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Stalkerish behaviour or am I being OTT?
Comments
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Brighton_belle wrote: »
I know I may sound over the top but we women have a long history of feeling sorry for the loner nerdy guy and putting up with behaviour way beyond normal until it is too late.
Very true, and not just loner/nerdy guys either. Dangerous guys too.
I think all of us have an instinctual feeling when someone or something is "wrong", but we let our social conditioning over-ride our instincts out of politeness or "not wanting to make a fuss".
Don't ignore your instincts - OP please inform the police that this man is possibly cyber stalking you and don't ignore it and hope it'll go away.Love the animals: God has given them the rudiments of thought and joy untroubled. Do not trouble their joy, don't harrass them, don't deprive them of their happiness.0 -
This isn't stalking.
It's surprising what you can find out with a bit of persistence, some imagination, a little bit of information and google.
I had lost touch with my 'bridesmaid' of 30 years ago and set out to find out what had happened to her. I knew her mother and brother's names, where she went to school and a few other bits and bobs. It took me a couple of hours (she's married and changed names about three times) but I found her. Not only did I find her but I found out about huge chunks of her life - I even saw photos of weddings, christenings, newspaper reports, her contributions to various forums, her obituary and even the row and plot number of her grave.
I've even had people mention past escapades of my own. They had googled me and found references to me in newspapers, conferences and other work-related reports, nothing more. It's a bit unnerving - and that's why I don't have a Facebook presence or share photos online.
Some people do this sort of trawling for a living - journalists, writers, researchers, debt collection agencies, job recruitment agencies, government bodies and so on.
I can understand that you may feel uncomfortable about his scouring the internet looking for you - and when he couldn't find you he did the same as I did. He found you via your family's internet activity. It's not as if he has contacted you or bothered you - you met him when you were near to his house and you appeared on his screen when you signed into MSN. A stalker acts on the information they receive, they don't politely stand on the side-lines until you appear.
I would ignore him and lessen the likelihood of contact by signing off MSN for good.0 -
This isn't stalking.
It's surprising what you can find out with a bit of persistence, some imagination, a little bit of information and google.
I'm just wondering if you think bypassing a password-protection to get into a photographer's secure storage area is just persistence?
It may be that he's just extremely curious and so enthusiastic about computery stuff that he doesn't realise where Too Far actually is (a fair ways behind him...) but it's definitely too far to repeatedly bring up intimate things about the OP's life to her that she's not discussed with him.
FWIW, I have a fairly obvious online presence because it's part of my job to have one. People often come to me at conferences and say, Hey, you went to X University, didn't you? or You're working on Y at the moment, aren't you? How's that going? That's a whole different ballgame from I hacked your wedding photos, and how's the cancer?Organised Birthdays and Christmas: Spend So Far: £193.75; Saved from RRP £963.76
Three gifts left to buy0 -
Brighton_belle wrote: »I know I may sound over the top but we women have a long history of feeling sorry for the loner nerdy guy and putting up be behaviour way beyond normal until it is too late.
I think that is very true. When I got stalked I almost felt sorry for the guy because he was clearly socially unskilled and I just thought he was a loner. When I went to the police they told me he had tried to sexually assault the previous woman he had stalked. I would never have believed it because he had never seemed the violent type.
Do you know any guys who could make their presence felt? I don't mean threatening him, but just some people you could be seen with? My stalker kept turning up to my workplace and my boss and the caretaker when outside and had a word with him. They didn't threaten him or anything. They just told him his behaviour was not on and that they would be keeping on eye on him. It did help, but mainly because he wasn't as persistant as some stalkers. I got the impression he just went from woman to woman.0 -
Kay Peel - maybe you have stalker tendencies? I will admit to googling people , facebook possibly 192.com, but not to the extent that you have. I suppose that it is what you do with the information that makes one a stalker or not. IMO the way he is saying things is odd, but once contact is resumed do you not stop hacking accounts and googling that is part of what is odd.0
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That 123people is creepy! I've just put my name in there and it comes up with alsorts! There's a photo of me on my wedding day, details of friend's I've sponsored through justgiving, newspaper articles, competition wins and other stuff!0
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mrbrightside842 wrote: »That 123people is creepy! I've just put my name in there and it comes up with alsorts! ..../QUOTE]
All I found about me was a very old Amazon list.
My daughter's name was interesting, they had her down as 65 & living with 3 totally unknown people! (we already knew about her college & music stuff that showed up).
DS2's name had him possibly living in Dorset, attending an Anglican church pilgrimmage in the Midlands & rowing in Australia - not bad for a WW2 veteran! Good luck to the snooper who can sort that out.I can cook and sew, make flowers grow.0 -
You can take your pc or laptop into a computer repair shop and ask whether there's a keylogger on it. It's quite easy to find most of them.
You could update your virus protection and go for good anti-spyware protection which will stop anyone spying on your internet activities.
If you have computer technicians at work, they will be able to do this for you.0 -
What strikes me most is the way he speaks to you. Most people would say, 'I saw you the other day in town - your hair looks lovely.' Or, 'Are you OK? Your dad said you'd had a cancer scare.'
Most people don't just come out with something they know about you without saying how they know it - he sounds like he has very few social skills. Was this always apparent?
Have you kept the text copies of your MSN conversations?0 -
That's not normal, hope you can sort things out.0
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