Equitable Relationship

GEEGEE8

As for 45 mins to get ready.. I'm a bit of a tomboy and I give myself half hour to get ready... If it was lunch though I'd say I'd get a quick change and be out the door.

Not sure about that, if she's a fashion diva, then yes 45 mins is reasonable.

Do you pick her up? If so, can't you go a little later so you aren't waiting around?

Danstar_2

GEEGEE8 wrote: »

I just got made redundant and my boyfriend has been really sweet, paying for cinema, snowboarding at the local slope, helping me with fuel money if I'm driving, paying for half/most of the shopping when he visits me at the weekend.

The thing is, he knows I work hard in our relationship and that I have a good career ahead of me one day.. I think he is hoping I'll get him a flash car one day ! lol

The thing is, I've paid for stuff in the past, and even spent £300 on his birthday last year for a Lambourghini day for us both, and £400 to go to Ireland, plus various other gifts..

I think if you love eachother you don't count up these things. Just try to be sensible and as long as you honestly, deep down, don't think she is using you, then stick with it and try to reduce costs by the above suggestions.

Until she gets a better job one day, this is how it is. If she is doing her A levels then she must be planning a career?

I do love her and I don't think she's using me, I just felt it's not fair that I was sat there waiting for her to take her out to buy her lunch. With perspective it's not really an issue we were in no rush I should be a bit more lenient. She is very pretty and I understand her wanting to look nice.

Yer she's doing some other a levels because she did want to be a dentist but didn't get the grades quite and instead found a rather well paid training position were in two years she would have been a qualified dental higenist. But she is thinking she wants to do management at university with an eye on going into marketing and events management sort of field.

mrcow

Danstar wrote: »

I started this thread for opinions on my relationship with regards to how equitable it is and with regards to the time keeping issue with the purpose or having some perspective from 3rd party neautrals. Not to be lambasted by some people. Without personally knowing me you can't say I am ungrateful to my parents.

Most of the posts have been genuine responses making suggestions as well as offering relative experience to the issue of my girlfriends time keeping. Yet some people seem to think it's a productive use of their time to spam this thread with ignorant comments being plain rude. It's not necessary and not wanted. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions but just as if you were a racist today, for example, you'd be expected to remain exteriorly tolerant rather than hysterical and hateful.

That's the second thread today where you have inappropriately accused people of "lambasting" and being "ignorant", using those exact same words.

May I suggest you take a little step back. You need to understand that if you are asking for opinons, then not everyone is going to agree with you. If you don't like that, then best not ask in the first place!

euronorris

Danstar wrote: »

I started this thread for opinions on my relationship with regards to how equitable it is and with regards to the time keeping issue with the purpose or having some perspective from 3rd party neautrals. Not to be lambasted by some people. Without personally knowing me you can't say I am ungrateful to my parents.

Most of the posts have been genuine responses making suggestions as well as offering relative experience to the issue of my girlfriends time keeping. Yet some people seem to think it's a productive use of their time to spam this thread with ignorant comments being plain rude. It's not necessary and not wanted. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions but just as if you were a racist today, for example, you'd be expected to remain exteriorly tolerant rather than hysterical and hateful.

You have got opinions. Some of them are just not what you wanted to hear.

You also volunteered the fact that your parents give you a 500 GBP per month allowance, and then went on to say that 'I do alot for my parents though, forever doing little favors for my mum or going into work for my dad if A few people are off ill.' as if that meant you deserved the money they gave you! It doesn't! It's a gift from them to you and should be treated as such.

You're acting very, very ungrateful for all that your parents do for you. So, if you are grateful for everything they do, I suggest you start acting like it.

GEEGEE8

Danstar wrote: »

I do love her and I don't think she's using me, I just felt it's not fair that I was sat there waiting for her to take her out to buy her lunch. With perspective it's not really an issue we were in no rush I should be a bit more lenient. She is very pretty and I understand her wanting to look nice.

Yer she's doing some other a levels because she did want to be a dentist but didn't get the grades quite and instead found a rather well paid training position were in two years she would have been a qualified dental higenist. But she is thinking she wants to do management at university with an eye on going into marketing and events management sort of field.

Was it just one occasion then? If so, then maybe she was making a special effort.

I don't think you have anything to worry about, maybe you are just having one of those days/weeks.

Just enjoy things, but do try to cut back on costs as this will relieve some of the frustration you have.

onlyroz

I can get myself *and* my two kids ready to go out in 45 mins...

belfastgirl23

I think the thing you learn as you are in relationships longer is that it isn't what outside people think that's the issue, it's what the two people themselves think. have you spoken to your girlfriend about any of this? You've been together 18 months, if you can't communicate with each other about these kinds of things then that's really what the issue is as far as I'm concerned. From reading your post, you feel that she isn't appreciating you properly. I think the issue of money is a bigger one for you, since your parents are funding you quite generously perhaps you see this as one of the ways that people express love for each other and that's partly how you express your love for your GF. But maybe that isn't how she expresses love at all, maybe she does something entirely different.

As for the waiting for her, perhaps what you need to do is agree a time to go out for lunch then you go off and do something else instead? If she agrees to go for lunch at 1 but isn't ready till 1.45 that's unreasonable though. I'd also say that you probably appreciate how she looks and might need to accept that one of the compromises on this is that it does take time.

Mrs_Imp

Danstar wrote: »

Totally unrelated.

Do you think it's acceptable for a girl to take 45minutes to do hair and makeup and several dress changes to go out for lunch? I don't, it makes me feel as though my time isn't as important ad her vanity and she is getting worse for it. I have told her I find it disrespectful and she should be reasonable but she argues I should be more patient.

You should be pleased that she still gets dressed up for you even after 18 months of being together. She's showing great respect for you by trying to look her best in your company. I can get ready in 10 mins if I wanted to, but I know that DH likes me to look nice when we go out, so I spend a bit more time (well, a lot more time) and do myself up a bit.

Doom_and_Gloom

You do at least 3 things that are expencive a week - eating out twice a week and cinema at least once! That isn't cheap and you need to re-think this if you have a problem with the amount of money you are spending as she obviously can't afford it. You don't need to go out as often and/or do things that are a lot of money. Also when it comes down to it you could take your own food with you to the cinema instead of buying the overpriced junk food they sell. On the talk of cinemas go to the cinema on a Wednesday only and use an orange code unless it is a special occasion - this will save you a lot of money (you can get a sim for 99p/£1 and put £5 on it. It costs 35p a text for the orange Wednesday code so £5 would be 14 cinema visits :money:).

As someone who is in a realationship where my fiance is the only one with a job (I get DLA though but most of that is spent on my disability needs) we don't do things 50/50. It is impossible due to the difference in the money we get each 4 weeks (he gets paid every 4 weeks and my DLA comes in every 4 weeks) - my DLA is around 60% of the basic money he earns. We just pay for what we can. It sounds as if you and your girlfriend are in the same kind of position money wise. She just doesn't have as much money as you do so is finding it hard to keep up with the spending. The fact she has money for makeup isn't really here or there as she is doing it to look nice for you most likely as well as for herself. As others said if she didn't wear the makeup and spend the time doing it you may say she doesn't try to look nice for you!

On the 45 min to get ready thing I can't really comment. I'm a girl and I don't take that long but I don't care and don't wear makeup etc. However my sister could take that long in the shower alone to get ready then take time for makeup, hair etc so I think you are rather lucky to be honest :rotfl:.

Dinah93

I'm going to fly in the face of popular opinion here and say I'd be unhappy if I arranged to meet someone at say 7pm, and they turned up at 7.45pm. I'm female, but it only takes me 45 mins to get ready if I have just got in from work, need to shower, do my hair, make up etc and its for a smart occassion. And I never go out without looking smart, having my make up on, my hair neat etc. I don't think it takes me that long even if I'm going to a wedding. I'd have no issue if she took that long to get ready before I arrived, but its not like you turned up as a suprise. I would feel as you do, that my time is less important to her. Equally if it was only the once in a long relationshop, let her off, we all loose track of things sometimes.

For the money thing, I think it has all been covered, your dad pays it anyway, its no skin off your nose. You go out a heck of a lot for students anyway! To be honest you might love her, but you dont seem especially to like or respect her, you're both young, I'm wondering if you've outgrown the relationship and are unconciously picking faults with it.