Buffy gets a life and budget Diary

Pippajo

Just promise us one thing hun, be completely honest with the doc about everything - not just work, but family life etc. I still say all your symptoms match DH so please tell them everything as one little missing bit may be the piece in the jigsaw puzzle for them.

x

beanielou

Good advice Buffy from Pip.
Hope you have had a good evening.

Happytogetdebtfree

Well done on making the appointment i think its what is needed, be good to yourself xxx

*Jellie*

I hope tha appointment goes ok and you feel better soon x

Firewalker

Hi Buffy, from a very sunny and hot place. Sorry to read that you have been feeling down and well done on booking an appointment with the doctor.

Buffy, may I also suggest that it might be worth you trying several things in the situation you mention above. These are:

1) Focus on you - do you believe? Yes, there is a point to continue doing what you have started because you are the most important person on this Earth - don't listen to anybody else.
2) Whenever your sister, or anyone else for that matter, is saying something that really irks you (or is about to) imagine them in a funny set up. I had a guy at work who used to annoy the socks off me - everytime I had to talk to him I would imagine him in a flamenco dress. It worked like a dream.
3) Find a pieceful place and stand up there; imagine a circle around yourself - a circle of bright lights; then imagine the lights going up and down around you; as they move you are filled with calm and confidence.
4) A long time ago (probably about 60 years or so) my grandmother had a spell of nerves and stress. She went to the doctor and he prescribed a very effective medicine - three spoonfuls of 'f*ck it' every morning. I have tested this medicine - it helps.
5) You can always ask your sister to leave - all this means is that she might not visit again; this might not be such a bad idea after all.

Look after yourself - and remember you have much better, more important and fulfilling things to do than bother with who said what. Repeat: I am a powerful woman in my prime and only wealth and happiness await me.

Firewalker

Buffythedebtslayer

Thank you for all the good posts ladies.

I think I am going to take a break for a bit. I can't seem to be very positive lately. When I first started here I was so driven and did do well for a while. I am nearly there, just under 7,000 in debt from 24,240 at the end of 2007. Plus I have saved up and paid for various things.

I am feeling bad tonight, last night I went out with my friend - she was great. I got quite upset about Dad and the state of my life not just the house but my future, I was glad I was with her. If I am honest I do feel I have wasted time and energy on things that are not truthfully for me or my choice(but who hasn't??). I know I have had a lot to deal with and in all honesty no one has walked in my shoes and I think I have done ok.

I am however tired of defending myself to one particular friend - who again tonight was trying with the best will in the world to get me to move out.

I appreciate people have a view of my choices. They really don't hold back in telling - nicely or rudely and clearly feel a great deal of pity for me. Frankly as well meaning as it is meant I really do want to turn round and say You know what I have made my choice and I will live with it, I am sorry if you don't want to support me or understand me but it doesn't actually change anything.

I don't want pity and sometimes I don't even want advice. It would just be good if my friends would listen without judgement and or stating the !!!!ing obvious. Especially when I work really hard at biting my tongue about the choices my friends make. I wish I could be so judgemental!

Also my posting here has gotten quite negative and I don't think it is a true view of me and my life. I don't talk about specific details for fear of being identified and I know that I juggle a great deal of stuff that I am proud of handling and I don't want to talk about it here as it is sensitive. Consequently I think people feel sorry for me here too and I do feel it doesn't help me. Its my own fault - teenage diaries have the same negative leanings - if I am busy and happy I don't have time to write!

Its funny many of my friends in real life (tonight's experience aside!) would consider me to be very capable and strong, I feel by spending so much time (and it really is hours!!) being passive just reading I am losing that part of me.

I am reading other people's diaries and always thinking oo I don't do that or I haven't done that much today. And the comparision is becoming depressing. At the end of the day this is an internet forum and whilst I have made some truly wonderful friends here it is not a substitute for real life. I need to make the effort in reality, move on, go out, make a life so that living here isn't so hard. And a big part of the problem is not my Mum who is a lovely person and a great Mum but that I sit on my bum on the internet for hours at a time and compare and get caught up in silly things.

Each holiday I spend hours reading and planning and then suddenly its back to the rat race, the hell on earth that is my job and nothing changes - not for long. My time is running out, I have been dancing to the same "one day" tune for so long now. Its like being washed up on the shore catching my breath and then being dragged out again - I have to use my time (hoilday) to build a boat!

For anyone new reading this who is thinking crikey this is a bit weird I am sorry - it is a great place I promise it will help you.

This site has absolutely changed how I look at debt, think about relationships and view things like work and careers. It is however only me who can actually change my life. I need to regain control and balance and stop negatively comparing myself to people who seem to achieve so much more and cope so much better.

So I thank you all so much for your help and support, I am going to bow out for a bit.

I have one life, I should live it.
See you all soon

Much Love

Buffy xxxxxxxxx

Pippajo

Take care hun, we don't feel sorry for you or pity you. We just worry (((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) It sounds like you have hit the bottom and the only way is up - sometimes that is what it needs and we are here for you when you get back, if you choose to, x

urg123

Hi Buffy,

I completely hear what you are saying - I too get really bogged down with Reading and keeping up withhdiaries sometimes and comparing my life and achievments to others!

Get back out there, enjoy the real world and enjoy the rest of your summer break but do remember that we are here to support you if you need it.

One thing though - don't lose sight of your debt-free goal and how that too will help change things for the better. You are so close hon!

Drop in with occassional updates!

Urg x x x

LouiseJ

I love you my friend, you write beautifully by the way.

You know how to contact me xx

beanielou

You know where I am too.
Love you lots.
Take lots of care xxxx