Children & contact with ex's partner

Soubrette

izzybusy23 wrote: »

Hi there; divorce filed for yes; but he says I can wait 2 years for it.. so not too sure on where to go next with that.

If he won't admit adultery then you are left with unreasonable behaviour.

I just needed to be assured that 4 months was still too early really for my DD to meet ex's new partner.

Thanks

To be fair, that is up to him imo.

Sou

izzybusy23

Soubrette wrote: »

If he won't admit adultery then you are left with unreasonable behaviour.

Yes; I know, but he says I can wait two years; so I guess unreasonable behaviour it is..


To be fair, that is up to him imo.


Sou

I know I can't stop him introducing DD to new partner, I just personally think its a little bit too early on, especially as ex won't actually admit he is with this other woman, I've only been told that they are an item from one of his work mates.. I just wish we could get to a mutual standing ground; be honest with one another and take it from there. I wouldn't probably feel so anxious then.

gonzo127

izzybusy23 wrote: »

I know I can't stop him introducing DD to new partner, I just personally think its a little bit too early on, especially as ex won't actually admit he is with this other woman, I've only been told that they are an item from one of his work mates.. I just wish we could get to a mutual standing ground; be honest with one another and take it from there. I wouldn't probably feel so anxious then.

well then write him a letter/email about all your concerns so he can have a bit of time to digest the contents and also ask if you can meet up for a coffee to talk over things,

i would personally say go to a coffee shop as you will more than likely find yourselves less likely to start an arguement in public than you would if he came to your house,

SandC

My friend has never met her ex's partner and they split about 8 years ago or something like that. Their split was down to his philandering ways and falling for this woman. They are not what you could call friends but both of them have always done 'the right thing' by the children.

She knows that no harm will come to her kids when they are with their father. He has young twins with the new woman as well and the arrangement works but only because my friend has never voiced her thoughts to him or the children on his behaviour. That's what friends are for!

I would insist on contact numbers and address though.

Soubrette

izzybusy23 wrote: »

I know I can't stop him introducing DD to new partner, I just personally think its a little bit too early on, especially as ex won't actually admit he is with this other woman, I've only been told that they are an item from one of his work mates.. I just wish we could get to a mutual standing ground; be honest with one another and take it from there. I wouldn't probably feel so anxious then.

My ex bought a £130 phone for my daughter when she was 11 :eek:

He used to take them both swimming on a school night when they were both below 10 and have them back home and in bed for 10pm :eek:

These are things that are fundamentally against my views of what a parent should do, he's always tried to be more a mate than a Dad imo. I expressed concerns about these things (and others) he listened and ignored me.

Both children are happy and reasonably well balanced teenagers.

I understand you are anxious for your daughter but you are going to have to trust your ex to continue being a good enough Dad and that he will, like the rest of us parents, sometimes do a brill job and sometimes be quite poor.

Nothing wrong with expressing concerns if you are in that type of relationship but I found it a waste of time with regards to change of behaviour if not actually making him more stubborn about things.

Sou

clairec79

If he thinks you are seeing someone else maybe you could approach it as a joint parenting decision 'I don't think it's a good idea for either of us to introduce DD to a new partner until we are sure things are serious, maybe after 6 months of a relationship, how does that sound to you?' if you get him to agree (thinking it will stop you putting a new father figure in her life) he's at the point where he either admits the relationship (and if he says it's 6months thats agreeing to adultery) or waits several months longer

jimbms

It seems eveyone is arguing what each other wants and how unreasonable each party has been with regard to who they are seeing. Why not just for once stop moaning about each other and put the kids feelings first, it's not their fault what happened, so stop being so petty and using them to score points with each other, a child has a right to have regular contact with both parents unless on is harmful to them, so stop squabbling, get a grip and put the children first.
Just to point out I am not saying this out of any bitterness as we have been married for 27yrs and still very much in love with each other (often to the disgust of our grown up kids , revenge is great).

izzybusy23

clairec79 wrote: »

If he thinks you are seeing someone else maybe you could approach it as a joint parenting decision 'I don't think it's a good idea for either of us to introduce DD to a new partner until we are sure things are serious, maybe after 6 months of a relationship, how does that sound to you?' if you get him to agree (thinking it will stop you putting a new father figure in her life) he's at the point where he either admits the relationship (and if he says it's 6months thats agreeing to adultery) or waits several months longer

I tried that one!! Everything is fine for a while, then he either builds up the scenario in his head that I am with someone again, or he is getting pressure from the other party. The last thing I need in my life is a new man; I have enough on my plate and I don't know where he thinks I've got the time to meet someone either.

Maybe mediation is the answer.

izzybusy23

jimbms wrote: »

It seems eveyone is arguing what each other wants and how unreasonable each party has been with regard to who they are seeing. Why not just for once stop moaning about each other and put the kids feelings first, it's not their fault what happened, so stop being so petty and using them to score points with each other, a child has a right to have regular contact with both parents unless on is harmful to them, so stop squabbling, get a grip and put the children first.
Just to point out I am not saying this out of any bitterness as we have been married for 27yrs and still very much in love with each other (often to the disgust of our grown up kids , revenge is great).

I am thinking about my child.. I really think after just 4 months its too early to be meeting her dad's new partner, and it doesn't help that he won't admit to who he is seeing, so I am not sure who my daughter will be with when she is with him (although everything points to it being the woman I think it is). I am not stopping her having contact with her dad.

seven-day-weekend

Just to add I have no experience of this whatsoever, (married for 39 years to the same man who is also my son's father) so will go with my gut feeling.

I would not want my child at that age to meet the 'other woman' unless they had a relationship of at least a year's duration or they were married (because getting married shows more commitment and anyway she would be his wife not just 'a girlfriend'). Certainly not if I did not know who she was.

However, I would want my child to have a relationship with his father. So maybe they could met on neutral ground, such as a relative's or friend's house, or maybe the girlfriend could visit her own family on that day?

Obviously of course the ex would have to agree to this. Maybe if you show him how uneasy it makes you feel, and why, he would agree?

I would not want a young child to go ANYWHERE where I had no address and no means of contacting them.