lodgers having an affair - advice needed.

clutton_2

well then talk to them... bring it out in the open, set new ground rules so you do feel comfortable.. its your home......

if they had a shared bedroom would that make you feel better ?

if you all cooked and shared meals would that help ?

whitewing

I always think that if someone is cheating on their spouse and children, then they aren't going to be remotely concerned about what anyone else thinks anyway. So if you say anything at all, you risk the situation turning very nasty. If you aren't going to give them notice then I can't see you can do anything other than put up and shut up.

zzzLazyDaisy

If you don't want to give them notice, and it is only 8 weeks till the other one leaves, I'd be inclined to just put up with it for the sake of a quiet life, and not wanting to alienate the lodger who will be staying. But that's just me.

If you are not prepared to turn a blind eye for a few weeks, then you first need to decide what you want them to do/not do, so that you will feel comfortable in your own home. (Don't say 'stop the affair' as realistically that isn't going to happen).

Once you have decided how you want to move forward, sit down and talk to them and see if you can come to some mutually agreeable arrangement for the next few weeks.

Would you be willing to let the share a room for the next 8 weeks? At least their relationship would then be open and above board and there would be no need for sneaking around.

Of course if the contract is unexpectedly renewed that could put you in a tricky situation moving forward.

BitterAndTwisted

I'd bite the bullet and tough it out for the remaining eight weeks

Owain_Moneysaver

If one of them is leaving in 8 weeks then it really isn't worth the aggro asking him/her to leave before then.

Say to the other that as lodger is leaving, it would be convenient if she/he left at the same time as you want the house to yourself / get the decorators in / thinking of putting it up for sale / taking up judo and want to use the room for gym mats / whatever.

getmore4less

One potential problem is that the one leaving starts turning up as a "guest".

punkaking

whitewing wrote: »

I always think that if someone is cheating on their spouse and children, then they aren't going to be remotely concerned about what anyone else thinks anyway.

I have to disagree with this - pple having an affair tend to be in a little fantasy bubble of ignorance, thinking that no one could *possibly* guess their little secret... denial central.

I would suggest getting creative - get one of them on their own and 'confide' in them that you're worried that the other one snuck someone in to their room overnight and that you're embarrassed and don't know what to do about it... They'll either come out straight with you and then you can address some of the issues mentioned in the posts above or they will be embarrassed to have been overheard and will hopefully either quit the night time room hopping or at least be loads quieter :P

Oh and no one can judge if it is infidelity - they may very wall have an 'arrangement' within their marriage

Petlamb

In all honesty if you do get on with them pretty well, having a chat with one or both could be a solution..? Maybe pick the one you think is more likely to be open or take less issue with you mentioning it?

It is your house and you should be comfortable in it - so the worst they can say is 'no and that's offended me' - in which case... Is it so terrible? At least they might realise their behaviour has an impact on others, such as yourself.

Good luck x

Old_Git

ask for a threesome and see if they let you join in

Catblue

In your position, I would still get rid of both of them. You said in your OP "But I would never allow a lodger to have a partner stay every night nor (as previously stated) would I have a couple". You can't have it both ways. You can't say "I would never allow this" and then immediately allow it, which is what you are doing if you say nothing.

If you say nowt for 8 weeks, then you risk the one whose contract finishes just deciding to sleep over a couple of times per week afterwards with the other one. Or if they don't get a job, then they might just "move in" permanently into the other one's bedroom. Or they might decide to have their liaisons at weekends from now on. In your home. After all, you haven't uttered a word about the arrangement for months, right?

Then you are in the difficult position of saying "Well, I know you've both been at it for months but now you are doing it less frequently than before I want it to stop now".

Seems to me that you can choose to deal with an awkward situation now (giving them notice now) or deal with potentially a much more awkward situation later after being uncomfortable in your own home for 2 months.