Making a molehill out of the mountain!

In_my_dreams

Thank you for your advice OH does know how worried I am about it all but then also I hate the confrontation that we have when we talk about debt so I try and avoid it as well - vicious circle. Part of me would rather control it so that I can deal with it and there are no rows?

Applied for a card, got a knock back, knew I would but hey ho nothing lost and we won't apply for another one until we have knocked at least £10k off the debt anyway.

Have found a perfect outfit for a wedding tomorrow all at no cost, may have to purchase some nail polish but that will be my only spend. I am even suggesting to OH that we take some vodka in a bag and he can just buy coke all night :rotfl:

So nothing has changed but I feel a little calmer - isn't life strange!

Hope everyone is having a good day x

MrsMoo2U

Morning IMD. I am just catching up and have read the last few posts. Macgirl seems to have your OH sussed. You know I worry constantly if I owe money, I think it is because I grew up in a family with no money so I have lived through times when we sat in the dark with no heating because the money ran out blah de blah de blah. My friend is the same. However both of our partners were brought up in very "middle class" families and neither of them ever had to think about money. Both have the same attitude to money, ie dont worry. As partners we both tend to just get on with the finances (like you keeping quiet) and so whilst they have food on the table and heating, light, clean clothes etc they dont actually comprehend the size of the problems. I think Hypno has a cracking idea about the sharp shock. If you think that threatening IVA etc is a step too far then why not think about something that is a shorter sharper shock to start with. Maybe if you let the food in the house run down and then confront him one night with I am sorry there is no tea for you, we have no money to go to the shops. They say that the way to a mans heart is through his stomach maybe its also the way to his brain cells! He clearly cares lots about you as in the last diary it came across that when you were at your lowest he stepped up to the mark and started checking spreadsheets etc. When he does this and you cheer up and rally he probably feels that you are ok now. Confrontation is horrible. I hate it but sometimes it is needed to move forward. I am sure that if he knew how badly you were feeling it would wake him up. I agree about maybe going to the Drs, you might not need medication but just the act of going to the Drs might also help OH to understand. I am sorry that you are feeling so down. Take one step at a time and you will get there. Sorry you were turned down for a card but at least you tried and for that you should be proud of yourself seeing as how hard it was for you.
Sorry for rambling on.

taxi73

I agree with taking the vodka...lol and well done on finding an outfit for nothing....

Good idea about waiting for a BT as no point in keep applying.

In_my_dreams

Thank you both, I know my OH does care but I suppose I am just trying to avoid confrontation with him. I asked him to ring the taxman up about the expenses and he sees it as me stressing him, I asked him if there was any news about his bonus and he said that I put him under pressure - he just doesn't understand what it takes to run a house and a bank account. I will try and speak to him at the weekend.

I don't feel as bad as I did the other night contributed a lot by sleep and the fact that I have to try and get things into perspective. I am not going through the trauma that you are Taxi, and that makes me very humbled, and at the end of the day I can pay the bills and there is still money in the bank - even though it is theirs :rotfl: This isn't being complacent but I know it could be worse and so I have to stop panicking and just keep plodding on with it. We allocate £70 a week spends, not everyone can do that and we need to budget better to stick to that so i should just feel lucky instead of self pitying!

In a way I am glad the card application was refused as it means I have to attack the highest cards and will keep me focused - even though I am not paying it off as quickly it is something to keep me on my toes.

Have the wedding this weekend, so it will just be petrol and soft drink cost and a run on Sunday which will be about £4 and am going to keep to our limits!

Happytogetdebtfree

I think until you let oh run the show he wont know i had to eventually say to oh look at the spreadsheets and look at the bank and makesure this this and this he then appreciated that if he doesnt co operate it doesnt run smoothly...... i always take my own booze its cheap as chips hehe so fill your boots :P and if your driving and stopping over fill the boot nip out as you need and retop up the bottle lol lol lol

macgirl

I agree Cherisong about your upbringing shaping your attitude to spending and debt, I owned up to that on my thread last night. The irony for me is that my parents came from nothing. And I mean nothing. My Dad's family were very poor. They have always had their own business and we were well looked after though not spoilt (we were brought up with a very strong work ethic). My Dad used to sniff "Hmm, you don't know what it's like to be hungry" and that is what has always driven him. They won't pay anyone to do something they can do themselves, they always look for the bargains and have no delusions of grandeur (despite living in a huge house with a flash car).

BUT, while my Mum could put Martin to shape with her thrifty ways, she loves to shop and always offered to "lend" me the money if I wanted something. So the credit habit started when I was still at school. That's why I'm ok with it. I have thought a lot about it and wondered what it would take to "shock" me into action......losing the house? That's about it. I'm an eternal optimist and always think it will be alright.

My husband though is more pessimistic. His Dad had a business and lost everything, they had to leave the family home and things were very bleak. So he has a very real fear of debt and things not working out the way you plan. His fear and worry is actually the no:1 thing that has curbed my spending and made me adopt more thrifty ways. I doubt I'll ever be a penny pincher, but fundamentally I'm better than I was.

Sorry for the hijack IMD :o:o I feel guilty for encouraging you to apply for a card, so sorry for that too. I wish I could change your OH. I'm sure at that level of debt I would feel the same as you - not him. I can identify with the stress of carrying the family finances and it's understandable that that can be overwhelming. Once you break it down and deal with one thing at a time you feel stronger, then life gets in the way and things can career our of control very quickly.

You are strong though and will get through this. We are all here for you until you do xxx

InaPickle

You know, I think the fear of being knocked back for a CC is actually worse than the real thing. I think now you've applied you know EXACTLY where you stand (and waht you need to do next). Would it be worth speaking to any of your current lenders to see about a lower transfer rate from another card to one of theirs? Give it a go, Jo!

As for you and OH, I understand not wantng rows, but will this feeling of having to deal with it essentially on your own not turn to resentment somewhere down the line? Might it be worth considering asking him to take over the debt stuff for a few months so that he understands the stress it puts you under? Just a thought...although I'm not married, never have been and any resulting divorce is SOOOO not my fault! :rotfl:

Best of luck, IMD. We're rooting for you!

In_my_dreams

Macgirl - don't feel bad for encouraging me to apply for a card, at least it's done now and it confirmed what I thought, and therefore as I often tell my Husband, I am always right :rotfl:

IAP - you are right, it was the fear of applying and now I've done it I feel fine about it - I am sure I can manage around the cards I have and it will all work out!

My OH was brought up by a family that coped with the money they had, my parents were always on the never never and still are I have spoke to my mum but she is not even worried that they don't have enough money to retire on so, as much as I love her, I won't get much useful advice from there.

We have however kept to budget this week and it's not looking like anything unexpected is going to crop up next week either. Spoke to my boss, I must not look good as she has suggested I take a few days off work when the kids are at school to have a rest :eek: I clearly need to apply my make up better.

I really am on the cusp of an amazing promotion at work as well, may not happen for a few months and won't necessarily mean big money but all this stress takes the shine off achieving something that I have worked 15 years for and that is a bit of a shame.

I have also decided upon an enterprising new diet - I am going to eat what I like and when, exercise and see if I can shift that stubborn 7lbs which is preventing comfortable jean wearing. I have tried to do WW points but I am just not moving and become obsessed with food and then eat loads at night. So I am on a 7lb challenge as well as a money challenge!

Oh and my other thing, as you may remember I cannot cope without my monthly wax but couldn't justify it at the moment much to OH's horror. So decided last month to invest in a small professional kit and did my first wax last night :eek: I was very scared but it has indeed given me a salon finish and I have saved £30, kit only cost me £60 so I will more than make my money back - so I actually think that is quite MSE of me as I only have to buy more wax and strips possibly once a year and they hardly cost, might even offer to wax friends and family for a fee

macgirl

I succumbed to a salon bikini wax before CP last week. the only appt they had was at 7pm after my Aunties Funeral. I was going to ask my Mum to watch them, but she was still at the do, so I took the kids.
Being girls of 4 and 5, they watched in awe - or "Oww!! Hahaha!" as little DD laughed after every rip :rotfl: I was mortified, so they went out in the waiting room after the first few strips.
I felt like I was giving birth in front of them - scarred for life!

Happytogetdebtfree

omg thats really made me laugh lol lol lets hope they dont repeat lol lol