Making a molehill out of the mountain!

In_my_dreams

Bless you all for thinking about me, things don't feel too bad tonight - went out straight from work to a club race and the whole family went. It's cheap to enter the races and the kids get looked after for free by the non runners. The kids have really become part of a running club family with everyone else and it has made me forget my problems for the evening.

Think my boss knows something is amiss as we went out for lunch today and he has mentioned getting me a company phone as I use my own - something I've never really thought about but that would save me £30 a month and that would obviously help things. Was so tempted to offload onto him but was too worried about what he would think.

I have looked at the RBS card and I think we could apply in OH's name as he earns more money but TBH I am scared of them saying no and me being fed up about it - I mean would you owe me money - I doubt it :rotfl:

I did have an unexpected spend at the pub but it has come out of the weekly budget and no cards used so that is ok. Have also been thrifty as we have a wedding at the weekend. OH was going to buy a new suit but we are getting one of his pair of trousers professionally mended instead and I am wearing things I already have. We have also cancelled the hotel room and one of us will drive - so making good decisions I think?

I really desperately want a good nights sleep, I went to sleep doing that silent crying last night and woke up tearful this morning. Someone posted that I sounded like I was alone in it all and I think that sums it up perfectly. I wish I was my OH as I know he doesn't spend his every waking hour worrying about it - in all honesty I can only describe myself as overwhelmed by the size of it and scared about the consequences - however I CAN do something about it and intend to.

So there.....................

Happytogetdebtfree

It's hard sometimes, but just look at it like this you are actively doing something about it the worst thing that can happen is you have to say pass on a night out to maintain the budget, you make sure everything is paid and you do a good job. Why not create a seperate current account for direct debits?? And set everything possible up that way to pay minimum payments, have the accou t your using now as a spends account so oh is not at detrement of overspending by accident have one card for direct debit account and you might rest easy knowing aslong as you have the diret debit amount in there you are not at risk of missing a payment :-) maybe that would help. I feel worried that you have sleepless nights, I don't like it... Chin up eh big hugs

InaPickle

In_my_dreams wrote: »

I really desperately want a good nights sleep, I went to sleep doing that silent crying last night and woke up tearful this morning. Someone posted that I sounded like I was alone in it all and I think that sums it up perfectly. I wish I was my OH as I know he doesn't spend his every waking hour worrying about it - in all honesty I can only describe myself as overwhelmed by the size of it and scared about the consequences - however I CAN do something about it and intend to.

IMD, you sound so sad that I think you should talk about it to OH and let him see how bad this all makes you feel. Cry. Properly (none of this silent nonsense) if necessary. Maybe when he realises how bad you feel he will try to shoulder some of the burden and do the things he can do to help. You shouldn't be trying to deal with this all alone. I remember in your other diary your OH getting very excited about paying off the debts and looking at the spreadsheets excitedly etc., but doing it on and off when he feels like it isn't going to cut the mustard: it's a long-term enterprise, and you need to try to get him on board for the long-term if possible, for the sake of your own mental health.

*Hugs*

taxi73

Hugs to you...feeling so sad and lonely xx Does your husband know how you're feeling?...it will get better over time but for now we have to deal with these feelings.Have you thought about seeing the GP and maybe getting some antidepressants?..they may help.

mrs_robinson_3

Hi IMD and thanks for your post on my diary.

I personally would try for the RBS card - 0% for 15 months would really help you along. I also find RBS a good bank and they've reduced their charges to £5 if you exceed any limits - not that I do now personally, but our joint a/c did, and to only pay £5 not the usual £28 was just great. Something will change somewhere along the line for you, for the better, so maybe for now you've just got to go with it - maybe you can't reduce the money you owe just now, but you're not adding to it, and if you can make all the minimum payments for now, hang in there and over time it will get easier.......sadly it's not a quick fix, but we know Hypno is nearly there, and I read of another woman who paid back £90k.... I would just like to be able to have a word with your OH though - silly boy, I want him to help you more with this.

Mrs R

hypno06

How about calling his bluff and saying you have been looking into an IVA or bankruptcy as an option because things have got so bad you can't see another way out.....you could even start getting house details for smaller houses on the basis that you might have to sell up to get out of a muddle.....? Perhaps the reality of that might make him take you more seriously.

Happytogetdebtfree

Hypno i like that plan devious but clever and just the kick up the bum he may need hehe

InaPickle

Happytogetdebtfree wrote: »

Hypno i like that plan devious but clever and just the kick up the bum he may need hehe

That's what I was thinking HTGDF, but didn't dare say it first!

I could almost feel sorry for OH, having IMD, Hypno, HTGDF et al. feeding IMD ideas on how to prod his buttocks!

Happytogetdebtfree

haha thank you in a pickle

macgirl

In_my_dreams wrote: »

in all honesty I can only describe myself as overwhelmed by the size of it and scared about the consequences - however I CAN do something about it and intend to.

So there.....................

That's the spirit! To avoid being overwhelmed, just take things one at a time. There's no harm in applying for another card - what's the worst they can say? If it's no, then you won't be any worse off. Well worth a punt I reckon

hypno06 wrote: »

How about calling his bluff and saying you have been looking into an IVA or bankruptcy as an option because things have got so bad you can't see another way out.....you could even start getting house details for smaller houses on the basis that you might have to sell up to get out of a muddle.....? Perhaps the reality of that might make him take you more seriously.

I remember you went through this with your OH a few months ago and I suggested exactly the same. I can identify with him though (I'm ashamed to say ). I am probably comfortable with debt, so I don't have the impetus to pay if off quicker than I am - because really, I could afford to if I knuckled down.

My OH on the other hand is NOT comfortable being in debt, he is very anxious about mine and it bothers him a lot. I think a shock is what your OH and I need, but then maybe like me, he'll get comfortable again.... I really do feel for you, hope you can get through to him. In the mean time stay positive xx