Stalkerish behaviour or am I being OTT?

patchwork_cat

Paisley wrote: »

I know that in all likelihood he is harmless but you know..when things like this happen you feel a bit creeped out. But thanks for your replies, I am going to delete off my Facebook and save the photos to my hard drive, I have Googled myself and my family and can't see anything, he is quite persistent though. I had my hair cut quite short about a week ago and he mentioned it in the converstation - but I haven't got any short hair photos online nor have I told anyone that I've had it cut, the only people that have seen it is my little office, parents, inlaws and hubby. So how does he know?

You have had reservations about this person before this, haven't you? Yes the shorthair is a bit odd - do you think he is stalking you in real life.

It is a bit of a challenge - what can I find out about this person and some people seriously you can find out loads, it is scary. It is just interesting, but he does sound like he has taken it too far. There was a thread not long away where someone found their dad they hadn't seen in years, so sometimes it is useful.

Paisley_3

Yes I do and I have taken action - but some of the posts on here indicate that many people search out others in a non stalker way. So maybe the line he has crossed is that he has told me? Personally I don't search out people online, I have put a few old friends names into Facebook so yeah I suppose on that level I do actually but I I'd never spend hours searching on the internet or even really know how.

He hasn't got a Facebook himself, he said he set up a dummy account to search for me but I'm not on there (well I am but hidden). He says that it's not safe.

As for the hair thing - yes we live about 90 miles apart now. I have been back to visit my mum and dad, I'm wondering whether he saw me from afar? It's not that he knows (I mean, having your hair cut is hardly a secret) it's that he says it like 'I notice you've had your hair cut. What made you do that', when he knows I haven't seen him. I guess if he said it like 'oh I saw you in <city> the other day - have you had you hair cut?' would have creeped me less.

And yeah, if this was a girl, hacking sites to get at my personal photos, I'd be freaked but I am a *tad* more so because he is a boy (sorry if that offends any men).

Cool_Username

To be honest if you weren't freaked out by this situation I think there'd be something wrong with you. You've done the right thing my taking action.

patchwork_cat

Yes agree it is odd he is telling you and how he phrases it.

Tropez

Paisley wrote: »

As for the hair thing - yes we live about 90 miles apart now. I have been back to visit my mum and dad, I'm wondering whether he saw me from afar? It's not that he knows (I mean, having your hair cut is hardly a secret) it's that he says it like 'I notice you've had your hair cut. What made you do that', when he knows I haven't seen him. I guess if he said it like 'oh I saw you in <city> the other day - have you had you hair cut?' would have creeped me less.

And yeah, if this was a girl, hacking sites to get at my personal photos, I'd be freaked but I am a *tad* more so because he is a boy (sorry if that offends any men).

I'm a male and I take no offence at that.

It is of course possible he happened to glance you from afar as you say and noticed you cut your hair. I don't really know what the likelihood of this is. His poor phrasing of his question might simply be due to social awkwardness and he doesn't realise that what he is saying could be alarming to you given you haven't seen him.

I fully understand why you find this disconcerting. It isn't uncommon for people to Google others and people don't necessarily have a nefarious motive for doing so but there is certainly a string of odd behaviour here and I think you are right to be wary at the very least.

Gazing_On_Sunsets

If he is Aspergers or autistic at all, then though his intentions may be well meaning, his phrasing, and his manner of making contact could seem odd. His sentences might jar or come across as wierd when he didn't mean it. He also might not know that what he is doing is OTT. You would need to be very clear as to WHAT behaviour is odd and how it makes you feel.

GobbledyGook

I was reading your posts and thinking he was a bit OTT, but probably harmless. However the comment about you having your hair cut changes the situation imo.

He probably is entirely harmless and just seen you in passing. However I think you really need to have a chat with your local police office because if he is following you or stalking you offline as well as on then it needs to be dealt with.

Put it this way if you speak to the police and they speak to him chances are he'll either a) be mortified that he has worried you and be deeply apologetic or b) be in a huff, and let's be honest you don't see him so will that be a great loss? At least if he has any previous of doing this or doesn't realise he is spooking you it'll come out.

I've looked for old friends on Facebook, it's part of the fun of it. however I've never Googled them (apart from 1 who I was told was in prison and I was curious why lol) or looked at their house on Street View. There are boundaries and when people cross those boundaries you need to look after yourself first and foremost.

Gemma x

ali-t

Have you checked on PIPL (pipl.com) what info is available online for you? I checked mine tonight and found there is an amazon wishlist for me amongst other things. I can't even get into the wishlist to delete it and have tonight deleted the final social networking site that I was registered on.

nicter

Check to see if you come up on 123 people dot com. Also if he has your email address or telephone number google that too as that will often bring up details of you

Brighton_belle

GobbledyGook wrote: »

I was reading your posts and thinking he was a bit OTT, but probably harmless. However the comment about you having your hair cut changes the situation imo.

I feel exactly the same - that creeped me out when he made reference to your very recent haircut. He has crossed a line and the fact he is letting you know what he knows maybe part of the 'fun' and power games.

I know I may sound over the top but we women have a long history of feeling sorry for the loner nerdy guy and putting up be behaviour way beyond normal until it is too late.

Please check this out with the police for advice. And make sure your dad isn't somehow tricked into revealing info :' oh hi, I'm an old friend of your daughters' and then sharing so much info about you, your dad believes him and passes on your address.

He may just be very lonely -but that isn't your responsiblity, sorry.