Weekly Flylady Thread 31st May 2010

Valli

if you have a child

your life is never your own
your body is never the same (not that mine was much to start with)
you will enjoy coffee cold if at all
walk around with alsorts of carp in your bag and are never without wipes and tissues
be vomited/weed/pood on frequently
going ANYWHERE requires massive planning - you will never 'just nip' anywhere again.
have to pack for EVERYONE you're going on holiday with
you will be AMAZED at the qunatity of liquid a child can regurgitate
toilet paper will vanish
you will be required to serve dogbones for tea (hot dogs;))

the day they play with the toothpaste and use it all up will be the day BEFORE you were planning to get some more
You will find a box under a pillow. It will contain worms/spiders/ladybirds and anything else you don't like

You might as well stand in a shower and tear up £20 notes for half an hour
one day a small child belonging to you will get his/her hands covered in ice cream. You (ie me) don't like ice cream. The tissues/wipes you ALWAYS carry will be elsewhere. The quickest way to clean this child up will be to lick hands clean yourself because the child will suddenly refuse to lick itself clean.
One day you put your tot down for his afternnon nap. Within half an hour the tot will wake up and wail. Loudly and at such a pitch that you KNOW something is wrong. As you ascend the stairs you are met by an unmistakeable aroma.

You now have a choice. What do you clean first - the baby, the cot (which also needs changing now) or the wall. You will curse the nappy....

Your preschooler has a friend round. They decide to play upstairs. half an hour later they come down with a empty cream pot (big Nivea pot it was) They have covered EVERYTHING in the bedroom - duvet, pillows, carpet, furniture.. Ignoring the mother of the other child you give BOTH boys a telling off, a handful of paper towels and take them to wipe it all up, ignoring their sobs...

Your toddler will happily pee in a potty/on the loo but will require a nappy to poo in. He will say he is tired, get a nappy, do a poo and then run around for half an hour. The fact that he wont use the potty is your fault according to your husband who is clearly Dr Spock.

You take your toddler and new baby to town in a old fashioned pram. The toddler sits on a seat above the pram. You have one hand on the pram handle. the toddler driops somethign, leans over to get it, upends the pram and smashes into the floor. You lift up the pram and soothe the screaming toddler. Eventually he shuts up enough for you to attend to the baby which has slid to the end of the pram (and its out of sight) You 'pull' the baby into view to the amazement of two elderly ladies who didn't realise there was a baby in the pram.

Some of these are actual things that happened to me. Except for the box of worms. That WAS me!


Greenbee stop here...


You have a note in a jewelry box

it says 'I love you mummy'

you have a plastic plant pot in your bedroom filled with oasis and dried and plastic flowers. there is a plant tag on it. The tag bears the inscription 'bowkay'

I cleaned the child first. He had to be bathed...he was clealry channelling the H block protesters on THAT day...it was everywhere and it was a hot day and it dried up amazingly fast, necessitating much scrubbing.

pigpen

Valli.. you missed some off.. you become immune to ALL bodily functions and fluids.. apart from one which will be thrown at you from every angle possible over the next 1000 years!

I only have cold tea if I forget to drink it.. I very rarely do that!!!

I rarely take a bag out.. if I do it contains.. my lip balm, my phone and my purse.. and means I am wearing something without pockets!

We found a tub under the bed several time containing snails.. and lots of them!

DD5 ate DD4's poo

While immensely pregnant with DD4... DS2 managed to vomit from the top of the stairs to the bottom in one projectile episode.... I carefully manoevred my way to the bathroom with him tucked under one arm... another one, half asleep followed me down and did a mountain of vomit on 1 stairs about 5 from the bottom.. 2 children dumped in the bathroom... a third child wandered down for a wee and stood screaming on about the 5th stair.. ankle deep in a pile of vomit....

At this point I burst into tears, rang KH to come home and deal with it while I was a blubbering wreck in the garden.. at 1am....

By the time he got home DD1 had vomitted over the side of her high sleeper onto the bedroom floor COVERED in toys!

Valli

and if your child has an 'odd' bruise you will be interrogated by teachers at his/her school.

you are GRATEFUL if they black their eyes AT SCHOOL because you now know the interrogation won't happen...

(that's my boy!)

greenbee

Thanks Valli & Pigpen...

you're going to need to keep this up for a while I suspect

vanilla

Toodler years of dirty protests, OH thought i had given them chocolate and that they had smeared it over the window......no it was poo and all three joined in......

The smell in the boys room for ages that smelt like something had died, after much looking we found that DS1 had been peeing down the pipe on the bunkbeds.......

Yuck and Yuck

nannyboo1

Bank Holiday Monday ~ Bits of not very much!
Level One
• Wash the manky windows you have ignored every week it has been on the extras!
Level Two
• Get your spreadsheets/budgeting/insurances etc up to date.
Level Three - Done
Extras - Done
Daily Extras - Done

Tuesday ~ Living room, hall and stairs!
Level One - Done
Level Two
• Clean fire and surround
Level Three
• Wash front door both sides!
Extras
• Clean the car inside and out get the minions to help (or do it for you!)
• Empty and tidy out a grotty cupboard!
Daily Extras - Done

Wednesday ~ Bedroom & Landing
Level One - Done
Level Two - Done
Level Three - Done
Extras
• Wash any curtains that need doing
• Clean the windows
Daily Extras - Done

Thursday - Bathroom and Study
Level One - Done
Level Two
• Clean/vacuum the floors
• Shine the bath, bog, basins etc
Level three
• Clean the germs off the telephone, keyboard, mouse, monitor, sockets and switches
• Sparkle the mirrors, screens and windows in these rooms
Extras - Done
Daily Extras
• Do shopping list

Friday – Craft Room and Playroom
Level One
• Vacuum the floor, even if it's just where you can see
• [STRIKE]Spend at least half an hour doing something for yourself!!!!! paint your nails, make an appointment to have your hair done, a lovely soak in the bath.. whatever you feel like!![/STRIKE]
Level Two
• Clear away anything that isn't in it's place, clothes, toys, books etc
• Dusting all those shelves and flat fluffy surfaces!! Don’t forget the light shade and curtain pole!!!
Level Three
• Sort through a cupboard/chest of drawers and get the clothes out which are no longer wearable, too small or out of season!
• Wipe any sticky marks off walls and doors
Extra
• Wash a set of curtains, nets, duvet or throw
• Wipe the radiators, skirting and window & door frames!
• 30 minutes ironing you love me & you know it!
Daily Extras
• [STRIKE]Shine bathroom sink
• Shine kitchen sink
• Clean landing hotspot
• 15 min declutter[/STRIKE]
• Go shopping
• [STRIKE]LOL - White wash 1/dry
• LOL - Coloured wash 1/dry
• Pick up magazines[/STRIKE]

Other Stuff
• Our bedroom windows
• Turn little bedroom into a craft room
• Plant runner beans
• Plant lettuces
• Plant radishes
• HHE x 1
• HHE x 1
• HHE x 1

Gary’s Jobs
• Baby Toys from loft
• Fan from loft
• Get wash line up
• Suitcases into loft
• Hook on shed door[/QUOTE][/QUOTE][/QUOTE]

nannyboo1

greenbee wrote: »

Thanks Valli & Pigpen...

you're going to need to keep this up for a while I suspect

And don't forget that when they become teenagers lots of door slamming form the girls lol. I am forever broody but going to see my friend who has a teenager daughter makes me come home not so broody

My neighbours daughter has already started and she is only 8.

greenbee

Why am I providing online support too TWO friends who are trying to make christening cakes? Why don't they just ask me to do them instead? Or at least get me over to help them...

cyclingyorkie

and if you have girls - Aunt Flo will occasionally co-ordinate and all of your cycles will be parallell! In this house thats 3 lots of PMT!

Any men will need a shed to escape to/live in - delete as appropriate!

When DD1 was about 3 my mum was visiting - she woke up from her nap and sat on my knee - and threw up all over me! My mother screamed and asked why I didn't put her down.......mind you my mother - on meeting her first grandchild at 3 days old picked her up and promptly wartned her not to be sick on the cashmere sweater she was wearing.....

cyclingyorkie

And teenagers will discover alcohol/cigarettes/sex/drugs etc. - a whole new (metaphorical) can of worms!

DS is out for an 18th tonight and has been warned not to come home paralytic on the grounds his dad is stressed cos grandad is going into hospital next week for a biopsy on his lung - not good news.

And if he throws up like he did last time ...well my next post will be from somewhere secure - and probably padded too!