Wake-up Call Challenge

LuckyBiscuit

Im planning on doing my hommework in the next couple of day's

OH is home now for 6-8 weeks after his op today and we have said we are going to spend some of that time discussing plans, goals etc for our future, plus some romantic day's out!!!!!

Dragon im so sorry ur feeling rotten and anyone else, sending hug's

Love to all..................

Buffythedebtslayer

Craftyscholar wrote: »

You mean I am not the only one?

Seriously, that is probably the thing that would make the biggest difference to my life if I could sort it out.

Avoiding things you don't want to do I can understand, but wasting time when there are things you do want to do makes no sense.

Just dropping by ben busy at work and as normal *me* stuff is getting left behind. I mananged some decluttering, but I am just surviving tbh. am ok but I know nothings changing if you see what I mean.

I think I do that thing too(underlined) but I think I do it cos some how I will screw up and it won't be right - I also think I am so used to living this panicky stressed existence that I don't believe there is an alternative, and even if it is it is not for me?

xxx

Buffythedebtslayer

Forgot to say hugs for Dragon xxxx and anyone else who needs, hope all is well xx

Lemon_Tree

you may regret offering elantan, just finding out if OH is working this weekend, if he is i'll have time to myself to work on it.

Buffythedebtslayer

I just wanted to drop back and say that I did a lot of thinking tonight, I have come to the conclusion that I am very angry with my sister for various reasons. I have been waiting for her to step up, but she hasn't. I feel horribly responsible and do resent her lack of help - despite my asking, trying to persuade and finally just leaving things to see if she decides enough is enough. In the last year I have even tried to rebuild some kind of relationship with her but to no avail.

This is because I was brought up to believe (as was she) that family were important and in many ways central to your life. She doesn't appear to think so and I simply cannot understand how that is - she is or seems to be so selfish. Why can't she see?

I am not blaming her for all my problems (dammit I gave it a good try tho!) but these thoughts came from me not wanting to grow up and take responsibilty - one of my BIG weaknesses (debt,job,house, driving all stem from that)

Any how it is actually way more complicated then that really but I have been crying and am tired.

What I would really like some advice on is how to deal with feeling so mad, real proper rage about a situation? It won't change - no offence but please don't offer advice on fixing stuff with my sister that is not going to happen, I have tried lots over the last three years. I know she isn't going to be the sister I feel (?) she should be what can I do to move on from this point? how do I accept it?
I am working on the grown up thing honest!

And it is amazing that I cried.I NEVER cry.
thanks for reading

xxxx

elantan

Am at work just now working nightshift but will get back to u .... My advice so far ... Breathe .... As simple as that breathe .... There is no need to do anything else just now .... And I think u already know that doing anything that doesn't sit well with u ( ie: trying to work it out with your sister when u don't want to ) will never work .... Maybe pm me if u feel u don't want to share on the board

i suggest just breathing as right now you have alot going on and have discovered alot ... maybe time to let it all settle for a wee while ?

LuckyBiscuit

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

I just wanted to drop back and say that I did a lot of thinking tonight, I have come to the conclusion that I am very angry with my sister for various reasons. I have been waiting for her to step up, but she hasn't. I feel horribly responsible and do resent her lack of help - despite my asking, trying to persuade and finally just leaving things to see if she decides enough is enough. In the last year I have even tried to rebuild some kind of relationship with her but to no avail.

This is because I was brought up to believe (as was she) that family were important and in many ways central to your life. She doesn't appear to think so and I simply cannot understand how that is - she is or seems to be so selfish. Why can't she see?

I am not blaming her for all my problems (dammit I gave it a good try tho!) but these thoughts came from me not wanting to grow up and take responsibilty - one of my BIG weaknesses (debt,job,house, driving all stem from that)

Any how it is actually way more complicated then that really but I have been crying and am tired.

What I would really like some advice on is how to deal with feeling so mad, real proper rage about a situation? It won't change - no offence but please don't offer advice on fixing stuff with my sister that is not going to happen, I have tried lots over the last three years. I know she isn't going to be the sister I feel (?) she should be what can I do to move on from this point? how do I accept it?
I am working on the grown up thing honest!

And it is amazing that I cried.I NEVER cry.
thanks for reading

xxxx

I held a lot of rage with regard to my mum and believe me its only me it affected, she was completely oblivious. One thing i did was to write a letter, but never gave it to her, it helped me to examine my feelings, i also thought about what could have caused her to behave how she did etc????. I then burnt the letter said right time to forgive her for how she treated me, but not allow it to continue from now on. Believe me rage/anger/unforgiveness felt like it was holding me prisioner and now ive been set free.
It may not work in you situation, but thought it was worth sharing

Good luck, Love and hug's XXX

elantan

TMVen wrote: »

I held a lot of rage with regard to my mum and believe me its only me it affected, she was completely oblivious. One thing i did was to write a letter, but never gave it to her, it helped me to examine my feelings, i also thought about what could have caused her to behave how she did etc????. I then burnt the letter said right time to forgive her for how she treated me, but not allow it to continue from now on. Believe me rage/anger/unforgiveness felt like it was holding me prisioner and now ive been set free.
It may not work in you situation, but thought it was worth sharing

Good luck, Love and hug's XXX

i think thats a very good thing to do tm ... for me i had similar issues iwht both parents but more my mother i couldnt forgive her for allowing what happened to me ....

like you she was oblivious ... the anger and hate i felt only affected me and my family ( i dont count my mother father etc as family) it was literally tearing me apart ... unlike you however i chose not to forgive or foget ... i never will forgive or forget what happened to me ... what i did do was take the control back that i had allowed them to have over me ... it was like drawing a line in the ground and stepping over it ... i chose for me the best thing was not to care ... i didnt think i would find that easy after the whole love guilt hatred anger that i felt ... but you know what it was ... now when we talk i'm lilke yeah whatever ... i dont feel emotional about them ... they are as significant to me as a paper cut ... slightly annoying but nothing worth losing any sleep over ...

when i did this i noticed a huge change in the difference with my relationship with them .... (mum in particular) now she phones and tries to be all friends etc but i am not interested ... she keeps asking me to go on holiday to see her i am like eh no thanks ... i have no need to go there nothing to see or do there why would i ... i think it upsets her when she finds out that i will travel to thailand but wont go 5 or so hours down the motorway ... but hey life is far too short to live in the past and ih ave nothing i want to do or see there so why go ....

i think most people have some family skeletons ... they can mess with our heads and they can ruin our lives if we chose to let them ... its what we do about them that makes the difference not what they are

Buffythedebtslayer

Thank you El and Tmven,

I think I am so caught up in being the perfect daughter and that perfect daughter gets on well with her siblings and holds things together that untill recently I didn't think there was a different way. For a long time in my 20's my friends were my family to some extent - we are a secretive bunch and it was much easier to grow up with my friends, be open, be me, once I turned 30 most of my friends were married and now all my close friends have babies or are pregnant. I have another group of friends in fact I do have many friends but as you get older you simply have more demands on your time. And my life is completely different to how I expected and family is important to but to honest although I know Mum loves me I feel drained so much of the time and nothing replenishes me, there is no one there for me(I know how whiny and selfish that sounds). I was hoping until the last month or so that my sister would take some of the slack or take control or just do SOMETHING other then !!!! about frankly. But she never has. Everyone looks after her. No one expects her to do anything.

A small thing happened that made it very clear that she will remain (as I see it) selfish and shallow. And since then I think the slow realisation that No one is going to rescue me has dawned. I have made a lot changes in recent months some big some small but I know I am changing and it is scary but I need to do it.

I could write the letter. Not yet I think but may be soon.

Thanks again

Buffy xxx

elantan

Let me know when your ready for more homework .... Were getting there