
its the costing money that stops me but it doesnt always have to cost does it?!
im really lucky that weve got beautiful countryside around us so we need to go and make use of that i think!
blue monkey we should scour the globe for frugal hobbies!

pinkshoes

On a weekend when he's not fishing with his mates, why don't you go fishing as a family? Then the following weekend, you can all do something you choose.

There's nothing wrong with you going out for a few hours to persue a hobby, and I'm sure your husband won't mind looking after the kids. It's only a few hours out of family time! If you're short of money, go window shopping, or for a long walk, or look round a free museum.

Do you not drive yourself?

GEEGEE8

I'm a football widow.. he has an Everton season ticket lol.

I found it very hard at first to be excluded, he goes with him mum.. I prob wouldn't have been so bad if it were his mates.. ha!

Anyhow, I supported him, didn't moan too much and now this season he wants to go with me to the football. I think as mum is now 61yrs old and doesn't want to spend £600 on the season ticket and I think she has made way for us to go together, which is great

Anyway, my point is that yes I was jealous of his hobby. I felt like I was boring as I wasn't passionate enough to go and do a hobby on my own. Then I thought of it and in the past I've had my scuba diving hobby and snowboarding that I used to go away for weekends and week long holidays with mates and the ex never minded at all. If the ex had kicked up a fuss I would have felt very hard done by.

Every other weekend is bad, but at the same time, would it be bad if it was work he was doing? I would make a point and go out on the weekend he is home lol..

euronorris

bubbles0169 wrote: »

thanks peoples!
i cant really join him as its a men only thing and weve got two boys who would bound to get bored-as would i actually its just pond fishing so i dont see the appeal!
i dont know if id want to spend time away from them all either
i suppose we should start doing stuff away from the home all together really as at the mo we dont do any thing
its the costing money that stops me but it doesnt always have to cost does it?!
im really lucky that weve got beautiful countryside around us so we need to go and make use of that i think!
blue monkey we should scour the globe for frugal hobbies!

Why is it a men only thing? Most places I've been fishing welcome women/girls as they are usually so rare. Just so long as they actually want to fish! lol

How old are the boys? If they are young then you're probably right, they'll get bored after an hour or so. But they should be more open to it from 10+.

If you want to spend time together as a family, why don't you set one evening a week, or have every other weekend as family time? Then have a look for loads of free/cheap things to do together? Ask hubby to get involved in choosing things too. You could even offer to have a family fishing trip somewhere else, somewhere close to a park in case the kids get bored etc, take a picnic etc.

euronorris

pinkshoes wrote: »

Do you not drive yourself?

Ohh, if you don't, how about learning? I know it's not cheap, but one hour a week will probably cost around the same as he spends on his fishing trips over the course of a month. Seems only fair! ANd will be hugely beneficial for the family as a whole!

euronorris

GEEGEE8 wrote: »

I'm a football widow.. he has an Everton season ticket lol.

My Dad and brothers would be very jealous of him!! lol

bubbles0169

ah geegee well!
his work put them onto a four day week if they worked more hours in the day now every friday which should be his day off they ask him to work and he says yes and that does my head in too as he could be spending it with me kid free as theyr at school or playschool for half the day!!!
thats the thing id love to make a point but id feel guilty:o

pinkshoes im scared of other drivers if i had a hummer you wouldnt stop me but anyway its just another expense isnt it? x

euronorris thats a lovely idea about the family fishing the boys are 3 and 9, OH's fishing is just a group of male mates
yeah we will look at other things to do i think, itl have to be a weekend as i work 5 nights a week xx