need fathers permission to change childs surname?

DVardysShadow

alwaysonthego wrote: »

MOVING THREADS FOR BETTER RESPONSES


Hi, Martin’s asked me to post this in these circumstances: I’ve asked Board Guides to move threads if they’ll receive a better response elsewhere(please see this rule) so this post/thread has been moved to another board, where it should get more replies. If you have any questions about this policy please email [EMAIL="abuse@moneysavingexpert.com"]abuse@moneysavingexpert.com[/EMAIL].

Off topic.

This thread appears to me to have been moved to the correct place. But as there is no money saving involved, perhaps Glad will come along and throw it out to Discussion Time.

Hopefully not, because I think it is inappropriate to move such personal threads into a general daily politics and banter forum.

gratefulforhelp_2

Becles wrote: »

I've remarried and my sons want to take on their step-Dad's surname so they're they same as him, me and their sister. However ex has parental responsibility and he's refused permission unless I agree to him not paying maintenance.

What a charmer, so there's no moral reason then, just if it saves him the cash?

lolly1981

hello

i have a fairly quick question about my 6 yr old. he is my first son, his father is my ex husband. currently he has his fathers surname.
his father hasnt seen him in 3 years, his choice. he has also changed his complete name not just his surname (named himself after some final fantasy character very strange lol). i have remarried so everyone in the house has the same surname except my 1st son.
we have no contact with ex or have his address or anyway of contacting him (except facebook as ive asked him about this before, he said he can change to my maiden name, but when i tried to contact him to sort it out he ignored me. but im not sure if he still uses that.) my son wants my husbands surname.

so my question.... can i change my sons surname legally without my exs permission, if we were in contact i know he would probably try to stop me but that would only be a power thing not because son shares his name (as hes already changed his IYSWIM)

thnaks.

ETA ex husband does pay 5 pound a week CSA, i am planning on seeing if i can cancel this, as i feel my husband takes care of us now, and the 5 pound still ties us to him if that makes sense. i only received it to begin with because after my ex left i was claiming IS and they sent his details through to CSA ..i had to give them or they would make deduction in my IS or someting, i was happy to at the time as i wanted my son to have a reltionship with his father. his father chose not to see him broke ties so i dont want his money.

Debicj

As you were married to your son's father, you should really have his consent to any name change. However, I don't know how you are supposed to get this if you are no longer in contact.

I didn't get permission and my ex husband objected to me changing our children's surname and went to court. Despite both children having used the new surname for more than 2 years and it being the only surname the youngest child had ever known, the judge ruled that they must use their father's surname. This obviously wasn't in the children's interests as they found it confusing but I still had to comply. My solicitor was very surprised at this and thought that the double-barrel combination of both surnames that we suggested would have been accepted. Apparently it was just bad luck that I got that particular judge on a bad day.

You should get legal advice because if your ex isn't having any contact with your son, it may be different. Some solicitors have free half hour sessions, maybe you could find one that offers this.

truff

I'm unable to post links, but there is some useful information on this if you Google for Nationwide Deed Poll Centre (I'm not affiliated with them in any way) and click the link for Children.

Changing a child's name without the consent of an absent father who has parental responsibility It may be possible for a parent who has custody of a child to change the child's name by Deed Poll without the other parent's consent if the other parent's whereabouts is not known. Usually, this situation arises where a mother wishes to change the surname of her child because the child has the father's surname and the father is now absent through separation or divorce. The mother may have entered into a new relationship (and is using her new partner's surname) or has reverted to using her maiden name.
If this is your situation, you can apply for a Deed Poll and support your application with a letter of consent, which should include information about what reasonable measures you have taken to contact the absent father - for example, writing to the father's last known address and contacting relatives and friends of the father etc. The letter should also include details of the period of absence by the father and examples of the father's lack of interest, for example, no maintenance payments and no Christmas or birthday cards or presents received by your child.
Please note that the issue of a Deed Poll by us - where one of the parents is absent and uncontactable - is no guarantee that all official record holders, e.g. school, doctor, passport office etc, will change your child’s name records. This is because official record holders should satisfy themselves that all those with parental responsibility have consented to the child’s name change. If the consent of an absent and uncontactable parent is not obtained, an official record holder can refuse to change a child’s name records. Our experience is that this rarely happens except with the Passport Office. The official position of the Passport Office concerning the issue of children’s passports where the father has parental responsibility but his whereabouts is unknown, is to require a court order. It may be that your passport application will be successful - certainly many have been in the past - but with a general move towards tighter government control over documents such as passports, it is very likely that you will be asked for a court order.
The only way to guarantee that a Deed Poll will be effective is to obtain a court order permitting the parent with custody to change their child's name without the consent of the absent parent. If your situation is straight forward (for example, the father has been absent for several years; does not make any contact with his children and does not make any financial contribution), you should have no problem getting a court order. Applying for a court order is not difficult so do not be put off from doing what you think will be a daunting experience.

mico62

I work in a school and we have a lot of pupils with both legal and preferred surnames, the preferred name is used for registration but any formal exam entries are made using their legal name. I assume they change their name by deed poll when they're 18

Debicj

I tried using the 'preferred name' at school etc. but after the court case was forced to stop.

Just be aware that if the father goes to court it can be decided in his favour, although in this case it is unlikely that the father would ever know if he doesn't get involved in the child's life.

lolly1981

thank you for that. all helpful.

my other problem is that if i get CSA to stop taking his payments it will look bad on me that im trying to change his name and have stopped his payments. i noticed on the deed poll thing it says that he makes no financial contributions, the fact that, that will stop will be my choice. does that make sense?

monicaj

I'm really struggling on this one. Obviously we only have one side to the story. The fact that your ex has changed his name does seem a little strange, HOWEVER, I still feel that as your son is only six years old, he has absolutely NO IDEA/CONCEPTION of the impact of changing his name at this point.

Personally I am strongly against changing children's names unless there is a threat of violence etc etc, just supposing you and your husband/partner go your separate ways in the future (god forbid) and you re-marry, would you look at changing your son's name again??

I really feel for you, but just my thoughts .........and something which in my humble opinion should be delayed until your son is old enough to make an informed decision.

Monica

lolly1981

thank you for your opinions. i have struggled with this for a while, ever since i discovered his biological father changed his name. my son is very aware that he has a different name, he calls my husband daddy (this was my sons choice not something we have forced him to do, when ds2 was born ds1 just woke up one day and started calling him daddy) he is aware that there was the dad that made him and my husband is the dad that looks after him. he does however often say he wants to be our surname.

i dont understand what implications you mean by having his name changed, mine was changed by my mother to my stepdads name, just by referral not deed poll, it never made a difference to us either way. i even received my national insurance number under my stepdads name, even though there was no chang by deed poll this was a long time ago though. it wasnt so bad when i still ahd ex husbands name but no we dont share that i dont want my son to feel like he doesnt belong because his name is different if that makes sense.

to be honest it now wouldnt be in my sons best interest to be in contact with his biological father any more. his bio has ADHD and uses it as an absolute excuse to do nothing blames it all on his ADHD. DS also has ADHD and i really dont want my son to learn that same attitude, that he can use it to get out of work or responsibility, which i feel will happen if he has contact. im not trying to deny DS his bio, his bio did that himself when he stopped visiting and changed his name.

its a hard decision to make and i have to think what is best for my son