interfering mother issues

elfen

Hmmm, if she harps on about your weight....I can lose weight, however personality transplants arent available yet.....children.....Ooooh, I could never eat a whole one....

Bananabelly

Tygermoth wrote: »

So i am off to my parents to visit for a few days.

I am dreading it for a number of reasons. Namely the ability my mother has of giving me the rage.

I am in my late thirties, hold a very good job, live in a idyllic cottage with my long term partner, three cats, eleven chickens and love it all.... so how is it within ten minutes of arrival will I be bombarded by an onslaught of snide remarks and subtle jibes that i cant seem to defend myself against.

It will be sly comments about my weight, hints about not getting younger and having babies (despite us telling her repeatedly and in every manner possible since i was 16 we have no desire in any way shape of form to have children) then we will move on to jibes about being unmarried.

If i defend its 'oohh hit a nerve have we' or 'so sensitive aren't we?' and if i don't its 'we your not saying no, so that means yes' grrrr. Its so hard to describe how frustratring it is as you cant win either way... so i want a way not to even let her get started.

So aside from committing violence on the woman anyone offer a response that will close down this type of conversation before it even gets going in a way that is constructive but clear?

Please help me save my sanity.

Apparently these mothers are everywhere as I have one too.....:(

It took me a long long time to learn this, but in the end it's this easy:

Don't let her get to you.

You are a fully functioning adult with a successful life you enjoy. You don't need her approval. If you don't rise to her bait the questions will eventually disappear (though it may not seem like it at first!).

My mother at times accuses me of spending too much money and at times being a tightwad, so I felt the same, like I can't win. But when she contradicts herself like that I started to realise how stupid it was and I don't play her games anymore. That, and I am currently living about 7,000 miles away from her .