Cost v's number of children

Lotta_Littlies

I don't think the issue is 1 or 0 child(ren) versus 20 children but having children knowing full well you can't afford it versus taking responsibility and providing for your family yourself.

I don't appreciate knowing how hard my dh and I have worked and saved, and do work in order to be able to have our above average number of children and provide for them knowing that you are happy to keep on adding to your family with the reasoning that tax credits support you so it's fine.

I did bar work and other people's ironing when times were tougher in order to make ends meet, before working up to a job with a reasonable wage and still didn't expect help where I didn't feel we'd earned it. We were both able to work, not ill at all so we worked. I can't help but listen to you and see people like my neighbour and think "Why did we even bother?".

The thing that is annoying is that you aren't an example of someone that the system is there to help in the short term. There are plenty of people who claim one thing or another but are not intent on staying in that situation. You, however, are viewing tax credits as being given permission to continue having children regardless. You can't support them but the state won't let them starve so why not have another?


Lotta

edited because I'm so frustrated I wrote my name twice!

black-saturn

Who's looking after all those children during the school holidays while you are at work?

wigginsmum

Lotta explained on page 5 that she works from home, like you.

black-saturn

Also I'd like to know how you working parents will feel if when your children grow up they choose to be stay at home parents and choose to be on benefit? Is it only then that you realise teaching your children the 'work ethic' isn't going to work?

Lotta_Littlies

black-saturn wrote:

Who's looking after all those children during the school holidays while you are at work?

We don't have any help with childcare and never have done. As I stated earlier in the thread I worked around dh's job when I had the two jobs, working a couple of evenings and weekends, plus working from home. Now I just work from home.


Lotta

wigginsmum

But that works both ways, black-saturn. Your kids might choose to be childfree, or they might choose to be working mothers who employ carers. How will you handle that? Will you be disappointed that they develop a work ethic and choose to be self-supporting instead of sponging off the State? You can't dictate your children's choices any more than the OP can dictate her sister's.

Lotta_Littlies

black-saturn wrote:

Also I'd like to know how you working parents will feel if when your children grow up they choose to be stay at home parents and choose to be on benefit? Is it only then that you realise teaching your children the 'work ethic' isn't going to work?

Will they be having a family without the intention or ability to support them, or would they have started a family as most people do, but then due to circumstances (a relationship breakdown/illness etc) be forced on benefits as that is the only thing for them to do until the situation improves?

If the first I'd be disappointed with their irresponsibility and !!!!lessness. If the latter - that's life like I said and stuff happens. So long as they didn't view it as a permanant way of living and a long term solution there isn't a problem. Again, I've stated this earlier in the thread.

Lotta

black-saturn

wigginsmum wrote:

But that works both ways, black-saturn. Your kids might choose to be childfree, or they might choose to be working mothers who employ carers. How will you handle that? Will you be disappointed that they develop a work ethic and choose to be self-supporting instead of sponging off the State? You can't dictate your children's choices any more than the OP can dictate her sister's.

I won't mind what they do as long as they are happy with it. DD1 is already saying things like you about not ever having children and she is only 11. But it doesn't worry me as long as they are happy. People on benefit can be happy too you know.

cupid_s

helpafriend wrote:

I think it is maybe because we come from a large family ourselves and she knows how close we all are and what a great support system it brings. To be honest I think her husband has had some influence as he is one of two and had a spoiled upbringing. He probably thinks spoiling kids is the way to go.

My mum and dad don't have 2 pennies to rub together, but when we all go round for Christmas it is just so wonderful. Also they always have someone to help them out, with shopping or the garden which is great.

It's good that your family are close but not all are. My parents and my sister are my absolute best friends in the world (along with my dh). My parents have 2 children. One lives 130 miles away (me) the other lives about 10000 miles away. If they'd had another 2 children chances are they'd all have gone away to uni and wouldn't be living by my parents anyway. As it stands I am lucky enough to see my mom and dad every 6 weeks or so (i'd prefer to see them more - every day if i could but it's not possible) and they see my sister once every 18 months or so.

If they'd had more kids and now, like your parents, didn't have 2 pennies to rub together they would never see their one daughter.

My husband is one of 2 also. His brother is moving to sweden in a month and he also lives 130 miles from his parents and sees them twice a year.

Just because you have a large family doesn't mean you wont end up alone. Especially with so many young people moving away to go to uni etc. You can't plan these things cos nothing ever works out right if you do.

wigginsmum

black-saturn wrote:

I won't mind what they do as long as they are happy with it.

Ah - so you no longer have an issue with mothers who choose to go out to work. Fair enough