Do you ever wonder...?

ellissa

Just a sorry for myself MSE moan really...

So me and OH got married and we both so want a baby together (been together 4 yrs, he has 2 kids from previous marriage). Thing is, we both work 2 jobs and never see each other. Neither of us want to raise our children in that circumstance so we're saving hard, paying off our credit card (our only debt except mortgage), having no social life whatsoever and hoping desperately that we are in a financial position to feel comfortable to start trying for a baby next year.

Does anyone else ever look around and ask yourself how everyone else does it? We have friends, younger than us with brand new homes, cars, gadgets, sky tv, holidays, nights out and babies on the way. We also know people with kids, never worked a day in their lives yet always out partying, designer gear, top of the range cars, gadgets etc. Now knowing roughly the incomes of these couples, I cannot understand how they do it. OK so the couple on benefits get more than the other couple who work but I cannot understand how either makes the 'books balance'.

Here I am, sitting here on me lonesome whilst OH is at work (I'll be at work by the time he gets in) and I can't decide if the kind of people mentioned above are being irresponsible or we are being overcautious.

I'm not saying I want a lavish lifestyle with designer clothes and sports cars because I'm not that materialistic. I just want to feel comfortable enough financially to feel we are able to bring children into this world. In every other way, we are ready... just not financially.

Moan over! Sometimes you just need to get it out of the system so it makes sense!
Ells x

Oldernotwiser

Just a suggestion but have you ever considered improving your skills or qualifications so that you could better, more well paid jobs?

If you're finding it difficult to manage with 2 full time jobs and extra jobs on top, this would seem to be your best option.

skylight

Credit. Mainly.

ellissa

Better skilled jobs?!

Sorry, should have said, I'm a teacher working full time at a school and tutoring at the weekends!

ellissa

Credit? Skylight, you are probably right. That's what I mean though. I cannot decide in my own head if we are being over-cautious or them irresponsible...

Emmzi

you can never afford children and then when you have them you cope...

if itnis what you want now, get on with it :-) there is no good time!

skylight

You will never be able to "afford" a child. But once they arrive, you just do.

IMO the biggest decision is how many kids. Do you have one then go back to work after a period of time, or 2 in realtively quick succession so you can go back to work and stay there? Or stay at home for years and years and have 5?

Oldernotwiser

ellissa wrote: »

Better skilled jobs?!

Sorry, should have said, I'm a teacher working full time at a school and tutoring at the weekends!

Sorry, I assumed from the way you spoke that you were on minimum wage!

Do you have an enormous mortgage or are you paying off loads of debt? Do you waste a lot of money on unnecessary things?

ellissa

Emmzi I think you are right. This is what my parents keep telling me too.

Skylight - your points are also things I've been considering. I know we do not want more than 2. Considering the stage I am in my career, I think have one then back to work then another a yr or so later then back to work. That's if we decide to have a second. I wouldn't be able to afford more than 6 months or so maternity each time anyway. Plus, I'm a career girl. If ever we were in a position that one of us can stay at home then it would be OH (but that isn't likely to be a decision we'll have to make!)

ellissa

Oldernotwiser - that's ok, you didn't offend me in any way! Yes I spent 4 yrs at uni, been teaching for a few years. OH is in management but is, I suppose, relatively unskilled in terms of formal qualifications. However, he has been trying to get into the police or prison service but vacancies are few and far between in these professions currently, then when you 'fail' an interview (as he has once)you have to wait 6 months to re-apply.

We have a reasonable mortgage but not OTT, ok whilst rates are low but on variable rate which frightens me! Must look into fixed (with Martin's MSE help!) We have debt of £5K on an interest free credit card which is from the wedding really. This terrifies me! Should pay it off within a year tho and when interest free ends, I'll balance transfer to another interest free card.

In know our situation is not terrible but I was just ranting because I want to start making babies now but we don't feel we should even try until debt is paid. A year is not long I know, we want to wait until I can give up tutoring completely and OH can stop (well, reduce) 2nd job as I don't want to be preggers/have a baby and be on my own all the time. The second job wages completely cover the debt payments each month on schedule so that we can pay all £5K by this time next year. The plan is to stop the 2nd jobs once debt is paid off then have a baby (and yes, probably end up going back to said 2nd jobs to fund the new family!)

busiscoming2

If you are a teacher and hubby has a reasonably well paid job, unless your mortgage is huge I dont see how you cant afford to have children. I know you have your £5k debt which you are paying off but do you spend a lot on clothes, cars and 'labelled' goods? Sometimes it is easy to forget where the money actually goes.