**** I'm pregnant

helphelphelphelp

Hi there

I feel for you as not long ago I was in your situation.

I decided to keep the baby and my daughter will be 1 next week. Her dad wanted nothing to do with her until 3 days before her birth when he just announced that he supposed he should be at the birth. And now, although we are not really together he is involved in her life - which is a much more than I could have hoped for.

All I can say is if you decide to continue with the pregnancy dont close any doors as he might change his mind. And whilst this may seem like you are pandering to him, it will be the baby that benefits from having both of you.

Hope you manage to come to the right decision

Good luck

x

ceridwen

tabskitten wrote: »

Does it not worry anyone else that the fathers reaction was to ''get rid'' and the mothers ''!!!! i'm pregnant''?!?!

Yes - me...I believe that every childs arrival (right from the moment of conception) should be greeted with joy by both parents. It brings a smile to my face when I spot a proud dad interreacting with his little child - two smiles this week were a new dad carefully feeding his little daughter and another young dad carefully holding up his little boy to teach him how to operate the pedestrian crossing (both of them beaming with pride as they did so).

...but then I find that most women who reply on this sort of thread have a very different mindset to myself ....We literally don't understand each others way of thinking.

Personally - I don't understand letting even one's own life get decided by something like one's body falling pregnant. That's what bodies DO - left to Mother Nature (without us taking control) most of us would get pregnant on a yearly basis. As someone who is very very clear that I (not Mother Nature) decides how my life will be - clearly most women on these threads and I are going to live in a haze of mutual incomprehension:rotfl::rotfl:

tru

ceridwen wrote: »

As someone who is very very clear that I (not Mother Nature) decides how my life will be - clearly most women on these threads and I are going to live in a haze of mutual incomprehension:rotfl::rotfl:

No, not really I completely understand why some women don't want children. What I don't understand is why other women are so against it.

We decided how my life would be, so we had two children. We didn't want more, so we made sure we didn't. Condoms (didn't like those), pill (massive increase in appetite so I didn't like that either), the doc wouldn't give me an implant. As I'd been through childbirth twice, mr tru said it was only fair that he had the snip (as opposed to me being sterilised)

Molly41

ceridwen wrote: »

Yes - me...I believe that every childs arrival (right from the moment of conception) should be greeted with joy by both parents. It brings a smile to my face when I spot a proud dad interreacting with his little child - two smiles this week were a new dad carefully feeding his little daughter and another young dad carefully holding up his little boy to teach him how to operate the pedestrian crossing (both of them beaming with pride as they did so).

How unrealistic is that comment? Having a baby is such a huge event that every parent has fears and worries about it. My kids dad is an example of this (earlier post) but now his relationship with his son is wonderful. He had very severe misgiving but overcame them - perhaps it was this process that has contributed to the closeness of their relationship?

blabberwort

Hi Op im glad to see that you have had the chance to give this some thought and didnt jump straight into making a decision. I agree that a decision like this should be yours and yours alone, however saying that I hope you have considered the fathers opinion in this too. Im not suggesting for one second that you should do as he asked if thats not what you wanted to do , only that you accept there may be a possibility that he wont change his mind and will want nothing to do with this baby.

Some men change their minds but many others dont, so please consider this. You can of course have the baby and have every right to, but dont expect him to want to have anything to do with the child, you need to decide if that the worst comes to the worst then you will beable to manage to raise your child as a single parent.

On a different note I do think their should be a law (I dont think there already is but I may be wrong) where fathers can sign away all rights to a child they do not want but the mother does. This should include the mother waiving all financial responsibility for the father too. As much as a mother shouldnt be forced to have an abortion I feel a father should not be made to have the responsibility of being a father to a child they do not want. It should work both ways.

**confuzzled**

tabskitten wrote: »

Does it not worry anyone else that the fathers reaction was to ''get rid'' and the mothers ''!!!! i'm pregnant''?!?!

Not really:o Although we were trying for quite some time that was also my first reaction:o Admittedly it was quickly followed by a huge grin and me leggin it upstairs to show hubby...his reaction was 'are you sure?' followed by 'Oh [EMAIL="!!!!"]!!!![/EMAIL], are we seriously gonna do this?' then after it had sunk in he was all grins too.
Its a natural reaction for most people imo as it's a HUGE and very SCARY step into proper adulthood:D

tiamai_d

tabskitten wrote: »

Does it not worry anyone else that the fathers reaction was to ''get rid'' and the mothers ''!!!! i'm pregnant''?!?!

Not really. That was pretty much the reaction to finding out I was pregnant with my DD. Now she is here she is utterly and completely adored by us all.

DS1 was an 'oh !!!! I'm pregnant', DS2 was another 'oh !!!! I'm pregnant' even though we had tried for 18 months and then given up, I went back on the pill and boombadee I got a baybee. Actually DS2 made me so ill during the pregnancy that I refered to him as 'the parasite'.

How you react to a pregnancy or during a pregnancy is no indication to how you will react to the baby when he or she arrives. You usually get quite a while to get used to the idea. I'd be more worried if an unexpected pregnancy wasn't met with shock. After all, bringing a child into the world is a huge life changing event.

nobodyspecial

ceridwen wrote: »

Yes - me...I believe that every childs arrival (right from the moment of conception) should be greeted with joy by both parents. It brings a smile to my face when I spot a proud dad interreacting with his little child - two smiles this week were a new dad carefully feeding his little daughter and another young dad carefully holding up his little boy to teach him how to operate the pedestrian crossing (both of them beaming with pride as they did so).

...but then I find that most women who reply on this sort of thread have a very different mindset to myself ....We literally don't understand each others way of thinking.

Personally - I don't understand letting even one's own life get decided by something like one's body falling pregnant. That's what bodies DO - left to Mother Nature (without us taking control) most of us would get pregnant on a yearly basis. As someone who is very very clear that I (not Mother Nature) decides how my life will be - clearly most women on these threads and I are going to live in a haze of mutual incomprehension:rotfl::rotfl:

No ceridwen, bodies don't just fall pregnant, in case you missed that week in biology, sexual intercourse has to take place at an opportune time. Now if you're saying that having sexual intercourse without using contraception may lead to pregnancy you are getting closer to the truth :rotfl::rotfl: So, if you wish to avail yourself of the delights of sexual union, but are adamant you do not want to risk the delight of a new life, failsafe contraception is the way to go ie sterilisation. Or at the very least belt and braces, where both partners use contraception, since abstinence or sterilisation are the only 100% methods. Any man who does not want to wear condoms during sex has to accept there is a possibility he will fertilise his partner. No good then bleating it's his right to demand she aborts. None of this helps the OP, who faces a difficult time.

tabskitten

My point was less toward the initail ''oh !!!!'' reaction that most people would have, but more to the fact that the OP has had a while to get used to it and she still posts this as the header....

My OH and i do not want children- so i am not saying that this would not be my reaction. It would. But I would not have the child.

But if it was I would not be having the child- i do not want this to turn into an abortion thread- but I would be doing that (Cowers awaiting the blows!) because I think it is worse to bring an unwanted child into the world than to terminate a foetus- but that is just me and i know many people will hate me for saying that!

tiamai_d

Tabs, you really don't know how you would feel till you were in that situation.

After I had DS2 I was told another pregnancy would be suicide. So I spoke to my GP who recommended the minera over sterilisation. I had taken the MAP in between having DS2 and having the minera fitted (the condom got lost) and I always said that if it did happen, I would not hesitate to have a termination.

When it actually happened though, I felt a LOT different.

Right now (DH has been fixed) I can sit and say that if it did happen again I would not hesitate to have a termination... but I know from experience that some things are easier said than done.

And it works both ways, a woman can be against termination till she finds herself in that position. You gotta do what's right for you at the time.