Cost v's number of children

dlb

I do provide for my kids, and they wouldnt stave without my tax credits, but if a benifit is available surely people should claim them???

Crispy_Ambulance

I think it is so important to respect everyone's choices when it comes to having children. Deciding not to have children or not to have any more children is not selfish - if you don't want/can't afford any more kids (I am not just talking money - there are emotional and practical costs as well) then I applaud people for being sensible.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be able to provide for the child/children you have and deciding not to have any more for this reason.

Toomuchdebt

I can see all your points of view but here is another one-I have 4 children-from my ex husband-we divorced 2 years ago and in that time and the few years before we split I managed to run up a lot of debt(see siggy).I now have a new man(if all goes well) and IF we wanted to think about children I would have a hard time saying no for now because of my age-I am 35 and it will take around 7 years to pay of all the debts-I really don't want to be 42 and having a baby.My last baby died and I don't feel my family is complete yet,so should I not even think about having another baby because of my debts and the fact that I get tax credits?I do think if I was 25 I would not mind waiting.

teb_2

dlb wrote:

not everyone can get a `good paying job no matter how hard they try`!

Course not. But most people try to cut their cloth according to their means don't they? You wouldn't consider buying 2 or 3 expensive cars with a minimum guaranteed 16 year upkeep if you only had a £13k income would you?

wigginsmum

dlb wrote:

I do provide for my kids, and they wouldnt stave without my tax credits, but if a benifit is available surely people should claim them???

That's the problem with the welfare state as it stands - it encourages irresponsibility. I've got no problem with those who genuinely need benefit, but don't see why my money should go to support those who deliberately become a further drain.

Tax credit should be frozen at two children and nothing should be given for any further children. That way people might actually have to take a look at their lives and be mature adults instead of expecting someone else to pick up the slack.

Bagpuss1973

helpafriend wrote:

My older sister has just really shocked me. She has told me she is booked in to have her tubes tied. The thing is she only has one child, a 7 year old daughter. I always thought she was an only child because my sister and brother in law were having problems conceiving.

I asked her the reasons why she is taking this drastic decision and she says it is because she wants to give her child a good life. They do have a nice life, holidays, nights out and 2 cars but surely family is worth more? She says she would like more, but she does not want to give up her comfortable life.

I felt life she is having a dig at me as I have made no secret of the fact I would like a large family. We have 2 now and are trying for another. My husband only earns £13k, but we get tax credits and get by. I don’t worry too much about how we are going to feed and clothe them as my tax credits go up every time we have a baby. We are in debt, but are working hard to reduce this. I don’t see why money worries should stop us having as many children as we like.

So over to you. Has the cost of children impacted on the number you are going to have? Is my sister selfish? Should you worry about money when planning a family?

I just don't get it?? Am I being dense?? I am guessing that your sister is an adult - correct? Surely it is up to her and her husband whether or not they have another child and quite frankly I cannot see what it has to do with you one way or the other.

For all you know what she has told you could be pack of lies, it could well be that they are having problems conceiving and don't wish to discuss it with anyone as sometimes secondary infertility can in some ways be more upsetting than primary infertility in the sense that it can give the couple all sorts of irrational doubts it could just be her way of dealing with a very hard situation.

My partner and I plan to have a child, it could well be only one if we are lucky enough to conceive in the first place. We feel that we would be able to provide for one child and keep a reasonable standard of living and if you wish to brand me as selfish then pleae go ahead, however if you wish to give me a few thousand grand I will happily try for three or four but we have to be realistic, I would think that your sister has been through enough soul searching without being told she is selfish. She has a happy healthy seven year old, that is lots more than some couples who will never know that joy be it through choice or sadly that choice being out of their hands.

I think you need a really wake up call. I wish I could ignore all my financial obligations and just drop everything and have as many children as I wished but sorry I live in the real world.

Toomuchdebt

wigginsmum wrote:

Tax credit should be frozen at two children and nothing should be given for any further children. That way people might actually have to take a look at their lives and be mature adults instead of expecting someone else to pick up the slack.

So my 2 youngest would suffer because I had 4 children when I was married not expecting to get divorced?

viktory

helpafriend wrote:

My older sister has just really shocked me. She has told me she is booked in to have her tubes tied. The thing is she only has one child, a 7 year old daughter. I always thought she was an only child because my sister and brother in law were having problems conceiving.

I asked her the reasons why she is taking this drastic decision and she says it is because she wants to give her child a good life. They do have a nice life, holidays, nights out and 2 cars but surely family is worth more? She says she would like more, but she does not want to give up her comfortable life.

I felt life she is having a dig at me as I have made no secret of the fact I would like a large family. We have 2 now and are trying for another. My husband only earns £13k, but we get tax credits and get by. I don’t worry too much about how we are going to feed and clothe them as my tax credits go up every time we have a baby. We are in debt, but are working hard to reduce this. I don’t see why money worries should stop us having as many children as we like.

So over to you. Has the cost of children impacted on the number you are going to have? Is my sister selfish? Should you worry about money when planning a family?

LOL, I just read this out to my husband. His reaction? "!!!!ing hell! - those tax credits come out of the taxpayers pocket!" I echo that.

Any person having a child that states "I don’t worry too much about how we are going to feed and clothe them as my tax credits go up every time we have a baby" strikes me as being immature, selfish and thoughtless. What a wonderful parent you must be.

Your sister is a credit to your parents. You should be ashamed of yourself.

gilly41

Hi
I have 2 children aged 20 & 22 to my first marriage and my second husband and I dont have any children between us. We decided not to have anymore as he has a 22 year old son that we supported right through Uni(as we have done with my 2) and another child would have been more than we could have afforded. My husband earns 26K a year and I didnt work when the kids were younger. We felt that another child would have stretched us finanacially.I defiantely wouldnt have hoped to rely on tax credits if we had chosen to have a baby between us.

wigginsmum

Toomuchdebt wrote:

So my 2 youngest would suffer because I had 4 children when I was married not expecting to get divorced?

No - what I mean was it shouldn't be there for people like helpafriend who deliberately abuse the system. It was just difficult to word it correctly. I have every sympathy with your situation, but if you can't afford any further children, then the sensible choice would be not to have any more.