How much do your kids expect you to do for them?

dandy-candy

Thankyou so much for all the replies and hugs - very appreciated at the moment! Yesterday I pulled him up on his college application and expected a raft of excuses but incredibly he just got on with it and even took the form up to his old head of year to fill in the reference bit! I took your advice and spoke to my husband last night about needing him to back me up and give a united front on the whole chores bit and he agreed and then sheepishly offered to make dinner last night so hopefully he is getting the hint too.

euronorris

That's great! I'm really pleased for you!

xmaslolly76

Well done Dandy keep it up im sure things will improve now they know you wont be a doormat anymore :-)

jimbms

Nice one I hope this changes things for you, here is one last idea, let him read this thread so he can see for himself what others think.

pigpen

Dandy.. well done.. now the worst thing you can do is let up on them.. keep chipping away and hopefully these changes will last.. it isn't easy I know but it will make a massive difference to you..

Could you maybe agree that hubby cooks dinner one night a week for everyone (to start with) and DS cooks another night.. it doesn't have to be wonderful but a basic bolognese or whatever is easy enough.. there are loads of ideas for quick easy meals on the oldstye board. Maybe the days you are working or looking after your mum!

jimbms

I have to agree with Pigpen, all it can do is good, we brought our two lads up to be able to cook, iron, sew etc and it paid off, when in halls in uni they both offered to sort out the cooking as the rest in the corridor was useless, so they did the shopping and cooked for the other 5.......who were to stupid and to greateful that they got meals to realise that 5 of them was paying for the food for 6 also they both did a nice little line in charging for ironing and minor repairs which it seems the female members of the corridor required most. so they went through uni not having to pay for food and being able to make a good bit of beer money due to others being pampered at home.

Threebabes

webitha wrote: »

my kids also want you to be their mum, :D:D
my things are 11, 9 and 5 years, and their chores are
load and unload the dishwasher
set and clear the table
keep bedrooms clean including making their beds, (I redo them properly but i want an attempt made iyswim)/stripping beds and remaking them
help sort through the washing and put it on, as they all automatically put their wasing in the wash bin
put their ironing away
and thing 1 is starting to cook simple meals, and thing 2 is starting helping ironing obviously with me standing next to them and she is only ironing pillowcases and simple stuff like that
make their own snacks and drinks

but the way i look at it, they have to leave home sometime, so i am preparing them for adulthood, and im sure that my sons future wife/girlfriend/partner will appreciate the fact that he will be able to keep house lol


oh and they dont get pocket money for doing it as its their home too, i dont get paid to clean/wash and cook so why should they, anyway i buy them what they need and sometimes want

Im pretty much the same as you.

Mine are 14, 10 and 6.

14 yr puts bins and brings them in
theyve got to keep rooms tidy
if required, empty dishwasher
fill dishwasher with their dishes
keep their rooms tidy

If DH is washing car, they will help out and if hes doing DIY, DS helps out and he explains what he is doing.

I can imagine its hard to switch off doing everything for them when you are so used to it.

Going to show our 10 year old how to iron as well, shes desperate (strange child) to know.

heretolearn_2

oh yeah and stepsons do some chores when they come stay. Lay the table for dinner since they were about 6 years old. Pour the drinks for everyone at dinner since they were old enough not to spill stuff everywhere! Put their dirty crocks in dishwasher, and dirty clothes in laundry basket since they were about 8. And they enjoy helping! If you get the habit established early enough then you don't have such a fight on your hands to keep them at it when they grow out of finding it 'fun'.

The oldest (11) has just asked if he can do his own ironing! :-) Actually we said no, because their mum doesn't think that's old enough and if he went home with an iron burn we'd be in trouble, but fair enough. He can start in a couple of years, oh yeah!

So OP, if the younger ones are already helpful, keep it up. Don't let them start copying their older brother and slacking off. In fact, if they are doing things he is 'incapable' of doing, then use that to embarrass him into action.

rumncoke

I haven't read all the replies but enough to say I agree that the only way to change him is to stop doing everything for him.

From about the age of 15 my DS was cooking most of his meals & clearing up afterwards (didn't like eating at 6pm, preferred to eat later & my view was "eat as family or sort your own out), & doing his own washing (couldn't be bothered to put stuff in wash basket which I would have then washed with family stuff)

Got fed up of nagging about mess in his room & decided that as long as it didn't come past the door then it wasn't worth the effort. As long as I could shut the door then that was OK.

Now he is 19 & at uni. Maybe doesn't wash his clothes as often as I would like & he doesn't do as much cooking but at least I know he can do it. He is a typical student.

DD is 13 & starting to follow in his footsteps. Isn't yet doing own washing but in August she will be at home alone with DS for a week so I will be showing her before we go. Otherwise we will come back to find she is running out of clothes as I can't imagine DS doing her washing.

Please stop letting him get away with it. As others have said he needs to stand on his own 2 feet, otherwise he will still be expecting you to do everything for him at 30.

Savvy_Sue

DS3 had to learn about the washing machine when he was 13, I was in hospital for a week and he was doing a sailing course at school. I showed him how to use it before I went in, because he could work out for himself that leaving wet clothes in a carrier bag for a week wasn't a good idea, and DH is banned from using the washing machine after putting my best underwear in with his socks on a boil wash! DS3 carried on doing the family wash for several weeks after I was home, because I had to take things very easy.

That's the thing, at the times when you can't do things, really can't, they have to learn fast, and they cope fine! Just keep it up when things are easier ...