Stalkerish behaviour or am I being OTT?

Paisley_3

Thanks for those links! I have searched both my married and maiden names and nothing comes up for me so I have done a good job of 'hiding' on the internet

I guess all I can do is be extra vigilant with my personal security on and offline, as people have said he might be harmless but in this day and age (and I'm sad to say this) you simply can't be too careful.

He doesn't have any learning or social difficulties I know of (we went to school together), he's fairly quiet and a bit maudlin. When he saw me out shopping he just said my name quietly, not 'wow its nice to see you' or any of that. Maybe he does have a few social issues, nevertheless. I don't wish him any harm but I really don't want to talk to him again, he creeped me out, but in not talking to him I want to be 100% sure he isn't finding out about me in some other way. Luckily I don't think he can now.

melancholly

block him as a contact on msn. you can block without deleting so he doesn't need to know if you're nervous about how he'd react....

i've certainly looked up old friends/flames online - never found out much mind - but i would never tell the person i'd done that. it would be very very odd! this is not normal or socially acceptable behaviour.

memelalou

Just a though but since he hacked the photographer website, could he be hacking into you work and personal email and getting things like you whereabout and hair from there.

Hermia

I would definitely take this seriously as he has crossed the line. This is not an innocent bit of googling. I had a similar problem a couple of years ago. I found out that a guy was not only trying to find out information about me online, but also my parents. I even found out that he was complaining to a friend about the fact that he couldn't find my address or my parent's address. I later discovered that he had been banned from approaching another woman he had previously stalked.

One thing to think about is how you speak to this guy. I told my stalker that I felt his behaviour was inappropriate and wanted him to stop, but I said it in a polite and friendly way as I didn't want to appear rude (typical female!). The police told me off as they said this type of man won't listen to the words, but will see my friendly manner and smile as a sign that he is still in with a chance.

KittyKate

So this guy has-

Admitted to spending hours searching for you online
Hacked a photographer's website to see photos of you
Told you he pin pointed where you'd moved to based on the background of the photos
Created a dummy Facebook account to search for you
Says he knows what your house looks like
Knows you've had your hair cut
Has searched your dad on the internet

....when you put it in a list, alarm bells ring even louder. Has he done anything else which looking back could be seen as creepy/stalkery? What do your mutual friends you went to school with think?

Paisley_3

Yes I agree when you put it in a list it sounds awful - but it happened over 18 months so in the scheme of things you just don't realise (well I didn't until recently).

The people who I know who knew him at school would barely recognise him now, I don't think any of them stayed in contact with him. At the time they just thought he was quiet, a bit of a loner, as did I.

Looking back yeah there are some other bits and bobs, like, he found out what my (old) car reg was (I don't know how, unless Google street view accidentally showed it for a bit because I know there were complaints about that) and then brought up it's value and started telling me about it.

I posted on a medical forum (no personal information whatsoever) asking for advice as I was having a cancer scare. He sent me a message 'how's the 'cancer'' (it was OK in the end I had a cyst). But I don't know how he knew that was me and it is certainly not something I would ever have posted elsewhere. I am a bit scared he is reading this, even.

He knew by the file dates on the photos he saw where I was, when (not the uploaded date but you can see on a photo somehow when it was taken). He would then Google the places and say 'how was <name of particular thing at the place>, it looks nice'. He knew I'd been to a particular place when all the photographer had posted was the side of the building, no names of it - it must have taken this guy ages to pin point it.

I think maybe he's a bit of an internet spy wannabe.

Annisele

I debated whether or not to suggest this - on the grounds that it might freak you out further - but it might help to read Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear. It's a bit American, but it has a chapter on "what to do if you're being stalked".

The cancer thing makes the alarm bells start screaming - have you been to the police about this guy yet? I wouldn't call him an "internet spy wannabe"; I'd just be scared. It absolutely makes sense that you would want to rationalise that away - frightened isn't a fun state to be in - but I think you need to go to the police.

Hermia

Annisele wrote: »

I debated whether or not to suggest this - on the grounds that it might freak you out further - but it might help to read Gavin de Becker's The Gift of Fear. It's a bit American, but it has a chapter on "what to do if you're being stalked".

That book is fabulous. I think every woman should read it. He talks a lot about not dismissing your fears because you think they are silly or don't want to appear rude.

patchwork_cat

Earlier I said maybe he is just a bit bored or lonely, but TBH no this has gone beyond a casual google and the fact that he is saying how was.... is odd. On the cancer forum did you use your real name or a user name? Apart from that it is just odd you wouldn't just say how is the cancer. If for example I had come across something like that and was talking to the person I would say - how are you,everything OK? and wait for them to tell me about the cancer scare.

The problem is when does this stop being soemone who is lonely and wants to reconnect with friend and when does it become weird and stalkery? We probably all have different definitions of what is OK and maybe some might say even friend requests to someone you haven't seen in a while are weird (I don't think so), but I think he has overstepped the mark.

GobbledyGook

Paisley it sounds to me like he's hacked or hacking your emails. When you signed up to the medical website it probably sent you an email with your username.

If he is able to do this, then yes he could be reading this. He could also know about everything you discuss in email, where you do your banking etc absolutely everything you do on your computer.

Please, please consider going to the police. I've worked with stalking victims and the first thing the majority of them say was "I just thought he was a wee bit lonely, he seemed like a nice guy". He sounds like he's being quite blunt about letting you know he is searching things and he will keep on doing it until he gets the reaction he wants.

It may be nothing sinister, but he is doing something to get access to your details. You may go to the police and it may turn out to be a wee bit of an infatuation that has got out of hand. However you may go to the police and they may know that you are not the first. Please protect yourself by making the authorities aware of this and getting proper professional advice on how to keep yourself, and your details, safe from this man.

Gemma x