HaHa my parents are having me over!

Leanna86

RX-78 wrote: »

Dont mean to be offensive but the very fact you feel this way despite your parents allowing you to lodge with them (with your boyfriend!) shows why they think you need to be treated like 5 years old.

When I finished Uni, my parents told me to make my own living in my own place and dont expect a penny from them (well ok, they did help pay deposit and 1st month rent whilst I was waiting for my first wage).

Actually the reason we both live with my parents is I was pregnant, they asked me if my boyfriend wanted to move in until we found our own place (waiting on the council) and then our daughter was born very early and sadly passed away 3 weeks later, hence the reason he is still living with us, hence the reason we haven't moved out sooner and the reason I didn't appreciate 1 month after my daughter passing away that seeing as I was not at work due to my circumstances that my parents demanded an extra £65 a week to help them out to cover my brother leaving.

Obviously I didn't write this in my first post but thought it was a bit of crucial info I left out as it seems everyone thinks im being completely unappreciative towards my parents....lol

I am willing to move out, to be honest I want to start afresh new place, new family etc but I am being made to feel like I have to stay to help them, irrelevant of my issues...

Doozergirl

Leanna86 wrote: »

Thats one of the big problems I have said we will move out but my mum has asked me not to move until we get a mortgage and not to move out to rent, my dad has also mentioned that the costs are very high than they anticipated when they bought the house so I kind of feel obliged to stay to help them out...

I am not saying we cannot afford to pay the £400 a month, what I am moaning (BIG KID ) is the fact they have only said to me that they will need to increase my rent to cover some of what my brother was paying as they wont be getting his rent as he left....but seems I am now just paying his rent all because he left!

If they would of said OK because you use so much on electric, water etc. between the two of you, and council tax is this much we will split it 4 ways fair enough but they didn't they want me to cover my brothers previous rent, thats why im querying there notions...then being made to feel like if we wern't there they wouldn't be able to uphold the payments has made me feel cruel, and unable to move out.

I love my parents undoubtedly, and have always appreciated what they have done for me but I don't want to feel like I can't move out so they can keep there house....

There are two diferent arguments here.

1) regardless of what they say it's for, it's reasonable that your boyfriend pays rent too.

2) You are not your parents keeper nor can they expect you to stay there forever. If you want to move out then do. If it means they need a smaller house, then that's the way it goes - that's the way it always needed to go. That's not your fault. Likeyou, they are grown up and have to stand on their own two feet. A smaller house is not the end of the world!

Mum worries, she wants you to have security. It will be easier to save for a deposit from home paying a nominal rent than it will be having to contend with the costs and tribulations of renting from a nasty landlord!

I'm so very, very sorry for what happened to you both and your tiny baby girl

Leanna86

Doozergirl wrote: »

Well, I do see your point but actually there is another grown-up in the house now and your boyfriend should pay his way as well if you are to have him living there.

It is an inconvenience of sorts for your parents to have your boyfriend in the house and like it or not, he is using the hot water, washing his clothes, extra dishes, longer cooking times, using the heating or the tv when no-one else is in, the tv when you aren't there or the laptop when you're watching tv. Oh, and causing extra general wear and tear.

Other than that, isn't it just fair that he pays rent to your parents for the simple fact that he lives under their roof? It's an inconvenience, he doesn't belong to them... I'm not old enough for my kids to even be having boyfriends, let alone moving them in so I'm not speaking from experience, just what I see as fair. Moving a random into house = pay more rent.

It's not just your rent, it's his rent too. And they are doing you a massive favour by letting him live there with you. And it's loosening the apron strings...maybe they are telling you it's time to grow up - whether that be paying a proper share or moving out.

If you rented, I promise it will cost a great deal more than £400 a month. But you're right - independence does cost money.

If you were 5, I wouldn't ask you to clean your plates. I suspect they are treating you like a 24 year old. It isn't a house share - people in their 40s and upwards tend to have grown out of that idea! Even at £65 a week they are saving you money, it would be fair to clean up your plate immediately. If you want to leave it lying around (which I take great pleasure in as a grown up in my own home) get your own place!

Thanks for replying nicely! Like I said in my original post I did say to them that he would move back to his parents, but what I didn't say (because my post was long enough) was that they would keep the rent at the same £400 irrelevant of if he moves out or not, so obviously with him staying here is in someway cheaper for us at the moment....

Strangely we do clean up after ourselves straight away, but after cooking/eating we like to have a cup of tea after then clean up and because the plates are waiting 10-15 mins to be cleared thats not acceptable. I actually pride myself in keeping a clean house, but they say about cleaning up mess but when you have 2 peoples stuff in 1 room it is going to look messy!

Also I have offered to look over my mothers spenditure on bills, best rates etc. from what I have learnt on this site seeing as she is saying costs are all high and I was just told it was her house and I was just butting in, even though I said I could save her about £1200 a year, as I know what she currently pays...but didn't want my help!

Obviously can't want me too help too much

lellow_lorry

The fact your parents have told you costs are higher than they envisaged. £400 between the 2 of you is cheap. Forget what your brother paid as their circumstances have now changed and they can no longer afford to subsidise in the same way(they probably would if they could). Costs have risen dramatically over the last 2 years and has had a big impact on many. If you want to help them and help yourselves pay it.....its significantly less than what you would pay when you add up all your costs on renting. This could also be a call for help...many parents are too proud to ask. if this is the case speak to your brother and see if he can also assist in someway. Good luck as for being treated like a 5 yr old? I left home 20 years ago and still get it now and again. Your still their baby in their eyes:)

Doozergirl

Okay. I agree that £400 a month for just you, plus food is steep for living at home. Throw your boyfriend in to the mix and I think it's probably fair.

And yes, I do see how you feel tied to your parents for that reason if they are struggling to pay the bills with a new shortfall of £35 a week.

Has something changed financially aside from your brother moving out? Are you likely to know if there was?

Leanna86

Thanks Doozer! It was a horrible experience, but I am getting over the worst of it.

True it would be beneficial for me to stay and save up for a deposit for our own place, but I would much prefer to split costs knowing what we are paying for rather than 'your paying your brothers rent' which I just thought wasn't a fair point.

I could quite easily move out and claim all the benefits under the sun and get this and that paid, but I would like to do everything so we can say we had no hand outs and our house is ours so want to get a place properly rather than many people who work the system so to speak and I think that I will just have to bite the bullet for a few months get our money up together and just go.

I don't want to end up falling out with my parents, but when every week they give a new rule, or a further increase its just annoying.

tabskitten

The only real option to save you from a family argument is to move out. That way you will be paying the same i imagine but minus the resentment....

If your parents are down financially they can get a lodger!

Material_Girl_2

Hi Leanne,

To be honest it sounds as if the time is right for you and your boyfriend to move out and make a home for the two of you. Yes, it will be cheaper to stay with your parents and it might help them out financially, but it seems that it puts a bit of strain on your relationship with each other. You can still find a place with a reasonable rent and save up for a mortgage deposit. I might take a while longer paying rent and saving for a deposit, but would a few years really make a massive difference?

Once you have moved out your parents will save on food, electricy, water bills and council tax without you living in their home anyway. Should your parents really need the cash they can still rent your room out to lodger for a while until they are financially solid again.

Hope it all works out for you.

vaporate

RacyRed wrote: »

I think your parents are trying to prepare you for life in the big wide world.

Ask them to explain household bills to you, it might all begin to make sense then.

More like gold digging.

If you are going to pay £400 month move out and get some privacy for the same price elsewhere.

Leanna86

Doozergirl wrote: »

Okay. I agree that £400 a month for just you, plus food is steep for living at home. Throw your boyfriend in to the mix and I think it's probably fair.

And yes, I do see how you feel tied to your parents for that reason if they are struggling to pay the bills with a new shortfall of £35 a week.

Has something changed financially aside from your brother moving out? Are you likely to know if there was?

Thats the thing I don't know, they still own there old house which they rent out...may I add cheaper than what I pay for rent! hahaha maybe I should move in there with the 3 tenants lol

They have paid of the mortgage on that house and got a new mortgage out on this larger house, which they didn't realise the banding was top level, extra costs becaus eof the area, utility bills etc are higher than they anticipated etc. they have told me all this, I said I would help out but looking at cheaper options as not trying to undermine my mother but I wanted to help out and she one of the types to just accept renewals, quickest routes etc...but if she wont allow me I cant help.

I also said why don't they sell this house, and move back into the old one, but they said they didn't want to as this house was to be a project but as house prices dropped they would loose out.

Obviously my brother moved out, so they loose money there of £35 a week but also he ate them out of house and home so are probably saving £50 a week just from food he doesn't eat!!

I have noticed my mum has a bit of a shopping habit, my dad has also just spent £5k on a gastric band for her and £2k on laser eye treatment, and she is now buying herself lots of new clothes, jewelry etc for her new figure (she looks great by the way) and shes having her hair done every week, waxing etc. I have dropped subtle hints like oh thats new...is that another new something or other but she doesn't seem phased by me asking, she is all to willing to show her new stuff. My dad has mentioned her spending often, like he has his own business so he pays all the bills, mortgage etc. so all her wages is basically spending money, but she then says oh ive dipped into the savings to buy this and that and he says what about your wages and she will say oh I spent all that...

So I dunno, if she has a habit or whether she isn't buying too much as I don't know her account payments but thats the only things i can think of...